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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28881834">Out of the blue</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Redclaire999/pseuds/Redclaire999'>Redclaire999</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NCIS</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Blood and Injury, Canon Rewrite, Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Mild Language, Original Character(s), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Sexual Content</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 08:00:28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>54,971</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28881834</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Redclaire999/pseuds/Redclaire999</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes a random, unpredictable event can change the trajectory of your whole life.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ellie Bishop/Nick Torres</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>333</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>232</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. A rainy night and flashing light</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>‘You have <em>got</em> to be kidding me!’ she whined in exasperation. Even the Cosmos seemed to be against her tonight!</p><p>Maybe she should’ve paid more attention to the weather report before leaving their apartment in a huff. Ok, more than a huff, more like furious, seething, with him and with herself for allowing this situation, their relationship, to spiral into this repetitive cycle of just drifting to bitter angry outbursts and then back to trying to make it work again.</p><p>Another pointless argument!</p><p>But she needed to storm out before he did, before he did his disappearing act <em>again</em>, yeah, because work always conveniently called <em>every</em> time they had a row!</p><p>He wasn’t fooling anyone.</p><p>He’d pissed her off for the last time, there was nothing left to salvage, even if she wanted to, right? Did she really want to? Had she just had enough?</p><p>The intermittent heavy splashes of rain intensified and rapidly became a deluge.</p><p>
  <em>Typical! </em>
</p><p>She was only wearing jeans and a light sweater, she hadn’t even thought to grab her jacket in her haste to leave, to remove herself from their most recent quarrel.</p><p>
  <em>Jacket! Crap!</em>
</p><p>Now she had no keys either! The thoughts of having to knock and wait for him to open the door for her was galling.</p><p>No wallet either!</p><p>
  <em>Idiot Ellie!!</em>
</p><p>Still berating herself she dashed across the street to where a curb-side awning offered some protection from the sudden downpour, hoping the summer shower would pass quickly. She was in no hurry to go home to sulky, frosty silence, his go-to mood whenever he lost the dispute because she made a valid point and he had no comeback, but a long brisk walk would work out her frustration.</p><p>Several minutes later there was still no let-up and she was starting to shiver, her Converse soaked through as run-off from gutters and the awning splashed her ankles and flooded the pavement.</p><p>She checked her vibrating phone, and there it was.</p><p><em>‘Work called. Txt when I land’</em>.</p><p>So, a week maybe ten days and he’d stroll back with duty-free perfume and a stupid-ass apology.</p><p>Lost in her own cold, damp thoughts she barely noticed another pedestrian sprinting across the street seeking refuge under the canopy, same idea as herself.</p><p>Like a dog he shook himself off, giving her the briefest nod of acknowledgement as they shared the space at a respectable distance to each other.</p><p>She had no idea why she did it, but she glanced at him again.</p><p>
  <em>Cute!</em>
</p><p>Guiltily she felt her face burn even as she turned back towards the road, but she’d seen his friendly smile and mouth open about to say something no doubt light-hearted and banal and prosaic about the dreadful weather blah, blah, blah.</p><p>She was in no mood for polite conversation with a stranger, she’d enough going on with the caustic commentary going on in her head, perfecting her sling-backs to use the next time they had a row.</p><p>If she’d been paying more attention to the traffic rather than to her internal razor-sharp repartees she might have noticed before it was too late.</p><p>‘Miss! <em>Whoa</em>!’</p><p>A strong hand snatched her shoulder, twirling her and yanked her backwards, her forehead hitting against his warm chest with a thud whilst he attempted to waltz her around but too late. A tidal wave of puddle water crashed against her back as the truck drove right through the flooded gutter, spraying her head to heel with freezing, probably filthy rainwater.</p><p>Of course, being the NCIS agent she was, she’d already clocked the guy a bone-crunching punch in the jaw for grabbing her before realising he was only trying to pull her back from her impending soggy doom.</p><p>‘Ow!’ he yelped stepping back his hands up defensively.</p><p>‘Oh god, sorry! Sorry!’</p><p>‘It’s ok, totally should’ve maybe just shouted out a warning, my bad’ he apologised rubbing his stubbled chin.</p><p>
  <em>God, he’s gorgeous!</em>
</p><p>‘No no, my fault!’ she stuttered out trying to look poised in front of the Adonis before her even as her waterlogged, jean-clad ass dripped a new puddle at her feet.</p><p>‘You're completely soaked!’ he fretted stepping forward again and she caught the warm fragrance of some very appealing understated spicy cologne.</p><p>‘I’m ok, really’ but he gave her such a sceptical look she caved, ‘ok yes I’m soaked’ she shivered sheepishly.</p><p>He pulled his backpack off and pulled out a towel.</p><p>‘Do you always walk around prepared to assist ladies with wet panties- <em>pants</em> jeez!!?’ </p><p>She could’ve bitten off her own tongue!</p><p>‘Usually only at weekends’ he smirked a teasing smile acknowledging her <em>faux pas</em> but not embarrassing her further, ‘but today being a Tuesday I was just on my way to the gym. Here, it’s clean’ he offered again when she didn’t immediately take it.</p><p>‘Thank you’ she mumbled dabbing her still scarlet-face, then roughly drying herself off, feeling self-conscious as she noticed how her thin top clung to her chest, accentuating the outline of her bra. She noticed him noticing and despite the cold felt her cheeks flush even more.</p><p>‘You're cold’ he murmured as he pulled off his jacket and hung it around her shoulders in a quick deft move that left her speechless.</p><p>‘Well, now you're cold!’ she replied observing he was only wearing a training vest top, his impressively muscular arms, shoulders and pecs on full display. She swallowed past her suddenly dry throat.</p><p>‘Nah, I’m kinda hot-, I mean <em>warm</em>, I’m kinda warm’ he spluttered as she raised her eyebrows, not disagreeing with him, at all. His slightly-accented, warm, cadenced voice resonated at a frequency that hummed within her, somewhere deep…</p><p>
  <em>Pull yourself together Bishop!</em>
</p><p>‘Thank you again’ she smiled passing him back the towel, ‘but I should probably go’ she pulled her phone from her back pocket and groaned.</p><p>Water damaged! This day just got better!</p><p>‘Here, you can use mine if you need to call for a lift, Uber or whatever to get home’.</p><p>‘Actually, no thank you but home is the last place I want to be right now. I’ll just wait till this passes and continue my walk’</p><p>‘But you’ll catch cold’ he shook his head in persistent concern.</p><p>‘I’ll be fine’ she sniffed, trying to out-stubborn her shivers, 'I'm tougher than I look'</p><p>‘Oh, my jaw agrees with you but humour me, please? Let me get you a coffee and look, I have spare sweatpants and a hoodie in my bag of tricks. Maybe you could change in the coffeeshop restrooms and, wait out the rain indoors, then I’ll be happy’.</p><p>He noticed her hesitating and reached out his hand in greeting.</p><p>‘I’m N-Nick’ She just caught him stumbling on his own name a flicker of something in his eyes and immediately her ever-active brain jumped to a myriad of conclusions. Maybe it wasn’t even his real name?</p><p>Jeez, being an agent really screwed with your mind sometimes! Maybe Jake was right, since she’d joined NCIS she <em>had</em> become more suspicious?</p><p>‘I’m married’ she blurted.</p><p>Now, why the <em>hell</em> had she said that?!</p><p>‘Pleased to meet you, Married,’ he chuckled shaking her hand jovially.</p><p>‘Sorry, I-,’ she flustered, her jaw slack with horror.</p><p>‘It’s cool, I offer no strings attached coffee, my karma good deed for the day, please?’</p><p>‘Ok, thank you, Nick’ she savoured his name on her tongue for far too long.</p><p>The corner bean-house was one of those eclectic, arty kind of places, leather armchairs, snug alcoves with scatter cushions and at that time of the evening dimly lit with Moroccan-styled lanterns, and candles stuck into artistically wax-dripped wine bottles.</p><p>Her good Samaritan took her order of a mocha-latte as she took his proffered fleece clothes and retreated to the bathroom to change. Embarrassingly even her underwear was drenched so she had to pull off her panties and bra before tugging on his marl-grey sweats otherwise the damp would leech through causing more mortification. She rolled everything up in the towel after clearing off her face of the last vestiges of make-up and ran her hair under the hand-dryer luxuriating in the blast of hot air against her cold, clammy skin. The sweatpants were several sizes too big but tying the string tight and turning the waistband over helped and she could disguise the bulk with the hoodie. Her canvas trainers were soggy but there was nothing she could do about that.</p><p>Looking in the mirror she groaned, she looked like a half-drowned rat.</p><p>But she was a grown woman and she needed to thank the hot as hell guy who’d kindly tried to help. The thump in the jaw, not to mention her ‘I'm married’ insinuation of ulterior motives was probably neither warranted nor justified.</p><p>Grovel time.</p><p>‘Um…’ she started awkwardly handed him back his jacket.</p><p>‘Nick’ he supplied helpfully.</p><p>‘Yeah, sorry Nick, thank you for …and sorry for the chin. I hope I didn’t hurt you?’</p><p>‘You have a mean uppercut, but no, no damage sustained. I asked the server for a carrier-bag, thought you might need it for your wet things’.</p><p>‘Thank you again, I seem to be saying that a lot!’ she smiled ruefully as she sank into the armchair opposite him.</p><p>She’d just picked up her steaming, frothy mug when they heard a loud click and the power went out, shop alarms started buzzing and it was suddenly dark outside as the streetlighting flickered out.</p><p>‘Ah, ladies and gentlemen due to a power-cut, we have to ask everyone to leave’ called out one of the staff, ‘to-go cups available!’</p><p>‘Oh, um we should-,’</p><p>‘Yeah’ he huffed in what seemed like disappointment. ‘Do you want to get yours to-go?’ he asked politely.</p><p>‘What?’</p><p>‘Your drink? To take home?’</p><p>‘I don’t want to go home yet’ she grumbled a little petulantly. ‘Actually, I could do with a <em>real</em> drink.’</p><p>‘We can do that’ he nodded enthusiastically, ‘I mean, if you want, there’s a bar over on the next block, the lights are on over that side of the street, you can see the shamrock flashing’ he pointed to a green neon light a couple of buildings over from the intersection.</p><p>‘I’m not really dressed…’ she pulled at his hoodie, squinting apprehensively.</p><p>‘It’s just a local pub, believe me, you’ll be by far the best-looking person there’.</p><p>She doubted that looking at <em>him</em>. She felt herself blush again, a compliment was a rare thing after being married for a few years, well it was in <em>her</em> marriage anyways. His simple remark had bolstered her courage.</p><p>‘Ready?’ he offered, holding his jacket up as a makeshift umbrella over her head and they made a run for it, dodging more puddles, streaming rivulets and she squealed just a little as she bumped into his chest whilst avoiding a pothole filled with murky, oil-stained water. He hauled the bar door open for her and they all but fell inside laughing easily as he shook out his jacket and hung it up on a high-stool as they took a corner spot up at the bar. She’d matched him in his order for a medicinal hot whiskey, her Aunt Maggie had sworn by them to ward off a cold and then she realised.</p><p>‘Shoot, my phone is broke, I can’t use my e-pay-,’</p><p>‘Now she tells me!’ he rolled his eyes theatrically, ‘I’m kidding, kidding! Please, allow me-,’</p><p>‘Hey, not so fast Lancelot, a girl is always prepared!’ she cracked open the back of her phone and pulled out her two crisply folded emergency fifty-dollar bills.</p><p>Tonight definitely qualified.</p><p>‘My round!’ she smiled triumphantly.</p><p>‘We’re talking rounds now? of hot whiskey?’ he smirked appreciatively.</p><p>‘Medicinal purposes only, and in case you get ideas, I have a secret superpower’ she whispered conspiratorially.</p><p>‘Well, after that soaking I know you're not a mermaid’ he joked before expectantly letting her finish.</p><p>‘I can’t get drunk; I blame my one-quarter Irish ancestry’ she tipped his glass proudly. ‘Sláinte!’</p><p>‘¡Salud! But back up, what kind of ideas were you <em>thinking</em> I might have?’ he asked archly, the corners of his mouth tugging in a suppressed grin.</p><p>‘Any’ she replied firmly.</p><p>‘Well Married, rest assured I will keep <em>all</em> my ideas to myself, even the really juicy ones’ he countered aloofly.</p><p>‘Well, now I'm intrigued.’</p><p>‘I’m an intriguing kind of guy, hidden depths, mysterious you know’ he nudged her roguishly with his elbow.</p><p>‘Really, so you're like what, a secret agent or something?’</p><p>He coughed a little as he drank the whiskey, ‘wow that’s hot!’ he croaked, licking his lips and swirling the clove-studded slice of lemon around in the glass to cool the steaming liquid. Her eyes fell to his lips again and she had to shake herself to listen to him.</p><p>‘Way more prosaic, personal trainer, you?’</p><p>‘Oh, boring stuff, Federal bean counter’. Now was not the time to highlight her real job, guys didn’t like it, well Jake didn’t… ‘I work with some interesting but lovely people, we’re like a family, cheesy right?’</p><p>‘That sounds nice, I um, usually work alone or with one client but I get to travel. Where they go, I go’.</p><p>‘That sounds lonely’</p><p>He just shrugged and she saw a flash of doleful regret or vulnerability and was even more intrigued.</p><p>‘So, what about you Married, where do you hale from? That’s not a DC accent’ he guessed astutely.</p><p>She had no idea why she did it, but something about the way he had said <em>his</em> name and the fact she was a lonely, married woman sitting in a bar with a guy she just met…</p><p>‘Allison, Allie’ she finally introduced herself, resurrecting a pseudonym she hadn’t used since her fake college ID, ‘from Kansas’ she added to the lie. ‘You?’</p><p>‘Florida and California, we moved around a lot as kids’ he replied evasively and as the conversation continued, all easy-going and fun teasing, she again thought there was more to everything the guy said, truth but maybe omissions.</p><p>Mysterious but she liked him.</p><p>‘Another?’</p><p>‘Sure’</p><p>The hours and the rounds clocked up far too easily, the witty banter and uncomplicated conversation were engrossing, enthralling and very entertaining.</p><p>‘You don’t look like an Allison’</p><p>She hadn’t been expecting that and he had her on the backfoot.</p><p>‘What does an Allison look like?’ she asked coyly sipping on her sweet amber liquid and letting the warmth drizzle down her throat until it hit the new heat welling up every time he looked at her with those chocolate brown eyes of his.</p><p>‘Not you’ he laughed, ‘no, I had you pegged for one of those classic names, Emily or Charlotte maybe’</p><p>‘Classic like snobbish and boring?’ she bristled, since her teens she’d hated the old lady vibe of ‘Eleanor’.</p><p>‘No, classic like beautiful and elegant’ he smiled back and the warmth flared up into a fire.</p><p>She scoffed all embarrassed, waving her hand depreciatingly over her outfit, ‘yeah, real elegant!’</p><p>‘I call it as I see it’ he shrugged nonchalantly.</p><p>She suppressed another tired hungry shiver, but his sharp eyes noticed.</p><p>‘You still cold?’</p><p>‘I need something hot inside me to warm me up, other than whiskey’ she muttered past chattering teeth.</p><p>He did a double-take as his eyes widened in surprise.</p><p>‘<em>Food</em>! I meant food’ she blushed scandalised, and he playfully pulled a hangdog face.</p><p>‘You had me going there for a second! I thought I was getting somewhere!’ he laughed easily but his eyes held hers over the rim of his glass for just a second as he took another drink.</p><p>She delayed answering, none of her snappy comebacks sprang to mind as she got lost in her thoughts. Yeah, <em>those</em> kinds of thoughts!</p><p>Her eyes flicked down to his lips and back to his tanned hands, and it hit her; she wanted him.</p><p>‘I should um, go…’</p><p>‘Allie, I’m sorry if I said something wrong or um, inappropriate’ he panicked stalling her with a warm hand on her forearm as she rushed to drink up. She felt her skin goosebump at his touch, a reaction that had nothing to do with her chill.</p><p>‘No, not at all Nick, I should probably go home and face the music’ she gulped despondently.</p><p>‘Allie?’ His voice was hesitant, and she noticed he was still holding her arm lightly. ‘Tell me to mind my own business but you um, well you’ve been reluctant to go home all evening, your husband hasn’t threatened or hurt you-?’ She looked into his dark eyes and they were filled with unease. </p><p>‘No nothing like that, we just had another fight about-,’ she bit her lip stopping herself before she launched into the details ‘Sorry, not your monkeys, not your circus!’</p><p>‘Fair enough but if you don’t want to go home yet we could grab a bite?’</p><p>‘I’m sure you have something better to be doing than listening to the cliched tales of an unhappy wife’.</p><p>‘Nope nothing at all, in fact, this is the best evening I’ve had in a long while’</p><p>‘Ok you need to get out more’, she chuckled wryly.</p><p>She glanced at the clock behind the bar, almost midnight and they were the only patrons in the place, Tuesday nights were way too quiet in DC.</p><p>
  <em>Crap!</em>
</p><p>McGee had her spare house keys, it was too late to call him, and she <em>so</em> didn’t want to crash at Gibbs’s house again but at least she knew he was always awake no matter the hour.</p><p>‘I think the bar staff would like to close up’ she muttered to cover her gloom.</p><p>‘You need to go home huh, he’ll be worried regardless’ Nick nodded sagely.</p><p>‘Nope, he’ll be half-way to London, he’s an international lawyer’</p><p>He mouthed an ‘oh’.</p><p>‘And I dramatically stormed out the house without my keys’ she groaned tapping her forehead on her crossed arms propped on the bar top.</p><p>There was just a subtle shift in the air between them and suddenly it wasn’t just the shamrock flashing a green light over them.</p><p>‘I can cook? Well, <em>reheat</em> the tray of fresh enchiladas I have in my fridge and I have beer and a sofa. No funny business’ he promised sincerely with his hands up, ‘or <em>ideas</em>’ he added wiggling his eyebrows comically.</p><p>Ellie Bishop was not someone who was ever impulsive, she definitely wasn’t a risk-taker, pure vanilla wholesome and good.</p><p>But just for tonight, she didn’t want to be.</p><p>‘Sounds perfect’ she grinned, ‘…but, um-’ she hesitated, pulling out her phone automatically and saw that though the screen was water-damaged it was at least working.</p><p>‘May I?’ He reached for her phone and rapidly keyed in a number, and his phone vibrated on the bar.</p><p>‘Now you have my number, why don’t you send it to a friend, for safety?’</p><p>‘That’s very conscientious’ she blinked, surprised at his acknowledgement of her trepidation.</p><p>‘I have a sister and a niece, I worry’ he shrugged as he lay some notes on the bar to cover their bill and waved thanks to the tender. ‘My apartment’s a couple of blocks away, I think it’s stopped raining…’</p><p>She turned down the volume on her inner cautionary voice and followed him out.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Caught unawares</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>‘I’m N-Nick’</p><p>
  <em>What the fuck Torres!!?? </em>
</p><p>Rookie mistake, error and or fuck-up!</p><p>Ten weeks undercover as Marcus Diaz blown in an instant because a pretty, ok a <em>very</em> pretty, beautiful actually, girl caught his attention! The case was dangerous enough, the Martinez crew were probably watching him around the clock and his sudden interest in helping out with ‘product’ consignments had more than likely raised red flags left, right and centre but there he was introducing himself with his <em>real</em> name in the middle of a rainy street to a chick who could be working for them for all he knew!</p><p>
  <em>Think Torres and not with your dick!</em>
</p><p>But she slapped him down fast enough, married, of course she was, he must be off his game if he hadn’t noticed her sparkler and wedding band on her left hand.</p><p>Too busy mesmerised by her bewitching eyes, an extraordinary shade of hazel, amber or ochre maybe.</p><p>
  <em>Get a fucking grip!</em>
</p><p>And still, up to his neck in an assignment that could go south, like toe-tag bad or way south like to Columbia at any minute and still he felt giddy as a schoolboy that she’d agreed to go for a coffee with him.</p><p>When she came out of the restroom with a nervous smile on her pale face, her blonde hair all crazy wavy and dressed in his clothes, he just knew he was hooked. There was absolutely no rational explanation for it. It was like from the moment he'd first seen her standing under that awning shivering in the rain, her every move and mannerism were fascinating, spell-binding. </p><p>He couldn't explain the weirdly magnetic-like pull towards her.</p><p>She was not even remotely his type, everything about her screamed WASP middle-class American, petite and neat, a little conservative, probably bookish going by what she was wearing before the rain-wash tsunami.</p><p>Maybe it was her smile?</p><p>All he knew was his heart sank in disappointment when the damn power went just as they were about to start their coffees.</p><p>He <em>soo</em> didn’t expect her wanting to go for a drink, ‘Married’ was full of surprises!</p><p>The next couple of hours were the most normal he’d had in he had no idea how long. He’d been working NCIS undercover cases back-to-back for the past couple of years, always just agreeing to the next one and the next one, always as someone else, someplace else, with a defined job to do.</p><p>He knew she was lying about her name, that was interesting but hardly surprising. She was married and out in a bar with a complete stranger. He was usually good at reading people, had to be in his line of work but the more they talked and joked and pushed the boundaries of teasing banter the more intrigued and puzzled he was. She was smart, like he just knew she was brainy clever but she was funny smart too.</p><p>He nearly choked on his hot whiskey when she just threw out ‘so you're like what, a secret agent or something?’ Did she know, was this all an elaborated game?</p><p>His gut said no so he went with that instinct.</p><p>And her eyes never left him, she was constantly assessing him. He could almost hear the cogs clicking and clacking in her head even over the classic U2 album droning on in the bar as she mentally weighed and measured him.</p><p>He liked her, not in his usual ‘fuck and duck’, ‘hit it and quit it’ kind of way, though he was working really hard on maintaining a respectable distance and keeping his head out of the gutter even as his pants tightened whenever she swallowed another mouthful of warm liquor, humming a little in appreciation, her cheeks all pink and glowy...</p><p>No, he liked her as in liked <em>her</em> as a person, and that hadn’t happened in years. It wasn’t that he didn’t date women, he did, briefly, just enough to mutually scratch an itch and then either the job called or his interest waned. None had stood out, the names and faces blurred over time.</p><p>He was probably only feeling like this because she was married, off-limits, safe, just being friendly or maybe… lonely.</p><p>Nope, despite what his sister said last time, <em>he</em> just didn’t need people the way <em>other</em> people seemed to need them.</p><p>Allison seemed like a people person. And something about the way she reluctantly mentioned home had his hackles raised and his protective instincts gearing up. His jaw said she could look after herself, that was some high-speed self-defence reflexes she had to land a punch on him, he wasn’t going to let her know that he'd probably chipped a tooth with the impact of her tiny fist.</p><p>Inviting her back to his place was a terrible, like really bad idea.</p><p>What the actual fuck was he thinking?</p><p>She'd been crystal clear; this wasn’t a date or a pick-up or whatever, she was married. Yeah, she might be pissed off, unhappy or whatever with her husband but she wasn’t giving off any signals, none at all... right up until….oh!</p><p>They were crossing the street towards his building, a modern block of short-term lets, each identical, neutral-toned, bland and impersonal, perfect for his needs but he’d never expected a guest. His mind was fixated on whether he’d tidied up his dirty laundry from his earlier shower, was there in-date milk in the fridge in case she wanted tea, should he offer her his bed and he take the couch…?</p><p>What the fuck was he even doing? He was meant to be working!</p><p>The rain had stopped but the tarmac was still wet, gutter water still gushed out downpipes adding to the surface flooding. They’d been working on the subterranean utilities outside his building all week, traffic cones and a temporary barrier blocked the excavated pavement. The rain and all the groundworks had caused a substantial puddle to gather making the area impassable without effort.</p><p>He had no idea why he did it, it was just a reflex reaction.</p><p>He took her hand, wrapping his seemingly massive paw around her petite, chilled fingers. He thought she had flinched at his touch but it was more like static, a buzz of voltage passed between them. He was about ready to let her hand go but he felt her tension relax, her hand still firm in his.</p><p>‘Um, I’ll go first, watch there on the right, that’s deep’ he warned her as he agilely negotiated himself across the flooded roadworks, pivoting to steady her before the jump across the murky pool. He gave her hand a gentle tug and she lithely landed beside him on the kerb but just a little too close. Her chest bumped his and her centre of gravity was off, her heels dipping off the edge of the step, her balance lost.</p><p>‘Wooo!’ she warbled out suddenly startled, tightening her grip on his hand, ‘yikes!’</p><p>'Gotcha!' He grabbed her around the waist with his free arm to stop her from falling backwards and pulled her close. Her breath hitched as she scrambled to right herself grabbing a fistful of his top at his hip and even in the amber streetlight he could see her face redden at their new, more intimate stance. She flickered anxious glances between his eyes and back to his lips, he'd noted each and every time she had done just that already that night but this time he returned her gaze.</p><p>And her face was right there and if he had a million dollars riding on it, he wouldn’t have been able to say who kissed who first. She tasted of cloves and whiskey and warmth and he knew he shouldn’t, but his mouth just fit hers and she seemed just as enthusiastic as he was. She leaned into him, not off balance more deliberately trying to find purchase against him her hand slipping up around his neck, combing through his short hair at the nape of his neck.</p><p>‘Allie?’</p><p>‘Hmm?’ her soft lips were joined by her tongue dancing a sensual tango with his own, and he almost forgot what he was supposed to be saying.</p><p>‘Allie, you're going to have to ... tell me what you want here-,’</p><p>‘I, um…’ she broke away and seemed uncertain then. </p><p>‘We can stop, right here right now. I can call you a taxi, no harm no foul’ </p><p>‘I…’</p><p>‘Is that what you want me to do?’ he asked again reaching for his phone.</p><p>‘What do <em>you</em> want?’ she asked like, genuinely <em>asked</em> him!</p><p>He rolled his eyes, tapping his very obvious full-mast, rigid boy against her hip.</p><p>‘Oh’ she gulped, her puffy lips rounding to almost match her wide eyes.</p><p>‘Yeah, oh’ he chuckled, ‘Look we’re cool, you should-,’</p><p>‘Shhh,’ her fingers pressed against his mouth cutting him off.</p><p>‘Wha-?’</p><p>She tiptoed up and kissed him nervously like she was waiting for him to agree.</p><p>Not a problem!</p><p>The elevator ride to his floor was like something out of an X-rated movie, hot and heavy, hands frisking over and under, feeling flesh and curves and wanton need through the fabric of their clothes. Her nails scraped over his abdomen through thin nylon his sport's top and he groaned into her mouth as her hands travelled further south cupping his nuts, tracing the length of his dick as his own thigh parted her legs and applied the pressure that had her uttering encouraging profanities under her breath. It took a moment for him to realise the sibilant whispered words she was using, urging him on, were in Spanish, effortless fluent perfectly-accented Spanish.</p><p>His groan became a low, vibrating growl.</p><p>They almost didn’t make it into his apartment, the front door was just about the scene of a public sexual display as he propped her up against the door, holding her wrists over her head nibbling his way around her neck and throat with his lips as she clamped down like a vice-grip on his thigh. He didn’t know his neighbours, but he certainly didn’t want to be introduced to them right in the middle of what they were working up to.</p><p>Juggling he awkwardly found his keycard in his coat pocket and opened the door waltzing her in without taking his tongue out of her mouth. As soon as the door slammed behind them it was a battle with clothes she pushed his jacket off his shoulders and when he shrugged it off he lifted her a little so that her feet weren't touching the ground pushing her back against the frame. He miss-timed it slightly and the dull thud of her skull hitting the door echoed around the spartan studio. He pulled back with a worried frown assessing her for injury but instead got a shake of her head and a renewal of her sucking on his bottom lip.</p><p>Her fingers clawed into the waistband of his sweats, pushing them down over his hips but he pulled away and a look of sudden chagrin crossed her face that maybe she had crossed some invisible line.</p><p>‘Sorry! I-,’</p><p>‘Shh,’ he whispered gently kissing her lips then chasing a trail of nibbles down her pale throat. He slipped his hand under the hoodie his fingers realising the lack of bra as he traced the curve of her naked breast, his thumb toying with her peak until he heard her strained whimper. He palmed his way down her back, past the bulky rolled waistband of the too-big pants capturing a handful of ass.</p><p>Fuck!</p><p>She had sat beside him all night with no underwear in just his clothes!</p><p>Fireworks fizzled in his balls but he held back, just.</p><p>Using his wrist he one-handedly nudged her sweatpants down just enough to give him full access and applying pressure with the heel of his hand, whilst teasing her with his thumb he stalled his progress not delving deeper until she gave him her go-ahead</p><p>‘Is this...ok?’ he asked as she bucked against his fleeting touch.</p><p>Her panted ‘mmhm’ was accompanied by her widening her stance in an invitation and the movement had him dropping to his knees taking the grey baggy sweats with him.</p><p>Having her come vociferously, all wet and wild on just his fingers and against his tongue was probably the hottest thing he’d ever seen and he was still basking in her ecstasy when she unceremoniously dragged him up by hair and earlobe whilst she hastily kicked off her runners and the pants pooled around her ankles. Her hands deftly released him from his boxers, and she guided him to where she wanted him.</p><p>They both gasped as he filled her with one smooth thrust and she wrapped her arms around his shoulders lifting herself so she could entwine her legs around his waist as he took a firm two-handed grip of her ass. With a low throaty moan, she relaxed her fame and slowly sank lower and he sighed as he buried himself even deeper within her.</p><p>Abruptly she bit his neck hard enough to urge him forward and as if her rough touch had awoken something in him, he began to move, hard and fast and urgent, the dull thudding of her body hammering out an ever-accelerating pulsing beat against the door.</p><p>When she tilted her pelvis, he could feel he’d hit her at just the right angle and she tightened around him to a chorus of frenzied, hissing ‘fuck-fuck-fuck-fuck!’</p><p>So he did, harder and deeper and faster until they both fell over the edge shaking as they detonated together. His sweaty forehead rested against hers as they kissed sweet and slow and gentle and rocked through the last of the dwindling aftershocks.</p><p>‘Jesus Christ, that was-,’</p><p>‘Intense’ she whispered breathlessly, her hoodie-clad chest heaving against his</p><p>‘Yeah, I wish I was like eighteen and could do that all again, like immediately’ he chuckled ruefully as he pulled out and gently assisted her legs back to the floor</p><p>‘Again?’ she winced, curling her toes working out a cramp.</p><p>‘Oh, hell yeah!’ he hummed appreciatively, his voice low and raspy with longing. He kissed her again the hunger for her still unabated.</p><p>‘How long do ya need?’ she asked archly, pulling his hoodie off over her head revealing all of herself and mussing her hair even more appealingly.</p><p>‘Ten minutes?’ he suggested distractedly wowed by the prospect of feasting on her newly exposed luminous skin.</p><p>‘How about five, and I’ll help?’ she countered, eyeing-up his ever-optimistic already re-hardening boy speculatively whilst running her tongue suggestively over her lower lip.</p><p>‘That works for me’ he nodded with a grin, hurriedly stripping off his last vestiges of clothing as he allowed her to push him towards the bedroom.</p><p> </p><p>He didn’t know what woke him. Sleep for him was usually elusive at the best of times and he’d trained himself to need only the bare minimum, but somehow he’d slept soundly with her in his arms. He reached out, patting the bed but she wasn’t there, though the sheets were still warm.</p><p>He half-heard her hushed voice from the living room but sleep was pulling him back.</p><p>‘Boss, yeah sorry phone trouble…<em>what</em>?! Where?’</p><p>He drowsily waited for her to come back to bed, maybe they could even squeeze out one more amazing session before dawn. He was pleasantly exhausted, relaxed in a way he rarely felt and was just mentally working out the logistics of something else they could try, in the shower this time, when he heard the door click.</p><p>That roused him to full alertness.</p><p>Sitting up quietly he untangled himself from the bedsheets and slipped his hand under the mattress palming the metallic handle of his pistol.</p><p>Fuck!</p><p>Allison was probably in the bathroom and who knew what she would walk out into, maybe a Martinez goon had found him out…</p><p>Creeping slowly to the doorway of his bedroom, he scoped out the living room and kitchenette. The bathroom door was open, the light off.</p><p>Silence.</p><p>Everywhere else looked in order too, and there weren’t many places to hide in the tiny apartment.</p><p>That’s when he noticed it.</p><p>'What the f-, ?!’</p><p>The clothes, <em>his</em> clothes that she’d been wearing, that they’d stripped off and flung away in their fervent passion were gone. His gym backpack was open and the plastic bag with her own wet things was clearly gone too.</p><p>She was gone.</p><p>It wasn’t someone breaking in, it was her sneaking out.</p><p>‘Well, that’s a first!' he snorted aloud, shaking his head in disbelief.</p><p>He stood stark naked in his living room, his gun dangling at his thigh totally shellshocked, and if it weren’t for the dull ache in his overused and overworked balls, he might’ve believed he’d dreamt her up and imagined the whole night.</p><p>His mind rushed over their last heated, chest-heaving episode, where she’d lain on her stomach arching her hips up to meet him as he’d slowly, decadently kissed her neck, her shoulders and down her spine while he pushed in and pulled out and plunged into her again from behind. His mind's eye replayed it all again every scene, even down to how their fingers interlaced and entwined…</p><p>Had he done something, said something wrong?</p><p>Was it just a one-night-stand? He’d had them before; just<em> he</em> was always the absconding escapee leaving the girl in the predawn light.</p><p>They hadn’t talked about it, but somehow being with her well, it felt different than that, to him anyway.</p><p>Then his phone rang breaking him out of his shocked trance, maybe it was her?</p><p>He dashed back to his bedroom and snatched up his phone answering the private number.</p><p>‘Hey-!’ but the gruff voice barking at him wasn’t her, nope it was his NCIS boss, Callaghan.</p><p>‘Torres, Martinez was taken out, your cover’s compromised. We need to move you immediately, clean sweep protocol. Go to Dulles, an agent will meet you at 0730 with new alias credentials and case details.’</p><p>‘Where?’</p><p>‘Puerto Rico’</p><p>It took him less than ten minutes to gather and pack-up his stuff, email the letting agent cancelling his lease, and then reluctantly having scrolled back and seeing her number he’d dialled from in the bar was only listed as private too he disposed of his phone SIM and SD cards, flushing them down the toilet as per procedure.</p><p>She was gone, vanished and untraceable, and in under an hour so was he.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Bombshells</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She blanched as a sudden cold sweat broke out all over her body. Her heart shuddered in an ungainly rhythm that left her feeling lightheaded and woozy and she gripped the remote-control tighter to disguise her trembling hand.</p><p>There he was again, his face, his official NCIS ID blazoned on the plasma screen, intricately involved in the case they were working. His family were involved in a car bombing, a brother-in-law dead and he undercover in Argentina, presumed dead, then alive and then maybe gone rogue or maybe still loyal…</p><p>It was all too much.</p><p>In the bathroom she rinsed her wrists under the cold water tap, she tried fanning her blouse, dabbing her underarms with cool, wet handtowels and lifting her damp hair off her clammy neck. She looked at herself in the mirror and saw a mess, blotchy skin, wild hair, eyes twitchy and way too bright.</p><p>
  <em>Get a grip, Bishop!</em>
</p><p>She’d thought about that night so many times over the years, of course she had! She continued to be in awe that her whole life was still somehow defined by what happened in those few short hours. Over five years later and still she stuttered even saying his name whilst giving her slideshow Sit-Rep round-up of the investigation so far.</p><p>Nick, Nick Torres. NCIS agent, just like her, even back then.</p><p>
  <em>God, things could’ve, might’ve been so different!</em>
</p><p>But they weren’t and she had to live with that.</p><p>To go from utter bliss to sheer misery in one night, the memory of attempting to cope with the juxtaposition of the emotional extremes still jarred with her. Without warning, flashbacks flooded over her and she swallowed down the same fraught anguish again.</p><p>The smell of burnt flesh and disinfectant in the ICU. Gibbs crushing her in a hug as he breathed his relief into her shoulder when it was clear the blonde killed in the car wreck with Jake was not <em>her</em> after all.</p><p>Rule 3 ‘never be unreachable’ suddenly made very real sense. When she hadn’t answered her phone for hours after the report of Jake’s car, <em>their</em> car, fire-balling on I-95 they’d all thought the worst.</p><p>They, everyone on her team assumed it was Ellie.</p><p>So, Jake hadn’t gone to the airport, there was no work assignment calling him overseas. No, it was exactly what her NCIS-trained investigative suspicions and gut feeling had told her all along; he was having a tawdry affair.</p><p>While the team knew Jake was a cheater, she ensured his family were kept in the dark about the sordid details of the accident. They didn’t need that knowledge when his chances survival were slim to none.</p><p>But then he was in a coma, head injury on the impact, severe burns to his legs where the car engine had caught fire before he was pulled put. Recollections of his mom crying down the phone from Maine as she organised a flight when it was touch and go, of sitting by his bed hour after hour, day after day watching the machines monitor his struggle to stay alive and then his sister sobbing on her shoulder with relief weeks later as the doctor said he’d recover…eventually, with extensive rehab and solid family support.</p><p>Where in all that mess could she possibly have said she wanted out, that they were over, that he was getting head from Taylor, his blonde colleague at NSA as they drove too fast down the freeway on route to their illicit hideaway? She couldn’t tell his family that she’d read the police report and had seen the traffic-cam footage of a blonde head bobbing up and down in his lap. Taylor didn’t have her seatbelt on and was found wedged in a contorted mess impaled on the steering column, had died of catastrophic brain injuries and burned so bad they hadn’t been able to ID her at first until her DNA came back.</p><p>She couldn’t walk out on a critically injured husband, or a wheelchair-bound one or a slowly recovering, learning to walk again one either.</p><p>She was stuck.</p><p>Jake needed her; as his wife, she was expected to and felt obliged to care for him. And she did. To the best of her ability, she did, even after he remembered what he’d been doing that night and for months before. When he begged for forgiveness and told her he’d changed, and he loved her so much and that she was the reason he kept going. The accident changed him, he wasn’t the same snide, arrogant man he had become, he was back to being a sweet and appreciative guy like when they'd first met.</p><p>So, they had their first real, honest conversation in years maybe. They talked through everything, his affair, the fighting about her NCIS career change and she told him she'd cheated too, just once with a random guy, but they were being honest and it was a fresh start.</p><p>They drew a line in the sand promising to never look back, dredge up old arguments or sling mud at each other for past transgressions; a clean slate.</p><p>And she did love him, she just wasn’t in love with him.</p><p>But they could make it work, she believed that, then.</p><p>She was needed; he relied on her, depended on her and then later things were just so complicated there was no easy way out.</p><p>No, she hadn’t tried to find or contact Nick after that night or ever since, well, apart from that <em>one</em> time she typed his phone number into the system and discovered it was an unlisted, obsolete burner. A dead-end, but she’d already known in her heart that road had closed to her the moment she’d got Gibbs’ call that night and she’d bolted from his apartment in a panicked rush to get to the hospital.</p><p>When that same boss had barked at her to accompany him to the bus station in intercept Torres she almost baulked and considered passing the buck to McGee, but curiosity and something deeper made her overcome her trepidation.</p><p>She spotted him immediately, her eyes locked on him as they followed him even as he stealthily blended in with the crowds until they had him cornered.</p><p>The man she held at gunpoint was Nick Torres, but he was a different animal to the cute, fun guy she’d met that night.</p><p><em>This</em> Nick was hardened, feral and ferocious. There was a darkness to him, he was closed-off, defensive, and dangerous. Even a cursory flick through his file had told her that after eight years of undercover work he was a ruthless, killing machine. He looked at her, through her, coldly, without a flicker of recognition and she decided in that instant not to acknowledge their past, to continue as if they'd never met, never shared their bodies in the most intimate ways possible.</p><p>Five years was a long time and Nick Torres had lived many lives since that night. Why would he remember her, a lonely girl in the rain? It was just one crazy night best left in the past. She was good at hiding her real emotions behind smiling professionalism. They just had to wrap the case and he’d be gone again, back undercover as a new persona lying, cheating, sleeping his way into positions of trust, anything to close-in on a mark, it was a skillset he had perfected.</p><p>She didn’t want anything to do with that, with him; her life was complicated enough, and she’d enough on her plate juggling responsibilities. She just needed to do her job, catch the bad guys and get home every day still in one piece.</p><p>
  <em>Great plan Bishop! </em>
</p><p>And it was- right up until he took up Gibbs’ offer to quit the rat-race of undercover work and join their team, their family.</p><p>
  <em>Crap!</em>
</p><p>She’d always trusted Gibbs’ judgment, her boss had an uncanny ability to read people but putting Torres on their tight-knit crew, insisting he integrate back into regular desk-based, NCIS teamwork seemed like a crazy idea from the start. The guy, though pleasant and friendly, was clearly a loaded, primed weapon, impulsive, emotionally unstable with a short fuse and anger management issues.</p><p>As the weeks passed and months flew by, she came to compartmentalise, distinguishing <em>that</em> Nick of memory as a totally different person to <em>this</em> Nick she now worked with daily. He was funny and charming but efficient and smart too and after a couple of months and tough cases she considered him a trusted co-worker and eventually even a friend, not like McGee or Tony, they were like her extra pair of big brothers for god’s sake, but Nick had her back and that was enough.</p><p> </p><p>‘Boss, is it still ok for me to go at 3 pm today?’</p><p>‘Sure Bishop go when you need to’ Gibbs replied without even looking back as he strolled through the bullpen, ubiquitous coffee cup in hand on his way up to Vance’s office.</p><p>‘Hot date, huh?’ Nick hummed cheekily, trying to get a rise.</p><p>‘I wish’, she muttered then bit her tongue, her face flooding again. Torres did not need an in or any ammunition to taunt her more!</p><p>The teasing was a new thing she was struggling to get used to, well, struggling <em>not</em> to respond to, would be a better description of her torrid internal conflicts.</p><p>It had been three weeks since Torres had overheard her fight with Jake over the phone. He knew not to call her at work, she hated having to talk to him at the best of times and as she stomped back to her desk slamming her phone down in frustration, she just knew she’d have to say something. McGee would never divulge anything he deemed ‘personal stuff’, but Nick’s eyes found hers again and even as he slouched apparently relaxed and poised against his filing cabinet, she knew he was concerned.</p><p>‘Everything ok, Bishop?’ he finally asked when she’d gotten her spitting livid curses and heaving breathing under control.</p><p>‘Yeah, just a messy divorce’ she shrugged nonchalantly, even as her spine refused to relax from its ramrod fury and she hammered the keys of her laptop with excessive unwarranted force.</p><p>‘Oh’ he commented, clearing his throat awkwardly.</p><p>‘Yeah, oh’ she agreed expressively. She hadn’t elaborated and he didn’t ask for more information and the crisis was averted, for now.</p><p>They had been working together for six months and she doubted he remembered her at all. He’d certainly never even hinted or in any way broached the subject of meeting before. They carefully maintained a professional relationship where chit-chat was about safe, neutral, work-related subjects. Thinking about it now, it seemed strange, weird even that they could’ve gone so long without him never even knowing about her complicated marital status. It wasn’t a secret exactly, but the other members of the team knew the history and avoided the subject at all costs.</p><p>And Torres wasn’t likely to ever ask her, was he!</p><p>She knew <em>he</em> dated, a lot! He hammed up the Latino Casanova routine, but they all knew it was just an act, a comic caricatured persona he had created that eased him in and out of conversations, a clever deflection tool to avoid anything up close and personal. Even after sitting across from him for half a year he was still a mystery but just like that first night she was woman enough to admit she was intrigued by him.</p><p>But since the day she had mentioned her divorce something infinitesimal changed between them. It was so subtle that for the first couple of weeks she thought she was imagining his looks, his increased teasing, his presence.</p><p>Had he always hung out her at her desk?</p><p>It had been a running joke that he never actually sat at his own, but she became uber-aware and super-conscious that her cubical was more densely populated now and seeing as she and Torres were usually there, everyone else congregated there too for team banter, pow-wows and case file divvy-ups.</p><p>And then there was the chocolate. Everyone knew she ate a lot of junk, but he constantly replenished her stock of weird treats, leaving bars and bags on her desk, teasing that he was only feeding her so that her brain would power up, solve the case and they could all get home early.</p><p> </p><p>It was still only just after twelve-thirty and she’d decided to work through her lunch feeling a little guilty even with Gibbs' permission for leaving early, there was still all the financials in the McKenzie case to trawl through and Torres and McGee were already swamped.</p><p>‘Hey Bishop, you want us to bring you back something?’ Torres asked pulling on his jacket. She knew he and McGee and probably Palmer too were going to the diner for lunch, ‘I can grab you a cheeseburger, no lettuce, jalapeños and extra pickles?’</p><p>She squinted her eye as she mentally weighed up how much time she had, a little bit impressed that he remembered how she liked her burgers. As if on cue her stomach rumbled embarrassingly, and he smirked.</p><p>‘I think that’s a yes’ he chuckled.</p><p>‘Ok you twisted my arm, but have whatever you're getting first, no rush, I’m going to keep working this stuff before I leave-,’</p><p>‘Early…for your hot date? Huh? huh?’ he needled her inquisitively.</p><p>‘Torres, you're not even close!’ she brushed him off getting awkwardly embarrassed as he eyeballed her.</p><p>‘But I’m warm though and getting hotter right?’ preening himself and she couldn’t help but blurt out a scoffing laugh at his cheesy swagger.</p><p>‘Anytime today Torres!’ McGee rolled his eyes impatiently tapping his watch.</p><p>‘I’ll be back’ he intoned Arnie-style, giving her another of those smirky smiles that were starting to make her feel uncomfortable, not because she didn’t like being at the receiving end of them but because she did.</p><p>They'd only gone, and her phone rang. Jake’s ringtone, again.</p><p>‘Nope not today!’ she muttered declining the call and returning to her work. Then another, then another call and then a text.</p><p>‘<em>Answer your damn phone Ellie!’</em></p><p>If it was an emergency he would have texted that, but it wasn’t, it was just Jake trying to be controlling again. She flipped her phone over and ignored it some more. She got lost in her work for another while and when she heard the elevator ping her stomach growled again in anticipation of a juicy, carb-laden meat-fest courtesy of Torres.</p><p>‘Mommy!’ two little arms flung themselves around her waist.</p><p>‘What-? Baby! What are you doing here? Where’s daddy?’</p><p>Jake’s shadow fell over her and she hauled her daughter up into her arms, standing up so that he couldn’t try to intimidate her by towering over her.</p><p>‘Ellie, I left you a dozen messages’ he barked tapping his cane on the floor impatiently.</p><p>‘I’m <em>working</em> Jake, and we agreed, 4 o’clock!’</p><p>‘Well, something came up, you’ll have to take her’.</p><p>‘Jake! All you had to do was collect her from preschool and mind her for three hours, <em>as arranged</em>!’</p><p>‘I’m not a babysitter!’ he snapped.</p><p>‘No, you're her father!’</p><p>He levelled a look of such hatred, such animosity then that she really thought this was the moment it would all blow up. She could see the vein pulsating on his temple as he bit back his cruel insults and accusations generally saved for when they were alone, his display of temper usually hidden from the little girl who snuggled into her neck already comfort-sucking on her thumb, her eyes flicking nervously to the seething man.</p><p>‘Honey, thumb out, you're a big girl now’ he chided the little girl firmly and she complied and he gave her a soft smile.</p><p><em>Complicated</em> didn’t cover it!</p><p>By the time Jake had improved enough from the accident for their ‘big talk’ she was already three months pregnant and because of a fluke of timing and nature she’d very inconveniently fainted a week before in the middle of ICU with Jake’s sister, Anna, on hand as the doctor gave her the happy news that she was expecting and Anna had <em>helpfully</em> blurted it to everyone...</p><p>There <em>was</em> a possibility it was Jake’s; they had been sleeping together intermittently before the accident and now his lower body burn injuries meant that <em>this</em> child might be his only natural child.</p><p>So, he’d begged her to wipe the slate, erase the truth about any other ‘possibilities’. They were going to be parents, a family, he was going to be a dad and he was so enthusiastic and happy and his family were so thrilled as were her own. Guilt-tripped and stupidly optimistic about their chances of a happy life together she'd agreed.</p><p>And he doted on their infant daughter, proudly gushing to anyone who would listen about his perfect princess right up until an off-the-cuff joking remark from his cousin at a family BBQ noted how the toddler looked just like her momma but ‘not a bit like you Jake, lucky kid huh?!’</p><p>From that Sunday afternoon on everything was different. He was back at work, taking more and longer trips abroad, Afghanistan, Syria, Dubai. It started as coldness towards her then to the little girl, but she loved her daddy and though he was conflicted he loved her too.</p><p>Still, they tried to make it work until they couldn’t. Their constant fights were upsetting their daughter and that was the final straw.</p><p>She filed for divorce. And here they were, almost a year on still arguing over custody and he used every legal trick in the book to make her life difficult, having lawyer friends represent him for free while she spent a fortune on fees every time they had to go back to court.</p><p>‘Momma, where’s Grumpa Gibbs?’ She let the squirming child down off her hip and watched as she skipped over to his desk and climbed up onto his office chair trying to spin herself around, like he always did.</p><p>‘He’s in a meeting baby, don’t touch anything ok?’</p><p>‘Ok momma’</p><p>She snapped her attention back to her idiot ex-husband, ‘This was low even for you Jake, she was looking forward to milkshakes and <em>Moana</em> with you, like you promised!’</p><p>‘Something came up, work, I have a flight-,’</p><p>‘Yeah, whatever!’ She was so fixated on her fury she didn’t even hear the elevator doors opening but the squeal of delight alerted her, too late.</p><p>‘Tim! So can the twins have a sleepover at my house now and we can go on our bikes to the park and-,’</p><p>‘Hey ColaPops, wow that’s a lot, um, you know Morgan and Johnnie are only babies right, they have a bit more growing to do first’ he explained patiently with an amused smile. ‘Jake’ he barely inclined his head to acknowledge him.</p><p>‘Aww!’ she whined ‘but I’ve waited <em>ages</em> and…’ she prattled on to McGee who listened seriously to her every word.</p><p>‘I’ll pick her up next Friday’ Jake muttered harshly, before changing his tone. ‘Bye honey, I’ll Facetime tomorrow’</p><p>‘Bye Daddy’ she called back over her shoulder still avidly talking to Tim.</p><p>Jake turned on his heel to leave but there was a crash.</p><p>‘Woah! Sorry man, oh um, looks like you got some ketchup-,’</p><p>
  <em>Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!! How long had he been standing there?</em>
</p><p>‘It’s fine’ Jake grumbled crossly, wiping his stained shirt with a hanky as he left.</p><p>She was speechless as Nick put the crumpled and slightly oozy takeout food bag on her desk,</p><p>‘Sorry B, it got a little crushed there’ he explained while looking curiously at the child currently trying to hide behind her legs.</p><p>‘It’s fine thanks’ she managed before nervously clearing her throat, ‘um, this is my daughter, Coco’ she smoothed down her somewhat messy pigtailed chestnut hair with her hand and dropped a quick kiss on her head.</p><p>‘Hello!’ he smiled at her and Coco relaxed her death-grip on her thigh.</p><p>‘Momma?’ she mumbled tugging on her sweater sleeve.</p><p>‘Yeah, sweetie?’</p><p>‘Is <em>he</em> a stranger?’ she whispered conspiratorially and loud enough for everyone to hear.</p><p>‘No, honey, this is my friend Agent Torres, he works with me and Tim and Grumpa’</p><p>‘Grumpa?’ Nick chuckled an eyebrow arched questioningly.</p><p>‘Gibbs’ she explained wryly with a shrug, while her heart jackhammered in her chest.</p><p>‘Grumpy Grandpa’ Coco giggled, and Nick laughed with her, earning himself a dazzling smile from her little girl.</p><p>‘Nice to meet you, Coco, I’m Nick’ he introduced himself kneeling down and offering her his hand.</p><p>‘Ooh you have a nick-name like me!’ she marvelled, shaking it back, enjoying the formality.</p><p>‘Huh?’ he looked flummoxed by her statement and he looked to her for a translation but her jaw fell open slack with shock.</p><p>
  <em>No, no, no, no!</em>
</p><p>‘Daddy says Coco is just my baby name but I’m a big girl now’ she declared proudly.</p><p>‘I can see that’ he nodded in agreement.</p><p>‘Momma, can Nick call me Nicole? Can he Momma, <em>please</em>?’</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Lost for words</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>What was wrong with Bishop?</em>
</p><p>It was like she was frozen, all bunny in the headlights except for her mouth doing a damn-fine impression of a goldfish.</p><p>‘Can he momma, <em>please</em>?’</p><p>‘Sure baby, whatever you want’ she muttered distractedly, patting her on the head and even as he listened to the kid enthusiastically spell out her own name, he wondered why Bishop had never mentioned she had a daughter before.</p><p>How and why had she kept it so quiet from him?</p><p>There was none of the usual proud parent stuff, the cute photos, blobby finger-paintings or scribbled drawings pinned up around her desk. She’d never complained about vomiting bugs or chickenpox or bad nights, the stuff Tim, and he assumed moms, had to deal with a lot. Maybe she’d done all that before he’d started on the team, the kid was what, four or five maybe? He had no real reference point when it came to children’s ages- ‘babies’, ‘kids’ and ‘teens’, that was how he pigeon-holed them.</p><p>The little chatterbox was cute though, a mini-me version of Bishop only with darker hair and a sunkissed complexion. She had her eyes, that unusual shade of warm amber that reminded him of a well-aged single malt whiskey. And while her mom dressed conservatively, Nicole wore a riot of colours, everything decorated with glitter rainbows and shimmering unicorns from her sparkly runners up to the pink and violet ribbons in her wonky pigtails.</p><p>‘Mommy, I’m hungry’</p><p>‘Didn’t daddy give you some lunch?’ Bishop asked gently but he saw the flash of irritated exasperation cross her face before she plastered a smile back on.</p><p>‘Nope’</p><p>‘I have cheeseburger?’ Bishop offered her holding up the squished bag.</p><p>‘And fries’ he added helpfully. Bishop had a huge appetite so he’d got her a side-order, ketchup in a little tub but that was leaking out following his collision with asshole.</p><p>‘Daddy said I could have a milkshake’</p><p>‘I don’t have milkshake, baby’</p><p>‘But daddy <em>promised!’ </em>she wailed mournfully her chin dropping to her chest in disappointment and Bishop’s jaw tightened.</p><p>‘She can have my smoothie?’ he suggested, pulling his chilled flask from his backpack.</p><p>‘Thanks, but she’s not a big fan of healthy things-,’</p><p>‘What kind of smoothie?’ the little girl asked inquisitively. She’d left her mom’s side and was now tentatively leaning cross-armed on his desk.</p><p>‘Oh um, a special <em>big kid</em> kind with um, <em>superfoods</em>’ he mouthed exaggeratedly like it was a secret potion. Her eyes widened and he bit back a smile knowing she was sold.</p><p>‘Can I try it, momma?’</p><p>‘It’s just banana, strawberries, mango, oat milk and protein powder’ he listed out to reassure Bishop, not sure if the kid had allergies, but she gave an unconcerned shrug of consent and a smile before turning to her daughter.</p><p>‘Coco, you can have some but no pulling faces or sickie sounds-effects if you don’t like it’ she warned her firmly in a total ‘mom’ voice.</p><p>He shook up the flask cocktail-style and then poured her a cupful with a flourish. ‘This stuff will help you grow big strong muscles’ pointing to his own biceps.</p><p>‘Mmm, it’s nice!’ taking another slurp. ‘My mom does exercises for her buns of steel,’ she informed him innocently.</p><p>‘<em>Coco</em>!’ Bishop’s eyes rolled skywards in horrified embarrassment.</p><p>‘What?’ she glanced between them confused at his chuckle and her mother’s scarlet-faced chagrin.</p><p>‘Can I have some more, please?’ she asked shyly showing him her empty cup, ‘I really like it’ she added, and Ellie did a head-shaking double-take, her eyes widening in astonishment.</p><p>‘Sure’ he agreed, pouring out more once Bishop gave the ok.</p><p>‘Baby, as soon as you're done, I need you to sit over here on the floor and do some quiet colouring-in, ok? Mommy still has some work to do.’</p><p>‘Ok momma-<em>Grumpa!</em>’ the squeal almost pierced his eardrum!</p><p>‘Coco-cola! I wasn’t expecting to see you today!’ Gibbs gushed, oozing delight as he swept the little girl up into a hug and kissing her on the temple. This was a soft side to the boss he’d never witnessed!</p><p>‘Daddy was too busy for me today’</p><p>He heard Bishop suck in a breath, her face darkening and he could only imagine how much a comment like that stung.</p><p>‘Nick gave me his super smoothie’ she chattered seemingly unfazed.</p><p>‘He did, huh?’ Gibbs gave him one of his trademark appraising looks and smirked.</p><p>‘Yeah, you want some too, Grumpa?’</p><p>‘Um no thanks, I have my coffee’. She pulled a ‘yuck’ face at that.</p><p>‘Gibbs I’m sorry, Jake just dropped her and left-,’ Ellie scrambled to explain seemingly mortified at the unscheduled intrusion.</p><p>‘It’s fine, Bishop, why don’t you just go now?’</p><p>‘Really?’ she breathed, her shoulders dropping in relief as Gibbs mouthed a ‘go’ and she immediately started gathering up both hers and the kid’s stuff. ‘Time to go baby!’</p><p>‘See ya later Coco-cola!’ Gibbs called out as Bishop patiently held out the straps of the kid’s silver unicorn-teddy backpack complete with an iridescent rainbow mane, for her to thread her arms through as she skipped and spun about.</p><p>‘Bye Grumpa, bye Tim, bye Nick, thank you for my superfood, I think my muscles are growing already, look!’ she tensed her skinny tee-shirted arm, her face screwed up in exaggerated effort.</p><p>‘Wow! Definitely!’ he nodded impressed, his eyes theatrically wide and she blushed with the praise.  </p><p>After they’d gone, he mulled over the visit.</p><p>So <em>that</em> was her husband, well <em>ex</em>-husband. A mere thirty seconds in the same room and he already knew he loathed the guy. Probably unfair but his hatred was too long-ingrained to be easily diminished or dismissed. Five years was a long time to cultivate a festering abhorrence for someone, putting a face to the asshole had not altered his assumptions.</p><p>He’d concluded it was only because of her husband, her damaged marriage and whatever hold he had over her that she, Allison, Allie, <em>Ellie</em> had sneaked away that night and he wasn’t going to lie, it hurt that she’d gone, vanished without even saying goodbye.</p><p>Over the weeks and months and even years following that night he often replayed it all over and over in his head. When he was battered and bruised following a case gone bad, when he was held down, gun to his head, his life on a literal knife-edge, death a very real possibility, and when he was alone in the dark and the nightmares caught up with him. All those times he closed himself off from the pain and retreated to his own happy place, his mental refuge, to her lips on his neck, her soft hands combing through his hair, to being buried balls-deep within her but mostly to the inner peace he felt falling asleep with her in his arms, surrounded by her scent, the taste of her still tingling in his mouth.</p><p>He was beyond shocked to see her with Gibbs at the bus station alleyway that day. He should’ve said something immediately, but his head was up his ass with stress and guilt and worry about his sister and Amanda and months of lying and lack of sleep and his absolute single-minded determination to bring down DiSilva consumed him and that delay closed a window of opportunity.</p><p>And then it was just too late to say anything.</p><p>She probably didn’t remember him anyway. She certainly never acknowledged any previous acquaintance with him. There was the possibility she was mad with him, after all, he’d dropped off the grid and went dark that night too.</p><p>What if she just <em>had</em> to be somewhere and when she got back discovered <em>he</em> was gone, his phone disconnected, lease terminated, no forwarding address, untraceable like he’d never existed?</p><p>Unlikely but possible, right?  </p><p>So, some of it was on him. He’d lied to her too.</p><p>Over the past few months working with her, he’d learned she was already on Gibbs team around that time having moved from the NSA. They might have even unwittingly crossed paths or known the same people at NCIS. That was mind-blowing!</p><p>He’d kept it strictly professional between them, using humour and cheesy banter to cover the cracks as he struggled to mentally adjust back into ‘normal’ life. Maybe if he’d stopped doing the undercover work back then when he’d met her, he wouldn’t be as damaged, fractured and fucked up as he was now.</p><p>He tried spending time with Lucia and Amanda, filling in and making up for the years he’d missed. He trained hard, working out his frustration and pushing through his need on punchbags and chasing miles of pavement, the disciplined routine giving him purpose, direction and goals.</p><p>And he dated because somewhere there had to be someone who’d make him feel even a little of what he felt that night with her. It never worked though, nobody would ever, could ever compare.</p><p>How could anyone compete with a fairy-tale fantasy?</p><p>Even before he knew about the kid, he knew she didn’t need his darkness in her life… but it didn’t stop him trying.</p><p>He didn’t understand his seemingly instinctive, unquenchable need to constantly catch her attention. At first, he thought it was because he hoped, with the ball left in her court, she’d confess to knowing him. But as the weeks spilled into months, he knew that wasn’t going to happen, so it became a daily challenge to make her smile with his ridiculous teasing, and outrageous preening.</p><p>The news that she was divorced was more deliciously satisfying than it should’ve been. Up to that point, she’d never discussed her personal life beyond her family back home on the farm. He had, of course, noticed that she didn’t wear her wedding ring anymore but that could be a work thing.</p><p>He pushed the boundaries a little and she responded with nervous blushes, easy smiles and comic banter in return.</p><p><em>Flirting</em>, call it by its name!</p><p>He was flirting with her and for a few weeks, he actually thought he was getting somewhere.</p><p>Inexplicably though after little Nicole’s visit that day, things between them stumbled two steps back and he was at a loss as to why she’d become so closed-off and distant, her draw-bridge well and truly pulled up. It wasn’t that she was ignoring him, no, she chatted openly about work and cases. It was more that she didn’t engage, she shrugged off opportunities to rip into him for blatant skiving and didn’t bite when he dangled ripe chances for her to embarrass the hell out of him for silly stuff.</p><p>Maybe she was just intensely private about her home life? He’d tried to inquire about Nicole a couple of times, like did she like kindergarten and then asking was she excited for Santa in the run-up to the holidays? She always became defensive and a little shifty and he thought maybe he’d crossed a line, that her personal and professional life were kept strictly separate.</p><p>It was a dangerous, sometimes dirty job they worked, maybe it was her way of keeping Nicole safe. He could understand that.</p><p> </p><p>He was alone at home futilely trying to sleep when his phone rang.</p><p>‘Bishop?’ he yawned.</p><p>‘Hi Torres, um...I-,’</p><p>‘What’s up? You sound worried’ he sat up instantly alert.</p><p>‘I really need a favour’ she blurted, ‘I know you were working all night on that stakeout but I’m here at the courthouse about to give evidence in the Oligniev trial and her dad is abroad, McGee and Gibbs are both out on the Kittyhawk and Palmer’s away-</p><p>‘I get it B, I’m your last resort, what do ya need?’</p><p>‘Coco’s school just called me, they need me to pick her up-,’</p><p>‘Is she sick?’ he interjected, immediately concerned.</p><p>‘No, no, if she was, I would’ve bailed from here! No, it's an ‘administrative’ thing they said they want to talk to me about. If you're not busy is there <em>any</em> chance you-?’</p><p>‘Sure, Bishop don’t sweat it, just send me the school address’.</p><p>‘Oh my god, thank you! Can you screenshot me your ID so I can email it to the principal? You won’t be allowed in otherwise and I’m not sure how long I’ll be here but-, shoot, they’re calling me now!’</p><p>‘Go, it’s cool, she’ll be fine with me. Go do your thing’ he reassured her snapping a photo of his NCIS credentials and sending them to her.</p><p>‘Thanks Nick, oh and um, enchiladas’</p><p>‘What?’</p><p>‘Ma’am no phones in the courtroom’  an official’s voice droned.</p><p>‘Enchiladas Nick!’ she hissed before hanging up abruptly.</p><p>What the hell did she mean? Was he supposed to feed Nicole enchiladas? Easy, they were his favourite, and he knew a sweet place that served the best. Or maybe she was allergic, shit! A bit more info might’ve been helpful!</p><p>He dressed quickly, grabbed his keys and drove to the school location Bishop had sent him by text. No other instructions other than a contact name were included so he reckoned he’d just have to wing it; how hard could it be?</p><p>At the front door, he flashed his ID to the camera and was buzzed through to the office to be greeted by a prim-looking, middle-aged woman.</p><p>‘Ms McCarthy? I’m here to collect Nicole Bishop’, he introduced himself shaking her offered hand ‘I’m Nick Torres, her mom’s partner’.</p><p>‘You mean Nicole Bishop <em>Molloy</em>?’</p><p>‘Yes’, he bit back a grimace, ‘Ellie, her mom, said there was an administrative issue you needed to discuss? Where is Nicole?’ he asked looking around.</p><p>‘She’s in the ‘Sin-bin’, our ‘time out’ room.’</p><p>‘She’s <em>what</em> now?’</p><p>‘Maybe we should step into my office and I can explain’.</p><p>‘You’d better start explaining, fast!’ he growled.</p><p>‘Nicole was in a scuffle and she assaulted another child but refuses to apologise’</p><p>‘Wait, a scuffle like a <em>fight</em>? Is she ok? Is she hurt?’</p><p>‘She’s fine, she’s well, how do I say this-?’</p><p>‘Try!’ he barked impatiently.</p><p>‘She’s refusing to talk without her lawyer present and she pleads the Fifth’.</p><p>He covered his mouth to stifle his explosive involuntary snigger.</p><p>
  <em>Yeah, definitely Bishop’s daughter!</em>
</p><p>‘It’s not a laughing matter Mr Torres. She broke our good-conduct rules’</p><p>‘Let me talk to her and find out what happened’ he suggested clearing his throat and assuming a more serious expression.</p><p>‘Ok but we’ll insist on her making a <em>sincere</em> apology’</p><p>Nick was led down a corridor past a couple of boys sitting outside the principal’s office, one looking a bit green around the gills and the other sporting a bloody nose.</p><p>She opened the door and he saw Nicole sitting at a table, stubborn-faced with her arms crossed, crayons and a page untouched in front of her.</p><p>‘Nick!’ she shouted delightedly before a look of dread crossed her face, ‘are you here to arrest me?’</p><p>‘<em>What</em>? Nooo! I’m here to bust you out kid!’</p><p>‘Really?’</p><p>‘Yeah,’ he squatted down to her level, ‘first though, you’ve got to tell me what happened today, ok?’</p><p>She looked around to make sure the principal had left before she began. ‘He started it, Nick, I swear!’</p><p>‘<em>He</em> who?’</p><p>‘Him’ she whispered pointing at the boy with the bloody nose through the glass of the door.</p><p>‘Is he in your K class?’ he asked incredulously, comparing the kids’ obvious size difference and height.</p><p>‘Nope he’s in Room Four, second grade, anyways we were in the schoolyard and he said my mom must have been a hoe high on coke to call me Coco-,’</p><p>‘He said <em>what!?</em>’ he spluttered in horror.</p><p>‘Yeah, I don’t know what that means but I know it’s bad because soda ruins your teeth, so I told him to leave me alone and then he pushed me over so I kicked him in the ankle then he fell over and put his arm tight around my neck so I punched him and then he was crying and I think I broke his nose and he said I’m going to be doing time in the big house and I don’t know what that is but-,’</p><p>‘Nicole, cálmate, it’s ok, you did nothing wrong niña’ he soothed her, his hand circling on her back until she caught her breath. ‘Let me just talk to Ms McCarthy for a minute, ok?’</p><p>‘I’m not saying sorry’ she said defiantly, ‘because I'm not, and lying is bad’.</p><p>‘Leave it to me’ he winked.</p><p>Five minutes with the Principal and he had <em>her</em> apologising to Nicole. He threw the kitchen sink at her, everything from insufficient supervision of pupils, lapsed safety protocols and rampant bullying to pointing out that Nicole’s father was a government lawyer and would be in touch and that her mother was currently representing NCIS in a court case with international security ramifications which had been delayed so as to deal with this obvious case of school mismanagement. He was quite proud of himself for not losing his temper.</p><p>‘Grab your coat and bag kid, we’re out of here!’</p><p>‘Yay! -, oh, no! I can’t go with you!’</p><p>‘Why not?’ he asked confused at her sudden change of heart.</p><p>‘Password’</p><p>‘Huh?’</p><p>‘Password, you have to say the password so I know mommy said I can go with you’</p><p>Clever! And again, typical Bishop!</p><p>‘Oh erm, right…’ he wrecked his brains for inspiration, before it hit him, ‘oh oh, <em>enchiladas</em>?’ he blurted, snapping his fingers.</p><p>‘Password correct!’</p><p>It was 1 o’clock in the afternoon, Ellie probably wouldn’t be finished in court till at least 4 pm, what the hell was he going to do with a five-year-old until then?</p><p>‘So, what do you want to do until your mom’s done with work? Any ideas?’</p><p>‘Uh… the Zoo?’                                                                                                              </p><p>‘Maybe not today with this rain. What kinda things do you like?’</p><p>‘I like unicorns and dragons and rhinos. Mommy says they’re like chubby unicorns’</p><p>‘I have an idea!’</p><p>It didn’t take long to drive downtown, park up on Maddison Drive and walk the short distance to the entrance. She surprised him by grabbing his hand, excitedly skipping and hopping along beside him as she tried to guess where they were going.</p><p>‘Tah dah!’ he announced as they arrived.</p><p>‘Wow! What is this place!’ she marvelled overwhelmed at the lofty height of the gallery and the huge elephant exhibit dwarfing everyone.</p><p>‘This is the Smithsonian Natural History Museum, my niece used to call it the Dead Zoo. I know there’s dinosaurs and probably a rhino, I’m not sure about the unicorn, they’re pretty rare. Shall we get a map and you can pick out what you want to see?’</p><p>‘I want to see<em> everything</em>!’</p><p>Of course she did, but after a couple of hours of exploring the huge building her little legs were tired and he could see she was fading.</p><p>‘You hungry chiquita?’ he asked stopping at a kiosk and letting her pick out a juice box and a chocolate-chip flapjack.</p><p>‘What does that mean? <em>Chiquita</em>’ she quizzed him whilst chomping on her treat, her little legs swinging back and forth as they sat companionably on a bench.</p><p>‘Oh, it means ‘little girl’ or ‘sweetie’ in Spanish’.</p><p>‘Do you speak Spanish?’</p><p>‘Yeah, that’s what we spoke growing up in my family’</p><p>‘Will you teach me?’</p><p>‘Sure’ he agreed though regretted that decision a tad as they spent the rest of the time in the museum and the whole drive back to NCIS engaged in a never-ending game of her pointing to things and he telling her the Spanish word for it. She definitely had her mother’s gift for languages, rolling the words in her mouth again and again, matching his accent until she had memorised it. By the time Ellie rushed into the bullpen flustered and apologetic Nicole had practised what she wanted to say to perfection.</p><p>‘Hola mamá ¿cómo estás?’ Nicole chirped.</p><p>‘Bien, ¿y tú?’ Bishop replied instinctively before realising, ‘Wait, <em>what</em>?’</p><p>‘Estoy bien, gracias! I’m speaking <em>Spanish</em> momma, Nick taught me, and we went to the Dead Zoo-,’</p><p>‘Huh?’ Bishop looked completely flummoxed at the little girl’s excited narration of their afternoon.</p><p>‘The Smithsonian’ he explained squirming a little with embarrassment, ‘she was a little upset about school-,’ he held up his hand deferring the barrage of questions he knew would come, ‘everything’s ok, but maybe call me later and I’ll explain’ he nodded significantly towards Nicole and tapped his ear.</p><p>‘Momma, have you talked in Spanish with Nick too?’</p><p>‘Yeah’ they both answered in unison and then froze, their eyes locked for just a second too long and in that moment, it seemed like they were back in that elevator on the way up to his apartment, his lips on her neck as she whispered sibilant, sassy, sexy Spanish in his ear begging for more …</p><p>‘Momma? I need to pee!’</p><p>Ellie blinked as her breath hitched, and she looked away flushed and discombobulated even as his own flustered heart thundered in his ears. She was all business sorting out Nicole’s bathroom trip and while they were in there, he caught himself pacing, raking his agitated fingers through his hair, his every muscle strained and tetchy wanting to know was this it, would she finally acknowledge their one night?</p><p>But when the restroom door opened her face was calmly neutral.</p><p>The moment was gone.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Jaw dropping</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry for the delay in posting, we had a very sad death in the family.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ellie Bishop was absolutely <em>not</em> thinking about <em>that</em> night, nope, nuh-huh, no way.</p><p>The bathroom was just really warm and kinda muggy and she was tired and hungry and that was making her jittery and sweaty.</p><p>She worked hard on controlling her face so that Coco didn’t notice, the kid was unbelievably observant and picked up on any mood change…one of the main reasons she’d finally decided to divorce Jake, every cross word upset her and each snarky sling-back remark stung Coco like a physical slap. The last straw came when she’d found her huddled in her bed, hands over her ears, her face wet with tears after a particularly vicious verbal spat.</p><p>She told Jake to pack his bags that night and filed the papers the next day.</p><p>And they were doing ok on their own.</p><p>Sure, Jake was …difficult at times, still trying to manipulate and control her, criticising her job, her parenting style, demanding additional custody time which she didn’t have a problem with really, it was just he constantly let Coco down, promising trips and treats and ‘quality time’.</p><p>God, she hated that phrase!</p><p>He must’ve read it in some shitty guidebook. More often than not Coco was palmed-off onto his sister who’d enough going on with her own kids, or she was told to watch TV, keep quiet and generally entertain herself. She knew what he was doing though. The more time he was allocated by the court the more he argued that they were sharing parental responsibility, so he didn’t need to pay as much child support.</p><p>Control.</p><p>She’d gone through the motions in court but couldn’t cope with his smug delight when it went his way.</p><p>She wouldn’t ask again, no way, so she ‘managed’.</p><p>She managed her demanding career, raising her daughter, paying bills, juggling laundry and cooking and shopping and school-runs and childcare but it was exhausting, most nights she fell asleep in Coco’s bed midway through story-time!</p><p>And she was lonely.</p><p>Her family were just so far away and she missed them, she missed the practical support they could offer if they lived locally. Sure, she had friends, good friends, the girls Kasie, Delilah, Sloane, a dad- like figure in Gibbs, a brother in Tim, an art-hobby pal in Jimmy… and then there was Nick.</p><p>And then there was Nick.</p><p>‘I think my hands are clean now momma’ Coco chirped, interrupting her thoughts on her ‘not a brother’ co-worker.</p><p>‘Oh yeah good, let’s go then!’ she replied just a little too brightly whilst she hurriedly massaged her face into something that looked kinda normal, curbing her usual nervous tick of repetitively tucking her hair behind ears.</p><p>Coco almost dragged her out of the bathroom in her rush to get back to Nick.</p><p>‘Nick, what’s ‘pizza’ in Spanish?’ she asked coyly.</p><p>‘Pizza’ he responded with a shrug and she grumbled all let-down until she came up with a new tactic.</p><p>‘How do you say, ‘I want pizza for dinner, please’?’ hitting her with a double whammy of a winsome smile and pleading pouty-lip.</p><p>‘No need to translate, ok ok! Pizza it is’ she rolled her eyes indulgently as Coco applauded the decision delightedly. ‘Let’s go!’</p><p>‘Bye guys!’ Nick waved them off from his position still propped against his desk.</p><p>Coco came to a stop and turned back to Nick, ‘Aren’t you coming too?’</p><p>‘Umm, I don’t-,’ he squirmed awkwardly ping-ponging his startled eyes between them looking for an out.</p><p>‘Honey, Nick might be busy-,’</p><p>‘Everyone’s always too busy’ Coco muttered dolefully, her little shoulders drooping in disappointment. The words stung her, that her poor child felt like that broke her heart.</p><p>‘Nick?’ she asked nervously, trying to keep the pleading from her voice, ‘you're welcome to join us if um, you're not busy that is’. She was putting it out there, just for Coco, totally for her daughter…</p><p>She watched as his throat swallowed a gulp. ‘No, I’m not busy at all’ he replied, his voice a slightly higher pitch than normal. ‘Pizza sounds great. My treat’</p><p>‘Absolutely not! You already saved my a- um, bacon today. How about you come over in about an hour? I’ll order pizza for six, and um, we can have that chat after someone goes to bed.’</p><p>He nodded a little apprehensively, his eyes bugging-out and she wondered should she have gotten the abridged version of whatever happened at the school because now her head was jumping to all kinds of conclusions.</p><p>As soon as she got in the door of their apartment, she did a crazy-mad scatter of tidying and hiding clutter and in those ten minutes achieved more than she would had she slogged over the chores all day Saturday.</p><p>He wasn’t likely to open the closet or look under the beds, was he?</p><p>Next up she changed out of her formal court outfit and pulled on some yoga-pants, without holes for a change, a white vest-top and a red check shirt. Her hair was a mess, so she just twisted it up into a loose bun.</p><p>Casual, it was <em>just</em> pizza and just Nick. She had food with him all the time, at work…</p><p>He knocked on the door promptly at ten to six, two tubs of ice-cream in hand.</p><p>‘Strawberry and chocolate-chip, I wasn’t sure which Nicole liked best.’</p><p>‘Ice-cream on a school night, yay!!’ Coco began her elaborate victory-dance immediately.</p><p>He winced realising he’d made a parenting 101 blunder and opened his mouth to apologise.</p><p>‘It’s fine,’ she cut him off taking the tubs, smiling at him in thanks as she realised he’d chosen her favourite Italian brand. ‘Really, one scoop won’t do her any harm’. The buzzer rang and she made a move towards the door, ‘help yourself to a beer in the fridge, I’ll just be a minute.’</p><p>She dashed downstairs and paid the pizza guy chastising herself for probably ordering way too much but at least she’d have reheated slices for breakfast so, all good.</p><p>‘Food’s here guys!’ she called out juggling the boxes while kicking the door closed behind her.</p><p>She just glimpsed Coco pulling Nick by the hand, ‘…and this is mommy’s room, right next to mine, see? She has a big bed I don’t know why because daddy doesn’t sleepover now, he lives in a shiny house-,’</p><p>‘Shiny?’ Nick’s voice hummed along the corridor.</p><p>‘Yeah, it’s got silver stuff and big windows and glass walls, but I’m not allowed touch anything because I leave marks’ she explained holding up her hands like they were offending articles. Jake lived in a super-modern new-build house, minimalist, chrome and glass everywhere, not child-friendly at all.</p><p>Nick turned when he heard her putting down the boxes on the table and met her eyes. She knew he saw the hurt she couldn’t disguise.</p><p>‘Coco, honey, go wash up. Sorry, she’s…’</p><p>‘Adorable’ he finished with a smile that made her blush.</p><p>‘Yeah? You say that now but wait till she wakes you at 5 am to tell you about her latest unicorn dream’ she scoffed flippantly.</p><p>The words were out of her mouth before she grasped how that could be construed and she turned away getting busy grabbing plates and napkins and doing everything and anything not to look at him because a smirk on that damn face of his now and she was a goner.</p><p>Her nerves getting the better of her, she kept busy by eating far too much pizza, even for her, but luckily Coco filled in every gap in the conversation, not that there were many of those. She sipped on her beer and watched as the two of them talked over their trip and what she’d learned about snakes and how Nick was afraid of them even though they were dead already. Of course, he tried to bluff his way out of admitting his obvious phobia and both she and Coco teased him unmercifully, the little girl startling him with hissing hand-snakes while he faked mini-heart attacks. It was nice to hear laughter ricocheting around the apartment.</p><p>She completely caved and let Coco have a small scoop of each of the ice-cream flavours because she couldn’t choose. As she herself had her usual chocolate and Nick had the fruit option, they watched bemused as Coco mixed the two varieties into a gloopy soup before slurping the mixture off her spoon in delight.</p><p>She left him watching basketball while she settled Coco to bed, the child still talking a-mile-a-minute probably on a sugar-high even though she was whacked. Eventually, she quietened and she kissed her good night, switching on her musical light display and closed the door over.</p><p>Yawning she plopped herself on the other end of the sofa from Nick. ‘I’m a bad momma! I hope she doesn’t puke’ she groaned exhaustion catching up with her.</p><p>‘Sorry, it was totally my fault, I didn’t think about bedtime sugar-rushes!’</p><p>‘Really it’s fine’ she reassured him before tackling the more pressing issue. ‘So, you want to tell me what the big mystery was at her school today, did I forget to fill in a form or something?’</p><p>‘No, not exactly’ he muttered nervously and then proceeded to tell her what had happened.</p><p>‘I’m sorry if I overstepped’ he muttered his throat bobbing up and down anxiously.</p><p>‘What?’ she shook her head distractedly.</p><p>‘Well, for the past five minutes you’ve been growling and spitting like a tiger with a thorn in its ass!’</p><p>‘Not at <em>you</em> Nick! God, you probably handled it better than I would’ve! Let’s just say there’d be a Principal-sized hole in the wall if I’d been there!’</p><p>‘Wow, that would’ve been fun to watch.’</p><p>‘I’ll call the school tomorrow and set up a meeting to <em>discuss</em>,’ her tone came out probably more murderous than she had intended, and his eyes widened at her vehemence. ‘Did they comment about why it wasn’t me collecting her? I’m actually surprised they told you anything at all!’</p><p>‘Ms McCarthy was ok, I just introduced myself and told her I’m your partner there to collect Nicole’.</p><p>‘Oh’</p><p>‘Oh?’</p><p>‘Um, they probably thought you are my partner’ she explained awkwardly.</p><p>‘Yeah, I am?’ he screwed up his face, obviously baffled at her clarification.</p><p>‘Partner as in…<em>boyfriend</em> partner’ she knew her voice had a squeaky quality as she got more and more flustered.</p><p>‘Ooooh right,’ he muttered finally comprehending, ‘easy mistake, huh?’</p><p>‘Yup, easy mistake’ she nodded sagely.</p><p>‘No harm no foul’ he murmured his voice dropping to a lower, gravellier cadence and her own breath hitched.</p><p>‘Right’ she swallowed nervously.</p><p>‘I should probably go’ he blurted standing up abruptly, ‘it’s getting late and you're tired.’</p><p>
  <em>Shit, I must look crap!</em>
</p><p>‘Ok!’ a little too brightly, ‘thank you so much for today Nick, lifesaver’.</p><p>‘Glad I could be your very last resort’ he chuckled, and she knew her face burned.</p><p>‘You're not-, I mean, I just didn’t want to wake you’ she explained lamely.</p><p>‘B, it’s cool, anytime. I had a lot of fun today, she’s a cool kid. And thanks for dinner, that was great too’</p><p>‘It was just pizza’ she shrugged nonchalantly.</p><p>‘The company made it special. See you tomorrow’. And he left.</p><p>And that was that, or so she thought, until about a week later and Nick arrived back from questioning a witness with Tim in tow right into the middle of Kasie and Sloane hovering at her desk giving her another roasting.</p><p>‘McGee! You’ll volunteer, won’t you?’ Kasie grabbed Tim’s elbow whilst simultaneously shushing Ellie with a death glare.</p><p>‘Um, I’d kinda need to know what you're talking about Kase, <em>before</em> committing’</p><p>‘You’ll take Coco tomorrow night, so us girls can go for the meal we’ve planned and rescheduled like <em>five times</em> already, one more kid with the twins? Easy peasy!’</p><p>‘Delilah’s sending ours to her mom’s because I’m actually going our too, an old college friend’s stag-night. Sorry!’</p><p>‘Look girls don’t reorganise again, I’ll go next time for sure’ she sighed in defeat. Jake had cancelled taking Coco for the weekend again, work he said but he knew leaving it until the last minute meant inconvenience and hassle for her.</p><p>‘What’s this now?’ Nick asked, taking in all the glum faces.</p><p>‘Ellie is bailing on our girl’s night, <em>again</em>’ Kasie moaned, pulling a pouty-face</p><p>‘Coco’s childminder has exams all next week,’ she explained, ‘she’s not available and I’ve nobody else’</p><p>‘I’ll do it, I mean um, I’m available to babysit her, if you want?’ he offered hesitantly.</p><p>Her jaw dropped, 'Nick, I couldn’t ask-,’ </p><p>‘Yeah, you could!’ Kasie interrupted, slapping her hand over Ellie’s mouth to stop her rejecting the offer. ‘You’d <em>babysit </em>someone’s kid, on a Saturday night? Who are you and what have you done with <em>our</em> Torres?’ Kasie joked, her eyes wide in astonishment.</p><p>‘No pressure but the offer’s there’ he chuckled, ‘Bishop, you should go out with the girls!’</p><p>‘<em>Ellie!</em>’ Kasie and Sloane squealed in unison when she started to object, more out of politeness than real aversion to the suggestion.</p><p>‘Ok ok, if you're <em>sure</em> Nick?’</p><p>‘No problem, as long as <em>Nicole</em> will be ok with me minding her?’ he added a little apprehensively.</p><p>‘Well considering she hasn’t stopped asking when you’re coming over again, I think she’ll be delighted to see you.’</p><p><em>Understatement much!</em> Coco seemed to have taken a huge shine to Nick and he popped into almost every one of their conversations somehow. She’d fended off at least three of her daughter’s none-too-subtle attempts at wrangling a playdate-pizza date with her new favourite friend.</p><p>‘Word of warning though’ she added, shaking her head gingerly.</p><p>‘Yeah?’</p><p>‘She’s made a snake sock-puppet just to scare the bejebus out of you’. She hissed mischievously and poked him in the ribs catching him off-guard so much he yelped, ‘so good luck with that!’</p><p>Nick groaned, shuddering theatrically, and she couldn’t help a chortle at his antics, but turning back to her desk she saw their playful exchange had not gone unnoticed.</p><p>Sloane and Kasie were smirking at her in a loud tone of voice, yeah, even their eyeballs shouted questions. She just knew there’d be an awkward interrogation over cocktails. But there was nothing like <em>that</em> going on between them, so she had no reason to feel unexpectedly bashfully reticent in front of her friends, right?</p><p>The following evening, she was all ready to go, dressed-up for the first time in what seemed like months. Flicking on an extra layer of mascara and checking her teeth for lipstick she made her way out to the living room where a punctual Nick had already settled in on the couch with a pajamaed Coco to watch ‘The Little Mermaid’, her latest mythical creature fascination.</p><p>‘Mommy, you look pretty!’</p><p>‘Thanks baby! Now you be on your best behaviour for Nick tonight, when he says it’s bedtime it’s bedtime, ok?’</p><p>Nick sat there speechless, his eyes glassy, his jaw slack, gawping at her in open-mouthed what she hoped was admiration. Thinking about it, he’d never actually seen her in ‘going-out’ clothes and she found herself warming under his prolonged silent gaze.</p><p>Maybe her claret, deep-red dress was a little low-cut, or was it too short? Nervously she started tugging at her neckline, adjusting the wrap dress to cover more of her attributes.</p><p>‘I think I’ll change…?’ she muttered uncertainly, already half-turning back to the doorway.</p><p>‘Don’t!’ he blurted, and he heard him roughly clear his throat. She flicked a glance and watched as he swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing in his neck.</p><p>‘Bishop, you look lovely’ he managed with a smile, his sincere compliment sending more heat to her cheeks. ‘Go have fun. We’re cool, aren’t we?’ Nick nudged Coco playfully and her daughter giggled.</p><p>‘Yeah, we’re totally cool momma. Have a nice date!’</p><p>‘It’s not a date, honey, it’s just dinner and drinks with the girls’.</p><p>‘So, what’s a date then?’</p><p>‘Erm, that’s um, when you go out with a <em>special</em> friend who you really um, like a lot ’ she scrambled, hoping that would satisfy her ever-inquisitive child.</p><p>Coco’s head tilted to the side as she processed that information. ‘Like Nick? He’s a special friend because only special friends know the password, and you like him don’t you mommy?’</p><p>‘Um, I, yeah we’re good friends and um, I’d better go’ she spluttered, completely on the backfoot with her daughter’s intuitive leaps and social innocence.</p><p>It wasn’t helping that Nick was busting a gut trying to contain his laughter at her being embarrassingly put on the spot.</p><p>She thanked the Lord Above when her phone pinged that her taxi was outside and she said a hasty goodbye to both of them, hoping her blooming armpit sweats didn’t ruin her dress.</p><p> </p><p>Fun out with girls was exactly what she needed and even the ribald teasing about her new ‘familiarity’ with Torres didn’t faze her too much.</p><p>‘Nick took Coco for a while so that I could come out, that’s all’ she replied to Delilah’s question.</p><p>Delilah raised her eyebrows at Sloane and mouthed, ‘<em>Nick?’</em></p><p><em>'Torres</em>, our Nick Torres? Now covering babysitting duties?’ Delilah asked incredulously, switching to a shrewd smile as Ellie turned to follow a smirking Kasie into a leather-covered booth in a dimly lit alcove.</p><p>‘Don't be getting any ideas, Dee, I'm almost certain that the offer is exclusive to Coco!’ she laughed opening the drinks-list and explaining briefly how Nick had come to her childcare rescue the week before and that Coco was enthralled with him. She may have over-played her case that as Nick was a big goofy kid at heart, he and her five-year-old were already kindred spirits.</p><p>Delilah smiled over at Sloane and she caught the jubilantly smug look passing between them.</p><p>‘I think we all know <em>who</em> that offer is really exclusive to...’ Jack muttered archly and took a noisy slurp of her cocktail. ‘I think he <em>likes</em> you, Ellie’.</p><p>She scoffed, squirming on the high stool, that warm glow only Nick triggered radiated through her again, licking her insides with flames she thought were long extinguished. She clenched her thighs together feeling the rekindled fire spread and lick her core as images Nick’s dark brown eyes, his muscular arms, his tanned hands flashed in her mind.</p><p>‘He’s my partner… and we hang out together a lot, that’s all’ she answered defensively.</p><p>‘Mmhm!’ the three girls sing-songed back at her, raising their eyebrows simultaneously in scepticism.</p><p>She laughed it off lightly, ignoring the taunting comments and looked back down at the menu. She couldn’t prevent her characteristic blushing response to their in-depth and colourful imaginings about her and Nick, but she was very clear; they were <em>just</em> friends.</p><p>Kasie and Delilah might have accepted that version, Sloane- not so much.</p><p>Great, all she needed was Jack putting two and two together about her perplexing feelings for her partner and she’d spend every waking minute trying to analyse her!</p><p>Arriving home just before midnight she found Nick sitting up on the sofa snoring, Coco snuggled up asleep beside him, covered in her fluffy rainbows blanket, her new kids’ Spanish phrasebook tucked under her arm.</p><p>They looked so comfortable and cosy together she had to resist the temptation of joining them on the sofa and cuddling in too. Living with Jake, being technically married but effectively estranged had meant she’d spent years missing-out on so many moments just like this.</p><p>Coco was perfect in every way and she loved being a mom, but she was tired of being alone. She felt touch-starved and longed for a connection, passion, intimacy again. The last person she had felt anything like that for was currently flaked out on her couch, but he may as well have been a million miles away. Time had changed them both, they were different people now not that she really ever <em>knew</em> him. It was just one night, one incredible magical night…</p><p>But that ship, <em>their</em> ship, had sailed...never to be spoken of again, the silence deafening.</p><p>Maybe it was time she started dating guys again? She hadn’t even thought about it since she and Jake split. But Coco was older now, maybe she could think about her own needs a little.</p><p>Perhaps she was ready for a fresh start?</p><p>The notion percolated through her mind as she stood watching them both sleep but the picture-perfect image before her pushed away all other thoughts. She bit her lip hard enough to stop the tears from falling but not her sniffle.</p><p>He flinched at the sound and woke with a start, immediately checking over Coco anxiously.</p><p>‘Shh, I’m just home’ she reassured him in a whisper. ‘Looks like you have a Klingon on your starboard bow!’</p><p>‘She said she’d had a bad dream and that she’d usually get into bed with you. I think she pulled a fast one, but I let her sleep here just in case. Sorry, I shouldn’t have dozed off.’</p><p>‘Not at all’ she waved her hand airily at him, ‘I’ll lift her in.’</p><p>‘I can do it if you want, you’re still in your heels’ he pointed out and she might’ve caught his gaze travelling appreciatively up her legs to her mid-thigh hemline.</p><p>‘Ok, I’ll get changed and put the coffee pot on. You ok to stay for a cup?’</p><p>‘Yeah…um, of course’ he nodded a little tentatively.</p><p>She hovered as he hoisted up her tiny girl and she pecked a kiss on her forehead and gently combed back her soft, messy hair.</p><p>‘Goodnight sweetie, love you’ she whispered inhaling her daughter’s unique adorable fragrance but Coco just snuggled further into Nick’s chest, her thumb going straight into her mouth.</p><p>She hadn’t realised she had leaned right over into Nick’s arms to kiss Nicole and only now became aware that her chest was propped over his forearm cradling the child, the V-neck of her wrap dress gaping enough to reveal her maroon lacy bra. With a jolt, she registered that she had also steadied herself by holding onto his bicep with her free hand so now they were almost waltzing with Coco between them.</p><p>She knew without lifting her eyes that Nick’s lingered on the accidental display.</p><p>‘She um, likes her light-show on and Cornelius, her unicorn teddy, has to be tucked in with her’ she stammered, the heat from Nick’s body sending a shiver down her spine.</p><p>‘Mmhm’.</p><p>She heard him swallow and felt his arms curl a little tighter around Coco, the movement nudging her breasts a little, but his feet still didn’t move. Chancing a glance, she found it wasn’t so much her decolletage but her lips he was paying attention to. He slowly refocused and took in her whole face and one of those indecipherable teasing smiles played across his own. Mesmerised briefly, she eventually rousing herself, blinking owlishly and releasing her grip on his upper arm before stepping back as her cheeks burned. Her lungs ached and it took her a moment to recollect she hadn’t exactly breathed recently. Flustered she mumbled something incoherent excusing herself and escaped to her bedroom, all breathless and fidgety as she stripped off her dress and pulled on her pyjamas.</p><p>Opening her door, she noticed Nick had Coco settled in bed and he was in the bathroom. Padding out to the kitchen in her fluffy slippers she riffled through her cupboards to find what she needed. Automatically she started emptying the dishwasher as the coffee brewed until Nick tipped her on the elbow, startling her out of her monotonous chore.</p><p>The first thing she noticed was his proximity, mere inches from her, the hairs on her arms goose-bumped in anticipation of his touch. Her throat was dry as she sucked in her breath only to inhale more of his distinctive aroma, masculine, spicy, subtle and yet so familiar.</p><p>But when she looked at him something was <em>off</em>, and her thumping heart rate sped up, more now in anxiety than desire. His face awash with nervous trepidation as his hand rubbed across his bristled jawline. He avoided her eyes and rolling his eyes skyward seeking divine assistance instead, and she held her breath waiting for the inevitable.</p><p>‘B, we need to talk, about Nicole.’</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Totally unprepared</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He had to tell her.</p>
<p>It had to be him. He couldn’t let someone else say it to her or fling it in her face to hurt her.</p>
<p>Of course, she <em>probably </em>already knew and in which case he was stressing over nothing. Why open a can of worms?  He should leave it a while, wait and see, maybe it would be best if he said nothing at all.</p>
<p>No, it wouldn’t be right for him to know and not tell her.</p>
<p>He had to tell her, but he hated himself for being the one to say it.</p>
<p>‘Ellie, um, Nicole told me some stuff tonight and…look, do you know Jenna?’</p>
<p>‘Jenna? No, who’s Jenna?’</p>
<p>
  <em>Oh shit!</em>
</p>
<p>He never wanted to be the one to bring pain to her door, but she trusted him, trusted him with her most precious thing in the world, Nicole. Over the past few weeks, he believed they were building on their friendship. Every smile, every look, every touch no matter how fleeting, everything was building up to a closeness, beyond partners, more than friends.</p>
<p>They were getting there, he felt it in the marrow of his bones, but they weren’t there yet.</p>
<p>While he had spent years building a sturdy, impenetrable wall around himself she had locked herself away in the tallest tower, one wrong move and her drawbridge went up. It wasn’t aloofness it was self-preservation, he got that, probably more than anyone.</p>
<p>But little by little she had let him in. She’d asked for his help and getting closer to her… was doing stuff to his brain. For years he’d only a fantasy version of ‘Allie’ in his thoughts, in his dreams, but the reality of Ellie was so much more alluring, bewitching …</p>
<p>
  <em>Christ! he wanted her!</em>
</p>
<p>It was getting harder and harder to be in her presence and not just grab her and kiss her until they were both breathless and she begged for more <em>en español por favor… </em>the mere thought of it sent his boy twitching to full mast in anticipation.</p>
<p>Yeah, it was definitely getting harder!</p>
<p>That evening after he had collected Nicole from school Ellie looked so vulnerable, her usual tough bravado completely shattered, and he knew anything that hurt Nicole hurt Ellie a hundred times more. He’d wanted to ask them both out for dinner even before the little girl blackmailed her mom into inviting him, he’d had fun with Nicole in the museum but didn’t want to intrude or push his luck.</p>
<p>He’d jumped at the chance of spending more time, outside of work with Ellie. He thought he was in the doghouse between his stupid ice-cream screw-up and then explaining his maybe heavy-handed approach with the principal, but Bishop took all that in her stride.</p>
<p>Her going all mama-bear over the teacher’s unfair treatment of Nicole followed by the partner/partner misunderstanding was a jeans-tightening turn-on, so much so, he had to leave, quickly, before he embarrassed himself.</p>
<p>He volunteered to babysit for girls’ night because in all the time he’d worked with her he’d never once seen or heard of Ellie going out. It made sense now of course, now he knew about Nicole. He desperately needed to see Ellie smile, in his mind’s eye he remembered her carefree laughter that night years ago and how her sunshine seemed to seep by osmosis into his soul. He wanted that, needed that light around him. And he was willing to do anything just to bask in that glow again, not that minding Nicole was a hardship, she was a precious ray of sunlight just like her beautiful mom.</p>
<p>Ok, he always knew she was gorgeous but seeing Ellie dressed-up to go out, in <em>that</em> deep-red dress...</p>
<p>
  <em>Fuck! </em>
</p>
<p>The ruffled hem of her dress skirted way north of her knees revealing miles of killer legs, and his eyes unconsciously trailed upwards from her strappy black heels to the soft curve of her thighs. The not-so-demure neckline accentuated expanses of flawless creamy skin unseen since that night… And then her abundance of softly-curled camomile and honey hair cascading like a...</p>
<p>Ok, he had it <em>bad</em>!</p>
<p>For a guy apparently gifted in the arts of flirting and seduction she rendered him speechless and gormlessly jelly-legged without even trying.</p>
<p>She looked stunning, radiant and, fucking hot as hell!</p>
<p>And yet she seemed uncertain, reluctant even to show off her absolute gorgeousness. He scrambled to say something appropriate, to let her know that he thought she looked exquisitely perfect and what did he manage?</p>
<p>‘Bishop you look lovely’</p>
<p><em>Lovely?</em> Jesus Christ how lame was that!  </p>
<p>Luckily, he was rescued from his complete brain-freeze by little Nicole’s grilling of her mom over ‘dating’ and seeing Ellie so flustered took the heat off himself a little. Her rosy blush only emphasized her luminousness.  He was flustered too, just better at hiding it, he hoped!</p>
<p>Ellie was only gone an hour maybe; the movie was over, and Nicole was happily chomping on her bowl of cereal supper when the questions started.</p>
<p>Did he have brothers and sisters?</p>
<p>Did he live with his mommy and daddy?</p>
<p>Were they divorced like her mom and dad?</p>
<p>Did he like purple or pink best?</p>
<p>She kept up the chattering as she brushed her teeth and then in her room as she introduced him to every one of her teddys and dollies before she finally crawled under the covers.</p>
<p>‘Will you read me a story like mommy does?’ she yawned, already putting a book about fairies into his hands.</p>
<p>‘Sure’ he smiled agreeing easily as he really didn’t have a choice.</p>
<p>‘Daddy doesn’t have a lot of time, but momma always has time. That’s my daddy, see?’ she pointed to a pink glitter photo-frame beside her bed of Ellie and Jake together cuddling a younger Nicole, all three of them in winter woollies. They looked happy, like a proper family and instinctively his gut twisted enviously. Right beside that photo was another, this time of Ellie breastfeeding a newborn Nicole, her adoration for her baby glowing out of the frame. Impulsively he touched the picture, the image showing Ellie as she was back then, reminding him vividly of that night.</p>
<p>‘Daddy put a baby in Jenna’s belly’ she informed him blithely noticing his interest in that particular photo.</p>
<p>‘Jenna?’</p>
<p>‘I think she’s his <em>secret</em> special friend. I hope I get a little brother’.</p>
<p>‘Oh, um…that’s-,’ he stammered uncomfortably before her choice of words hit him. ‘Nicole, does your mom know about Jenna?’</p>
<p>The kid just shrugged uncertainly and barrelled on with her previous stream of thought. ‘You're momma’s special friend, so you could put a baby in mommy’s belly Nick, and then I could have a sister too!’ she suggested enthusiastically.</p>
<p>
  <em>Whoa!</em>
</p>
<p>‘I’m not sure-, um, hmm?’ he choked out, shaking his head utterly tongue-tied. He was completely thrown and had<em> no</em> idea what to say.</p>
<p>‘Maybe you could give her the baby for her birthday? That’s coming soon, just after mine’ she yawned snuggling down into the pillow.</p>
<p>How the fuck was he supposed to respond to <em>that</em>! He had to say something, she was still babbling and he suddenly homed in on where she was at, and sweat started to gather on his brow.</p>
<p>‘…and then you’d be my <em>other</em> daddy. My friend Bella in school has two daddies. Her <em>new</em> daddy lives with them now. You could share mommy’s room!’.</p>
<p>Nicole was staring at him all wide-eyed and excited with her naïve, but if he was honest, very appealing, idea. He knew he <em>had</em> to nip her flight of childish fancy in the bud but how could he do that appropriately and without upsetting the child in terms a five-year-old could understand?</p>
<p>A minefield when kids were still a mystery to him.</p>
<p>But the couple of days spent in this little girl’s company and knowing her mother told him he needed to be as honest as he could, fobbing her off wasn’t an option. Nicole was a bright kid, she’d see through a lie straight off the bat.</p>
<p>‘Nicole, sometimes special friendships can grow and change into something new and they have babies, <em>but</em> do you understand that some people will <em>always</em> stay just special friends?’</p>
<p>‘So, I just need to <em>wait</em> for you and momma to change into something new?’ she rationalised, effectively hoisting him on his own petard.</p>
<p>
  <em>Shit!</em>
</p>
<p>He was really making this way worse; Ellie would skin him alive!</p>
<p>He tried a different tack.</p>
<p>‘Well, sometimes special friends fall in love and that changes their friendship into something new. Your mom and me, we work together, and we are <em>best</em> friends but-,’</p>
<p>‘But you don't…’ her eyes welled up a little, ‘…you don't love my momma?’</p>
<p>Not really knowing what to say to that and seeing her so close to tears broke his heart. He ran his hand over the little girl's head, ‘Of course I love your mom, Nicole’.</p>
<p>The words were out of his mouth before his brain processed the potential fallout of his admission. He cleared his throat anxiously, ‘…but these are complicated grown-up conversations. Do you understand?’</p>
<p>‘Ok, Nick, I’m glad you love my momma, she’s really nice’ she hummed suddenly completely placated which made him even more nervous.</p>
<p>‘Yeah, she is Chiquita, night night.’</p>
<p>
  <em>Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘B, we need to talk, about Nicole. Maybe you should um, sit down?’</p>
<p>‘Why what’s happened?’ she asked suddenly alert, her grip tightening on the coffee jug she was about to pour.</p>
<p>Ellie had told him that first night that she had a superpower when it came to drinking and casting a quick appraising glance over her, she’d proved her point.</p>
<p>Sober.</p>
<p>Fuck! So he couldn’t use that excuse either to delay or defer. He chewed it over and figured it was easier to say it in a single go.</p>
<p>‘Ellie, um, Nicole told me some stuff tonight and…look, do you know Jenna?’</p>
<p>‘<em>Jenna</em>? No, who’s Jenna?’</p>
<p>‘Nicole told me that her ‘daddy put a baby in Jenna’s belly’’ he quoted gingerly.</p>
<p>Silence.</p>
<p>‘So um, she’s pregnant’ he clarified needlessly. Ellie shook herself incredulously before launching a deluge of high-pitched, shrill questions.</p>
<p>‘She’s-, wait <em>what</em>?! That’s not poss-, <em>who</em>?’ </p>
<p>Ok, so she definitely <em>didn’t</em> know, fuck!</p>
<p>He held his hands up defensively as her startled eyes flashed dangerously. ‘I don’t know any more details, she just said that Jenna’s her dad’s ‘secret special friend’. Nicole seemed a little confused…about birds and bees stuff, about um, babies’ he added cautiously.</p>
<p>‘You didn’t tell her-?’ she demanded visibly shocked, but he could tell she was still trying to get her head around the first bombshell.</p>
<p>‘<em>No</em>! of course not, but she thinks that because <em>we’re</em> special friends…’ he flicked his finger between them, and her eyebrows lifted to her hairline as it dawned on her.</p>
<p>‘She thinks <em>I’m</em> pregnant?’ she quailed, reflexively rubbing her abdomen with her hand then slapping it over her mouth.</p>
<p>‘Not exactly,’ he coughed awkwardly, shuffling his feet ‘but she <em>wants</em>…’</p>
<p>He risked a one-eyed wince to see how she took that nugget. Her colour drained even further, her lips trying and failing to form words, and he strived to reassure her. ‘I think we’re off the hook though, I just explained-,’</p>
<p>‘Stop!’ she sucked in her breath. ‘You shouldn’t have said <em>anything</em> without talking to me!’ she barked furiously as she started pacing agitatedly wearing a track around her small kitchen. Venomous hissing epithets spilt from her mouth, about one in five he got, the Spanish ones obviously.</p>
<p>Christ, she had a vast and colourful repertoire!</p>
<p>He winced knowing his abuela would’ve scrubbed his mouth out with carbolic soap for even <em>thinking</em> some of them!</p>
<p>‘I’m sorry-I thought-,’ he faltered struggling to find the words to exonerate himself, but she wasn’t even listening.</p>
<p>‘I’ll kill him, that <em>bastard</em>, how could he!’ she spat through gritted teeth, finally back to English. ‘Typical Jake, run his mouth and leave me to mop up the consequences. How could he tell her something like <em>that</em> without talking it over with me first? Who the fuck is<em> Jenna</em>?’</p>
<p>The ferocious muttering continued, but he heaved a sigh of relief it was aimed at Jake apparently and <em>not</em> at himself as he first supposed. He wasn’t even sure she was even aware of his presence anymore being so locked in her tirade. Eventually, though she ran out of steam and her whole frame just wilted.</p>
<p>‘I thought you should know but I’m so sorry I upset you’ he mumbled, hating himself for being the one to ruin her evening out.</p>
<p>‘I don’t care about <em>me,</em> Nick’ she growled scathingly, ‘I only care about my child! She’s been through enough; her home being split between here and Jake’s and used as a bargaining chip in court and now this! A new kid to push her further down his pecking order of importance! I can’t-’ her hands covered her face, but he still heard the hiccup of a suppressed sob.</p>
<p>His hand hovered over her shoulder, he wanted to touch her, to console her, to throw his arms around her but instead, he froze. She was so close he could almost taste the sweet vanilla fragrance of her shampoo. His breath caught as he tried not to dwell on his need for her.</p>
<p>He didn’t know the details of her marriage or the divorce but news like this of a new woman in his life had to hurt. A horrible thought hit him that maybe deep-down she still loved Jake? His fist curled irrationally at that gut-churning idea.</p>
<p>‘Let me get you a coffee B, and we can talk-,’</p>
<p>‘I think you’ve done enough, you should go’ she whispered icily from behind her palms.</p>
<p>‘What did I-?’ he scrambled, instantly knowing he’d fucked up somehow.</p>
<p>‘Thank you for babysitting tonight’ she muttered politely, wrapping her arms around herself and taking a step back away from him and heading towards the hall-door, ‘but this is a family matter and I need to be on my own right now.’</p>
<p>And just like that he was dismissed, drawbridge up.</p>
<p>On his way home and for the rest of the weekend he mulled over everything and naively thought it was all just her off-the-cuff gut reaction to the crass way her idiot ex had unveiled such delicate news.</p>
<p>But the rest of the week in work confirmed Ellie was still incandescent with rage going by her uncharacteristic short fuse, her heavy-handed hammering on her keyboard and her ruthless impatience with suspects. She looked tired and stressed and just sad and ordinarily he’d try to cajole her into better humour if it weren’t for the uncalled for razor-sharp snarky retorts and all the snorting, tutting, rolling her eyes she burned him with at every opportunity.</p>
<p>And in between, there was the silent, cold-shoulder treatment.</p>
<p>He wasn’t sure what was worse but he knew for sure, he’d had enough!</p>
<p>He’d fucked up, he knew that. He should’ve consulted with Bishop before even attempting to discuss heavy stuff to Nicole. And god only knew what edition of their conversation the kid had told her mom!</p>
<p>What the fuck had possessed him?!</p>
<p>He was <em>persona non grata</em>! Got it, message received!</p>
<p>Finally, Friday afternoon rolled around on the longest week of his life or so it seemed. Every time he looked over at her desk she was squinting at her screen, massaging her temples or tousling her hair irritably, her general pissed-off angry vibe had everyone avoiding her. Even Gibbs left her be, though he shot her a few warning looks when her grizzling disturbed him.</p>
<p>The last straw came when she viciously slammed her pile of files down on her desk.</p>
<p>‘<em>Bishop</em>! Time out, go home!’ Gibbs finally barked, testily throwing down his pen. She grabbed her coat and bag leaving without a backwards glance at him, or anyone else but he felt it as a nail in the coffin of whatever ‘thing’ they’d been starting or restarting or whatever.</p>
<p>An hour or so later he sullenly he walked out to his bike parked in the outdoor Navy Yard lot. No real plan in mind he distractedly pulled out his phone and flicked through the numbers.</p>
<p>Kayla, Lexie, Nadine… yeah, Nadine. She was exactly what he needed.</p>
<p>A fun, feel-good fuck. No strings attached, no thinking required.</p>
<p>He tapped out a quick flirty text and got one back only a few minutes later.</p>
<p>Game on!</p>
<p>Home, shower and back out again to a Cuban bar, perfect for tequila-fuelled bump and grind on the dance-floor before taking things home.</p>
<p>By his second beer, Nadine was already rubbing her stiletto heel against his calf as they sat cheek-by-jowl on barstools in the packed club. He knew it wouldn’t take much to convince her to skip the preliminaries and get straight to the main event. It had been a long while since they’d hooked up but the coquettish way she sucked the decorative cherry from her drink said she was up for it.</p>
<p>When she offered him a shared taste of the slice of lime she held between her teeth, his come-on the first time they’d gotten together, he leaned in to play along.</p>
<p>He just wanted to get to it, eager to sweat out the ball of frustration within him. He felt rigged to explode if he didn’t do something, anything!</p>
<p>Her hands slipped up his thighs, thumbs kneading his nuts through his jeans and he swallowed down his unease and palmed her ass half-heartedly. When his phone rang he was almost relieved.</p>
<p>Seeing the name flash up he flinched and halted Nadine’s full-frontal assault.</p>
<p>‘Work, I have to take it’</p>
<p>She grumbled peevishly as he answered the call, her hands he noted, still circling their mark.</p>
<p>‘Bishop, this better be a case’ he growled flatly, a full week of her foul temper was enough.</p>
<p>‘Nick?’ the familiar childish voice trembled and instantly his hackles went up. He pushed Nadine’s hands away unceremoniously and began shouldering his way through the crowds to the outdoor area.</p>
<p>‘Nicole? What are you doing up so late? Where’s your mom?’</p>
<p>‘She won’t wake up and there’s blood. I’m scared’ she whined through hiccupy sniffles and he swallowed down nausea that churned up from his stomach.</p>
<p>‘<em>Where</em>, honey? Where are you?’ he tried to keep his voice even, to keep his panic under wraps but his heart jackhammered in his chest as he upped his pace, riffling through his pockets for his keys.</p>
<p>‘At home, mommy’s in the bath. I think she’s… dead!’ she started wailing and he all out sprinted to his bike.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Blood runs cold</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>‘Keep talking Nicole, don’t hang up’ he urged the child as connected his phone to his helmet Bluetooth handsfree and kicked off, revving the bike to max speed. ‘I’m on my way, less than five minutes, ok?’</p><p>‘Ok’ she sobbed broken-heartedly.</p><p>‘What happened? Do you know what happened?’ he probed urgently. The bike was fast but not fast enough to allay his fears.</p><p>He needed to get there like <em>now!</em></p><p>‘I heard a loud bang and I found mommy asleep in the bath, but I don’t think she’s asleep Nick because she-won’t-wake-up!’ she wailed, stuttering over her words.</p><p>Every horrible scenario flashed through his head; Gun? Home invasion?</p><p>Did Ellie…? No, no, no!</p><p>‘Is there water in the tub, honey? Is her head underwater?’</p><p>If it was, he was already too late.</p><p>‘No, but the shower is on’ and sucking in his breath he offered a silent thanks to the angels for that small mercy.</p><p>‘What else can you see?’</p><p>‘There’s blood in her hair and in the bath’ she explained before starting crying again.</p><p>‘I know it’s scary Nicole and you've been so brave already, but can you do something for me? Can you put your hand on your mom’s chest and tell me can you feel her breathing, like going in and out?’</p><p>With a noisy clatter down the internal speakers, he realised that of course, the child dropped the phone down somewhere and ran back to her mom so now he could barely hear whatever she was saying over the roar of his bike engine.</p><p>‘Nicole? Nicole! Come back to the phone, cariño!’ he held his breath until his lungs ached, frantically waiting for an update, the wheels of the bike screeching on the tarmac as he rounded the corner of her block.</p><p>‘She’s not dead Nick!’ Nicole suddenly shouted down the phone elatedly, ‘Mommy’s eyes blinked once and she did in and out just like you said!’</p><p>‘Great job honey!’ he called back to her, barely parking up before running for the building door and bolting up the stairs. Trying to keep his agitation contained he resisted kicking down the door and went for staccato knocking instead.</p><p>‘I’m here now, Nicole. Can you open the door?’</p><p>‘Nick!’ she shrieked and she dropped the phone again.</p><p>‘Nicole, listen to me' he spoke loudly through the wood, 'is the door locked? Like with the bolt and the bar?’</p><p>He didn’t fancy trying to ram his way through Bishop’s formidable door security, but he would if he had too.</p><p>He could see her feet shadow under the door, ‘Yeah, but mom showed me how to open it but only for emergencies, like a fire or-,’ she deliberated, and he rolled his eyes at her innocence.</p><p>‘This is an emergency honey, open the door for me, ok?’</p><p>‘Um, I need to get a chair for the high up chain.’</p><p>Seething with breathless impatience he listened to the squeal of a kitchen chair being dragged on the wooden floor, bracing himself on the doorframe until he heard each lock click.</p><p>‘Ok, now turn the doorknob Nicole to let me in’</p><p>‘Nick, password first!’ she demanded stubbornly and for a brief moment, he wondered how the hell Bishop had drummed their ingenious safety system into her kid so well!</p><p>‘Enchiladas Nicole, enchiladas!’ he puffed out desperately.</p><p>As soon as the door opened, she hurled herself at him, locking her arms in a chimpanzee-like death grip around his thigh and he could feel her whole body heaving in panicked sobs. He gently disentangled her to swing her up into a quick hug and ran his hand over her tear-streaked and snotty face.</p><p>‘It’s ok, I’m here now’ he soothed her, kissing her on the forehead head before plopping her on the sofa and tucking the throw around her.</p><p>‘Stay there, sweetie while I help mommy, ok?’</p><p>He rushed to the bathroom sucking in his breath as he took in the scene; Ellie's crumpled naked body in the tub, blood smeared down the white surround tiles and more crimson-stained rivulets running off her hair, sluicing away to the plughole with the swirling shower water.</p><p>And she looked still, lifeless and deathly pale.</p><p>Falling to his knees beside the bath his fingers trembled as he checked her carotid pulse. Her eyelashes flickering with his touch and again he offered fervent thanks to heaven.</p><p>Straight off the bat, he rejected any notion of foul play. He’d put money on it being a simple slip by the way she’d partially ripped down the curtain probably in an effort to halt her fall. He turned off the shower water blessedly still flowing lukewarm and grabbed a large towel covering her up. Carefully running his fingers over her scalp, he discovered the blood was coming from the back of her head, not as much as he’d initially feared but the shower spray had made it look way worse, splashing the tiles and tub sides with stark red droplets.</p><p>‘<em>Bishop?</em> Ellie, open your eyes!’ he begged urgently, concentrating on slowing his breathing, trying to get more air into his aching lungs.</p><p>He tapped her cheek gently and her eyes blinked into a fleeting, wincing alertness before she drifted off again with a groan.</p><p>‘Ellie, you can ball me out me later, but I need to check you out, ok?’ He ran his shaking hands over her body looking for any protruding bones or other injuries but found nothing obvious. Her skin was chilled and shivery, and he knew he had to get her out of the cold enamel bath and dried off but he was still of two minds about calling paramedics first.</p><p>Another groan and some incoherent words told him she was starting to come to.</p><p>‘Ellie?’ he carefully combed back the wet strands of hair from her face.</p><p>‘Nick?’ she moaned groggily, blinking and scrunching up one eye, ‘what-, where?’ she mumbled disorientated before she abruptly attempted to sit up and her head fell back with a thunk, ‘ow, ow, ow!’</p><p>‘Whoa! Let me help!’</p><p>He frowned as she flopped deliriously against the bath again leaving more bloody smears. She seemed to be running on autopilot rather than with any lucid coherence, and now he really worried about her head injury. Knowing she wouldn’t quit until she was sitting and could possibly hurt herself more in the attempt, he propped her forwards, her soaking wet head lolled against his shoulder and managed to fling another towel across her back.</p><p>‘...smell lovely… always so nice…’ she hummed drowsily, nuzzling up closer to his neck and sending his pulse skyrocketing.</p><p>Fuck!</p><p>‘Bishop, wake up, you have to stay awake now!’</p><p>He held on to her a firm grip, fully expecting her to sag limply back again. Adjusting her head, his thumb brushing her cheek, he checked her again and saw her eyes though open were glazed and unfocused.</p><p>‘Nick?’ she asked hesitantly, ‘where…?’</p><p>‘Ellie, you're at home. I think you slipped and banged your head’ he informed her gently relieved as she seemed to grasp that information.</p><p>‘How did you…?’</p><p>‘Nicole called me from your phone-,’</p><p>‘<em>Nicole</em>?!’ she jerked upright, suddenly alert, ‘Is she ok?’</p><p>‘She’s fine, a little upset because of the blood-,’</p><p>‘Blood? What…? <em>Ooh!</em>’ her eyes focused on the side of the bathtub and automatically she reached up.</p><p>‘Here, let me take a look’. He carefully separated her congealed, blood-soaked hair at the back of her skull and saw a gash at least an inch long.</p><p>‘Yeah, that’s going to need stitches’ he winced grabbing a fresh facecloth and holding it to the wound to stem the oozing flow of blood.</p><p>He could tell the exact moment Ellie figured out she was naked and that he’d obviously seen her that way. Her eyes roamed over her current predicament; a gasp escaped her as the realisation hit her with a jolt. She couldn’t look more mortified if she tried and she literally squirmed with embarrassment. As she went to pull the towels discreetly across her chest, she let out a howl of pain.</p><p>‘<em>Son of a-!</em>’ she hissed, bracing her wrist against herself before foolishly trying to wiggle her fingers, ‘Fuck- <em>ow</em>!’</p><p>‘Ok, hospital!’ he declared flatly. </p><p>‘<em>What</em>? No, I don’t want-,’</p><p>‘I don’t care what you want, you're going B’ he told her resolutely. ‘You were out cold for at least twenty minutes, probably more, you’re bleeding and maybe even have a broken arm’. He crossed his arms adamantly and levelled her with a flinty glare. ‘You're going!’.</p><p>‘What about Coco? I can’t just-,’</p><p>‘She’ll come with us and I’ll take care of her’ he reassured her, before remembering the child was still waiting on the sofa most likely terrified. ‘Nicole! It’s all ok now.’</p><p>He saw a shadow hovering at the bathroom door and they both heard the sniffle.</p><p>‘Mommy’s fine sweetie come on in, I just had a silly accident’ Ellie smiled encouragingly, waving her in with her good hand.</p><p>She shuffled in, chewing on her fingers apprehensively, ‘Is it my fault?’  </p><p>‘Noo, of course not! Why would you think that?’ she crooned whilst circling her palm on the child’s back to soothe her hiccupping.</p><p>‘I washed my Barbies and used up all my sparkly bubble-gum shampoo, maybe that made it all slippy?’</p><p>‘It was just an accident, Coco, ok?’.</p><p>She nodded but was clearly not convinced.</p><p>‘Nicole, I’m going to help your mom out of the bath then get her dressed for a trip to see the doctor. Can you help me by getting her favourite cosy PJs, some socks and her sneakers?’</p><p>‘Nick, I can-,’ Ellie started to complain and twist herself to get up.</p><p>‘No, you can’t!’ He didn’t mean to snap but he really hadn’t gotten to grips with his panic yet. ‘You need help, and I’m here, so let me help’.</p><p>She gave the barest of nods and even that movement caused her to grimace, her eyes squinting either in pain or dizziness.</p><p>Decision made!</p><p>‘I’m going to straight-lift you out, so hold that cloth to your head with your good hand and just relax. I won’t drop you’ he promised faithfully.</p><p>‘I know’.</p><p>It was awkward, the lift involved putting his hands in places that caused her to blush and himself to break out in a sweat not entirely caused by the physical effort of the manoeuvre. The towels that covered what needed covering in the bath were …<em>inadequate</em> now, but he blanked out any random inappropriate thoughts about their skin-to-skin contact.</p><p>He was not a dick but he had one and it was currently dancing the mambo in his pants despite his best efforts to make it quit.</p><p>Once standing up with her secure in his arms, he carried her bride-style to the bedroom.</p><p>‘Nick, I can probably stand up and walk’ but his response to that was halted by peals of childish laughter.</p><p>‘Mommy, I can see your butt!’ Nicole giggled uncontrollably from behind her hand and a completely mortified Ellie rolled her eyes seeking divine rescue. In a tight-lipped effort to suppress a smile he knew would only humiliate her further, he placed her carefully sitting up on the edge of her bed.</p><p>‘I got all your things, momma’ she chirped proudly placing the heap of items onto her mom’s lap, jostling the injured wrist in the process but Ellie just bit down through the pain so as not to upset Nicole. ‘I picked out your fancy ninnies too!’ she gushed, pulling out a lacy jade-green thong from the pile and how Ellie held it together after that he had no idea!</p><p>‘Thank you honey, you’ve been the best girl!’ A delighted Nicole scrambled onto the bed and sat cross-legged watching everything.</p><p>The next ten minutes almost killed him. She must have been in more pain than she was letting on because without complaint she let him help her pull on her grey sweatpants and negotiate her arm through her hoodie top, probably not the most practical garment but it was oversized and loose enough that it wasn’t too much of a struggle.</p><p>He was on his knees lacing up her runners and glanced up to see how she was doing.</p><p>Pale and with a sheen of sweat on her brow but also embarrassed, mortified even, so much so her eyes wouldn’t meet his.</p><p>‘B, no biggie I didn’t see anything-,’</p><p>‘What, that you haven’t seen <em>before</em>?’ she snorted wryly.</p><p>The air stuck in his lungs. It was the first time she had ever explicitly mentioned anything about that night and his jaw fell open, whatever witty comeback he’d planned died on his lips.</p><p>His gaze dropped to her flushed, blotchy throat now repeatedly swallowing as she realised her admission. He looked away giving her a moment to regroup.</p><p>And that’s when he recognised it.</p><p>The hoodie, <em>his</em> retro Miami Dolphins hoodie, the one he’d borrowed her, that night in the rain. Lucia had bought him it for his eighteenth birthday. Dumbfounded, his fingers brushed the familiar faded applique emblem on the upper chest.</p><p>She still had it six years on and what’s more, Nicole had got it out because it was her <em>favourite</em>. His brain stalled on the significance of that.</p><p>She was nibbling on her bottom lip again, her familiar anxiety tell. Her eyes twitched and tightened as emotions raced through her head; uncertainty and doubt gave way to reluctant sheepishness at being caught out.</p><p>‘Nick!’ Nicole tutted theatrically interrupting their moment ‘Your phone’s buzzing, <em>again</em>!’, she yawned the words drowsily around her thumb. She was slumped against her mom now, obviously exhausted after her traumatic fright, and it was late, way past her bedtime.</p><p>He vaguely remembered it vibrating a couple of times after he arrived. Pulling out his phone to check the time, he saw five missed calls and an expletive-ridden text.</p><p>
  <em>Fuck! Nadine! </em>
</p><p>He’d raced out of the bar without a second thought and didn’t regret it for a second.</p><p>‘It’s ok, not important’ he shrugged repocketing it before turning back to what was. ‘Nicole, can you put your coat on? We’ve to bring your mom to the hospital’</p><p>Once Nicole scampered off he perched himself on the edge of the mattress and gently pried the bloodstained towel away from the back of Ellie’s head, wincing sympathetically in response to her hisses. ‘The bleeding’s eased up but it’s still nasty. I’ll um, have to drive us in your car, I got here on my bike’.</p><p>As she hummed an ok, while he carried on chitchatting hoping to lift the fraught vibe. ‘Luckily, I was nearby when Nicole called, just in a bar off Dupont actually …’</p><p>Shit.</p><p>Her head tilted as she scanned over his outfit, noting his tailored charcoal shirt and dressier than usual jeans and of course, put two and two together.</p><p>‘You were out…on a date’. It was more of a statement than a question, but he saw the flicker of hurt before she disguised it and it was like a knife in his gut.</p><p>‘I-, it wasn’t-, it doesn’t matter-,’</p><p>‘I’m sorry we disrupted your evening’ she retorted stiffly before plastering a neutral expression on her face and shifting her tone. ‘You should call her back, the night is young, you could still pick up where you left off. I’ll get a taxi to the hospital...,’</p><p>‘<em>No</em>!’ he blurted, ‘I mean, I’m here, I’m bringing you’ he muttered doggedly but his insistence only riled her.</p><p>‘Nick, I’m <em>well</em> able to manage-,’ she snapped angrily, shuffling herself further away from him.</p><p><em>Fuck!</em> He had to make sure she was ok, safe, so he’d weather her wrath.</p><p>‘And who’ll look after Nicole?’</p><p>It was a low blow, but it worked. Her head dropped in defeat and he felt like shit that he’d used the child to manipulate her into agreeing…because <em>he</em> couldn’t let her out of his sight until he knew for sure she was ok. His blind panic, the crushing fear of earlier had still not dissipated.</p><p>‘Do you want to try walking or I can carry you to the car?’ he asked cautiously, fully expecting annihilation.</p><p>‘I’ll walk’ she answered crisply, and he mentally balled himself out for fucking things up yet again.</p><p>She refused his offered hand and instead she stubbornly pushed through her dizziness and discomfort levering herself up one-handedly until she was standing Bambi-legged at the side of the bed. Swaying slightly, she reflexively grabbed his shoulder using it to steady herself for a moment while his own hand shot out and caught her at her hip propping her upright.</p><p>‘Ok?’ his other arm was braced in front of her, ready to catch her if she tumbled.</p><p>‘Yeah, a little woozy’ she gulped her skin turning an unhealthy shade of green, ‘but I’m good’ she clearly lied.</p><p>‘I going to, um...’, he wrapped his arm around her waist to support her and through the hoodie he could feel her trembling.</p><p>‘Cold?’ But she just shook her head, maybe she was closer to vomiting than he thought? Nicole was standing by the door, coat on, Cornelius the unicorn wedged under her arm. Grabbing the keys and Nicole’s hand he steered everyone to Bishop’s car.</p><p>Nicole was asleep in her car-seat by the time they made the hospital and he distractedly wandered around the family room with her conked-out on his shoulder, thumb stuck in her mouth, her little nose snuggled into his neck waiting for news. Ellie had insisted on getting treated alone, so as not to upset Nicole she said but he was quite sure it was just her way of affirming her stubborn-ass independence.</p><p>Jesus, she pushed his buttons!</p><p>Smoothing down the little girl’s strawberry-scented hair, humming long-forgotten melodies as he paced the bland beige room actually calmed him though and somehow, he lost track of time.</p><p>‘Nick?’ Ellie called softly from the doorway rousing him out of his daydream, how long she’d been watching him he had no idea.</p><p>And he froze, gobsmacked.</p><p>Standing there in his hoodie, grey sweats and trainers, her flaxen hair still damp and dishevelled, he was transported back in time to the moment she’d stepped out of that coffee-shop restroom, the same blushing, nervous smile illuminating her flawless beautiful face.</p><p>He was hooked back then, the passage of time had changed nothing, it’d only made the longing worse.</p><p>‘You’re ok’ he sighed in relief, relaxing his taut muscles. ‘What did they say?’ he continued once he had gathered himself and cleared his throat.</p><p>‘They glued the scalp laceration and’ she pointed to the sling, ‘hairline radius fracture, cast for two weeks then hopefully just a splint until its fully healed. At least it’s my left hand, huh? They said to take a week but I’ll be back in work on Monday…’ she meandered evasively.</p><p>‘What <em>else</em> did they say?’ he asked pointedly knowing there was more. ‘<em>Ellie?</em>’ he all but growled.</p><p>‘Ok! Ok!’ she groused, ‘and a concussion’ she muttered grudgingly. ‘So, we’ll stay at Gibbs’ for the weekend, I just called him, he’ll be here soon to pick us up, so you can go- <em>Nick!</em>’</p><p>He’d already pulled out his phone and was dialling despite her furious protestations.</p><p>‘Gibbs, I’m with Bishop now. I’ll drive her car home and stay for her concussion detail’.</p><p>‘She ok?’</p><p>‘Yeah, she’s spitting angry that I called you, so you know, no change!’ he smirked dryly, and she tutted back in vexed exasperation.</p><p>Gibbs chuckled, ‘shout if you need anything’. Ever economical with words their boss hung up.</p><p>‘Nick, I can’t ask you-,’</p><p>‘You didn’t ask, B, I offered’ he replied softly. Lifting her head slightly, she happened to catch his eyes which were already fixed on hers.</p><p>Ellie’s hand touched her hair, and a hint of a blush crept up her pallid face as she tried to comb her locks back into place. ‘I must look a mess.’</p><p>‘No, you look…’ he started, but it took him a second or two to finish his sentence because all the words that came to his mind were not something he was ready to express just yet. ‘Exhausted, that’s for sure. Let’s get you both home.’</p><p>He drove them home slowly, not wanting to jostle Ellie or wake Nicole. She seemed subdued, staring out the side-window absently.</p><p>‘Nick?’</p><p>‘Hmm?’</p><p>‘Sorry for being horrible to you last weekend and biting your head off...After you told me what Coco said I flipped out a little I guess, case of shoot the messenger’</p><p>‘It’s ok. And you were completely right, I shouldn’t have waded in talking to Nicole like that.’</p><p>A couple more silent minutes passed, and he heard her sigh.</p><p>‘And sorry for being a bitch at work all week too…I had a shitty couple of days and a lot on my mind but it’s no excuse, I shouldn’t have taken it out on you.’</p><p>‘Anything you want to talk about?’ he probed lightly.</p><p>‘Yeah, maybe, but not tonight’ she smiled gratefully at him. ‘Will she forgive you?’</p><p>‘Who?’</p><p>‘Your date, for running out on her?’</p><p>‘I’ll call and apologise but it was just a casual date, B nothing serious’,</p><p>She shrugged and went back to staring out the window. He stole a sideways glance at her, puzzled at her reticence.</p><p>‘It bothers you, that I was out with someone?’</p><p>Now why in the seven levels of Hell had he asked that?!</p><p>‘I don’t care who you date Nick, just like you don’t care-,’</p><p>‘Do you date, B?’</p><p>‘No, I don’t’ her mouth snapped shut like a clam and he cursed himself for asking but then unexpectedly she continued quietly. ‘I have Coco, I can’t bring random guys home or start a relationship that might not work out. Me splitting up with her dad was-, <em>is</em> awful for her. Her needs always come first.’</p><p>‘And what about your needs?’ his suddenly dry throat added gravel to his voice.</p><p>‘Coco comes first’.</p><p>And the drawbridge slammed shut.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Out in the open</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She woke up to a skull-splitting headache, a dull, throbbing ache in her swollen wrist and an urgent need to find and devour the source of the tantalising waft of fried bacon. She was in her own bed, still dressed in her favourite loungewear though her shoes and socks were off.</p><p>She had no recollection of how she got there.</p><p>She trudged through the gaping void, but only snapshot flashes of the night before came to her.</p><p>She clearly remembered being mortified that Nick of all people had rescued her from her naked bathtub backflip. She could picture him exactly, his panicked face, his trembling blood-stained fingers grabbing a cloth, his high-handed insistence that <em>he </em>brought her to hospital.</p><p>That infuriated her. <em>Why?</em></p><p>But then later she saw him in the waiting room with Coco fast asleep, floppy as a ragdoll, cradled safely on his shoulder. She watched furtively, not wanting to disturb. He unconsciously combed back the little girl’s frazzled hair, and delicately wiped her runny nose with a tissue without interrupting his meandering circuit of the room, all the while humming a song she didn’t recognise.</p><p>It was an image that stuck in her head and warmed her heart.</p><p>She had fragmented memories of being woken by stabbing bright lights shone straight into her eyes, and Nick’s comforting voice in the darkness. He kept asking the same stupid questions, of course she knew the date, her phone number and the combination to his locker…she had a photographic memory for god’s sake, a ten-digit code was hardly challenging. She distinctly remembered him laughing about that and promising he would change it on Monday.</p><p>She’d fallen into deep contented sleep; Nick was there, she wasn’t alone, everything was ok…</p><p>So why was she mad with him?</p><p>She tried again to sift through the pieces of the night before but was interrupted by upbeat Latino music and Coco’s delighted laughter drifting down the hallway. Her stomach rolled as she hauled herself to sit up, but she put it down to hunger pangs, definitely not a concussion, complete over-exaggeration!</p><p>Nick was such a Nervous Nelly!</p><p><em>Shit</em>, had she said that to him out loud?</p><p>She adjusted her sling, taking in how puffy her fingers poking out of the cast were. <em>Great!</em> How was she going to manage showering, dressing, cooking, Coco! She looked over to the mirror and saw her dishevelled reflection and…</p><p> <em>Oh god! </em>She was wearing <em>his</em> hoodie!</p><p>The realisation triggered a tsunami of memories and as each one slotted into order her on her freshly recalled timeline, her emotions swung from cringing embarrassment to gratitude then lurched to confusing irritation. She replayed everything in her mind, over and over and then it hit her.</p><p>
  <em>He was on a date!</em>
</p><p>She knew he dated, he wasn’t a monk, right?</p><p>When he started on the team, he was all suggestive swagger, with tall tales of mystery ladies and all night horizontal salsa.</p><p>But that was back then…and recently she thought maybe he…</p><p>Obviously not!</p><p>He was out on a date with another woman and that bothered her because...</p><p>She angrily shook her head to dispel her totally illogical irritation and was painfully reminded of her head injury.</p><p>Rolling her shoulders, she tried working out an uncomfortable twinge, maybe the sling with the added weight of the cast was digging into her neck?</p><p>Nick was just her partner now; she had no right to be miffed about what he did with his personal life. He was a good friend who, even though she’d damn-near bit his head off, had stayed over, checked on her and was now cooking something that smelled delicious whilst entertaining Coco. He took ‘having her back’ seriously, she knew that.</p><p>Jesus, what if, out of some ridiculous sense of duty, he offered to <em>stay</em> to help her?</p><p>As appealing in some ways as that thought was, one night of abject humiliation was enough, and she was quite sure he’d other places to be, with somebody else.</p><p>She picked up her phone, squinting her eyes as they struggled to refocus and texted.</p><p>
  <em>Rule 28: when you need help, ask for it!</em>
</p><p>Breathing a sigh of relief she snuggled back under the duvet for another snooze until she eventually woke up with an urgent need to pee.</p><p>‘<em>Mommy!</em> Go back, we’re making you a surprise!’</p><p>Shuffling out of the bathroom she was accosted by an excitable, up and dressed Coco, with hair neatly styled in a series of ponytails each with a different coloured elastic band.</p><p>‘Oh, that’s lovely but-,’</p><p>‘No momma, go back to bed!’ Coco ordered pointing imperiously, grabbing her hand and dragging back to her bedroom.  Humouring her she did as she was told and seconds later Nick arrived in carrying a tray laden with all her favourites.</p><p>‘Taadah! Breakfast in bed!’ Coco pirouetted delightedly, ‘I helped, I cracked the eggs and stirred everything and squirted the maple syrup on the pancakes…’</p><p>‘Amazing!’ she kissed her beaming daughter on the forehead. ‘Nick, you shouldn’t have gone to –,’</p><p>‘No trouble, we were up early, weren’t we Nicole?’</p><p>‘Yeah, we watched cartoons and I told Nick all about my birthday next Saturday and about going camping with daddy in a real tent to the jungle-’</p><p>‘I think it’s the woods, sweetie’ smiling at her indulgently. ‘What time was she up?’  she mouthed apologetically over Coco’s chatter.</p><p>‘About 630 ish’ he shrugged. He looked tired, his eyes sunk in dark shadows. She wondered had he slept at all.   ‘We did some pyjama yoga then had smoothies and pancakes for breakfast-,’</p><p>‘Did you have a shouty fight?’ Coco asked abruptly.</p><p>‘Who?’</p><p>‘You and Nick? Did he <em>have</em> to sleep on the sofa, like daddy?’</p><p>She sucked in a breath horrified at how much her and Jake’s warring had impacted Coco. ‘Oh no honey’ she gulped down her guilt, ‘Nick just um-,’ she stammered completely unprepared to deal with that doozy.</p><p>‘I wanted to watch TV’ he helped out effortlessly.  </p><p>She flashed him a grateful smile and took a forkful of egg, ‘what time is it now?’</p><p>‘Almost midday’</p><p>‘<em>What</em>? Crap! I’ve to organise your stuff for your stay with daddy, he’ll be here soon’ she flustered.</p><p>‘Eat first, then I’ll help sort out-,’</p><p>‘That’s ok, Nick, you head off!’</p><p>‘Actually, I was going to offer to help out here for a few days, you’ll need a <em>pair</em> of hands,’ he comically jazz-handed his own.</p><p>‘Thanks, but um, Kasie’s coming over, she’s going to stay for a while’</p><p>‘<em>Kasie?</em> But I’m happy to-,’</p><p>‘I know, and thanks Nick, for last night, for everything but we’ve already taken up half your weekend. I’m sure you’ve other stuff you’d rather be doing’</p><p>He shook his head and shrugged, ‘nothing urgent’.</p><p>‘Kasie can um, help with <em>personal</em> care…’</p><p>‘<em>Oh!</em> Right, of course, that’s completely-,’</p><p>‘And it gives us a chance to catch up on girl-talk…’ she babbled lamely, seeing his despondent expression.</p><p>‘Sure, well, I’ll stay until she gets here-,’</p><p>He was interrupted by a knock at the front door and a key turning in the lock.</p><p>‘Coming in people, Kasie Hines is in da house!!’ her fake crowd-cheer echoed down the hall and Coco went wild.</p><p>There was an awkward handover of patient information. Nick listed her injuries, doctor’s instructions, pain med regime and complications Kasie had to look out for. She nodded along barely concealing her smirk. And then he was gone.</p><p>‘He’s a bit <em>hovvery</em> isn’t he?’ Kasie noted, pursing her lips speculatively.</p><p>‘I don’t know what you mean?’ she shrugged before eventually squirming under Kasie’s unrelenting sceptical eyeballing.</p><p>‘Mmhm’</p><p> </p><p>It was a week since the fall and although she’d had the time off work to recoup, she was fit to explode. Kasie had arrived after work and sensing the mood immediately offered to take Coco to the park.</p><p>Ellie paced the kitchen like a caged tiger, her lips twitching, silently snapping and snarling on the inside. Over the internal fury and the commotion of Coco getting her coat on, she heard his voice.</p><p>‘Mommy said a bad word’ Coco informed him followed by Kasie whispering something else.</p><p>She definitely heard, ‘<em>you</em> talk to her!’.</p><p>Then Nick was standing at the breakfast bar, his relaxed pose belying his scrutinising gaze over her.</p><p>‘I brought over Nicole’s birthday gift. It’s a mermaid-tail blanket’ he nodded towards the sparkly pink giftbag ‘I thought she might like to have it before she goes camping’.</p><p>‘You’d think they’d make it easier to open the damn bottle if you’ve a broken arm!’ she spat ignoring what he’d just said, still bitching at the pill-tub she’d been battling with. Growling she flung them across the countertop.  </p><p>Nick caught them easily ‘Kid-proof Ellie’ he said mildly and gripped the bottle to open then.</p><p>She snatched them back and attempted to hold and twist the lid again.</p><p>‘I don’t need your help!’ she flared, and he backed off with his hands up.</p><p>‘Sorry-,’</p><p>‘God <em>damn</em> it!’ she seethed, hissing as pain shot through her fractured wrist.</p><p>Nick reached over and gently prised the bottle out of her limp grip. ‘You’re the most stubborn woman I know’ he chuckled softly.</p><p>‘And you know so many!’ she snapped back sarcastically, instantly regretting it.</p><p>‘Ok, are you going to tell me what’s up or are you just going to keep snarling at me?’</p><p>‘I’ve got a headache’ she muttered dejectedly.</p><p>‘Ok,’ he opened the lid and shook out two capsules into his palm offering them to her. She silently took them and knocked them back taking a gulp of water from her glass which almost smashed as she clinked it down.</p><p>Unable to keep it in anymore, she slapped her good hand over her mouth, but the guttural sobs erupted anyway.</p><p>‘<em>Whoa</em>! Fuck!’ he sprang forward and grabbed her shoulders to support her, ‘How bad is the headache, do we need to go back to the hospital?’</p><p>‘I don’t know how to tell her’ she managed to get out between tearful gasps.</p><p>‘What? Tell who what, B?’</p><p>‘Coco!’ she gulped, ‘Jake’s cancelled her camping trip. He took me to fucking court for birthday privileges, stopped me from taking her home to Oklahoma, or out of state without his permission. It’s her birthday <em>tomorrow</em>! We were only going to have a little tea-party tonight because Jake insisted on organising everything for tomorrow with his family. So now there’s no party for her and it’s too short-notice to organise anything with her school friends, or book a venue. None of my family can get here. This trip-, she’s so excited, counted down the days, and he- he- <em>cancelled</em> and it’s my fault!’</p><p>‘It’s what now?’</p><p>‘Last week, before my fall, I was in horrible humour because Jake and I had a fight about this Jenna person. And <em>this</em> is his revenge, he’s too busy with his new girlfriend and …how can I tell her?’</p><p>‘You don’t’ he said bluntly, his thumbs circling her shoulders to calm her.</p><p>‘Huh?’</p><p>‘She wants to go camping for her birthday then that’s what she gets’.</p><p>‘Nick’, pointing to her wrist, ‘I can’t lug gear and set up a tent, I don’t even <em>have</em> gear!’</p><p>‘I’m sure Gibbs has a tent, NCIS equipment stores has the rest and I’ll come too’.</p><p>‘Why would you do that?’ she muttered completely stunned at his immediate offer.</p><p>‘Because it’s her 6<sup>th</sup> birthday and that only happens once, and because you can’t punish yourself every time her dad is an asshole. It’s his loss, you're not to blame.’</p><p>True to his word, Nick arrived the next morning at 8 am and packed up her more practical truck with everything they needed. It seemed like a lot of stuff and she’d no idea where he’d got it all from. She was just relieved to see Coco was beside herself with excitement and not seeming to mind at all that it was them and not Jake taking her camping.</p><p>It was the perfect day.</p><p>They went to a managed State Forest campsite a couple of hours drive away and the Park Ranger allocated them a riverside pitch.  Once set up they had a full day of nature-trail exploring, dam building, frog-hunting and campfire cooking. After hotdogs and Nick’s special chilli and baked potatoes, they spent the darkening evening concocting magical creature adventure stories while Coco had way too many toasted S’mores and marshmallows. She feared the child would sugar-buzz all night, but Nick had planned ahead. While letting Coco choose her favourite tunes and he dug out a tube of glowstix snapping them into life and with little connectors they created illuminous necklaces, bracelets, multicoloured glasses and fun headbands for an impromptu disco in the dark.</p><p>She pulled her coat-zip up to her chin even though it wasn’t really cold. The campfire still blazed merrily and even with it crackling and occasional animal sounds, the night was quiet. Coco was finally asleep, having pulled an ‘all-nighter’ till 1030pm. Nick handed her another beer from the cooler and sat on the log beside her.</p><p>It was relaxing basking in the heat, watching the flames dance, being there with Nick. Conversation had come easily all day with Coco around but now it was just them and she was curious.</p><p>‘Why so adamant to go camping? Surely you have better things to be doing on a Saturday night?’ He was quiet for a few moments and she thought she had maybe asked the wrong thing.</p><p>‘When I was a kid, I was crazy about monkeys, loved them- pictures, stories, nature shows. All I wanted was to see a real one. That’s what I asked for my 5<sup>th</sup> birthday, so my mom and dad promised me a trip to the zoo. And I was so excited, I remember talking about it to anyone who would listen. A couple of days before my birthday my dad walked out, left, and mom was a mess. Me and my sister Lucia were sent to stay with my aunt Carmen. The zoo trip was forgotten about. When we came home mom was working all the time, money was tight, and I never asked to go again.’</p><p>Maybe it was being a mother or maybe it was because she could hear the palpable sadness in his voice but her heart broke for a little brown-eyed boy left disappointed on his special day. She just wanted to hug him, squeeze him tight even though that boy was a grown man now. She knew that hurt had lingered and was inextricably tied-up in the disappearance of his father from the family too.</p><p>‘Did you-, have you ever gone to the zoo since?’</p><p>‘The first time I went was about ten years ago with my niece, she was about Nicole’s age then’</p><p>‘We could bring Coco to the zoo sometime, if you want. She went before but she was much younger then, probably doesn’t even remember much’.</p><p>‘I’d like that’</p><p>Silence stretched out until out of nowhere he asked, ‘Do you still love him?’</p><p>‘Who?’</p><p>‘Your ex’</p><p><em>‘Jake</em>? God no!’ she exclaimed derisively and in the glow of the firelight, she saw Nick do a double-take at her vehemence. ‘We were already on the rocks when <em>we</em>…’</p><p>Glancing up at him tentatively she saw the flames reflected in his dark eyes, fixed on her. She couldn’t finish it, <em>when we spent the night together</em> because it was too hard to think about now, sitting beside him so many years later, still wanting…</p><p>She swallowed past the tightening in her throat before taking a slug of her beer. ‘He didn’t like my move to NCIS, but um, he was in an accident, touch and go for a long time. As his <em>wife,</em> I stepped up to care for him, and we started again, then Coco was born…’</p><p>‘So you stayed’ he nodded understandingly.</p><p>‘He’s always been a good dad, idolised Coco and she adores him’ she explained, unsure as to why she was defending Jake. ‘After I filed for divorce things got nasty. I thought that was just between us. But recently, I don’t know, he seems to be using Coco as a bargaining-chip…and now a new family!’ she puffed out her cheeks, blowing out a long sigh.</p><p>‘You seemed genuinely shocked by the news?’ he probed delicately.</p><p>‘Yeah! The doctors told us, with the burns he’d never be able to, you know’, she gestured at her lap awkwardly, ‘well, apparently they were wrong, huh!’ She gulped back the last dregs of her beer and stood up putting an end to the discussion before he came to some glaringly obvious awkward conclusions.</p><p>‘Right, time to brave the latrines!’ she grimaced, and he chuckled knowing she hated the spider-infested, log-built facilities.</p><p>On her return, as he traipsed through the woods to use them himself, she retreated into the somewhat compact tent and hastily stripped out of her coat and boots. She was cold now the fire had burned down and rejecting her PJs she instead kept on her leggings and all her base-layers, including her fleece, pulling on extra woolly socks.</p><p>Coco had decided the order of the sleeping bags earlier, though now she was tempted to slide her <em>Trolls</em> inflatable bed into the middle between them but knowing Coco slept like a starfish in a storm, she decided against it. While <em>she</em> was used to her daughter flopping around and random slaps in the face, she didn’t think it was fair to inflict that on him.</p><p>Eventually, Nick crawled into the tent and secured the door-flap. He’d the same idea as her, keeping on sweats and an open zip-hoodie revealing his tee-shirt underneath. He blithely stretched out on his roll-mat barely inside his sleeping-bag, oblivious to the cold.</p><p>Reaching under the pillow she’d insisted on bringing, they might be camping but she needed <em>some</em> comfort, she pulled out a woolly hat and awkwardly tried to pull it on one-handedly until Nick sat up and did it for her.</p><p>‘You cold?’</p><p>‘I’ll warm up in a minute’ she mumbled, snuggling into her duck-down max-tog sleeping bag.</p><p>
  <em>Suitable for extreme temperatures my ass!</em>
</p><p>‘Is Nicole warm enough?’ he asked peering over her shoulder towards the fast-asleep girl.</p><p>‘She’s <em>always</em> warm but to be safe, she’s inside a sleeping-bag, in the mermaid-tail you got her, wearing her unicorn onesie. I think she’s good’ she grinned. ‘Well, good night, sleep well!’</p><p>‘I um, won’t sleep but good night.’</p><p>‘Why? It’s a safe campsite, no bears’ she snickered.</p><p>‘I never sleep in unfamiliar surroundings. I don’t sleep much at all actually, old habits.’</p><p>There wasn’t much she could say to that, so she muttered another goodnight and rolled on her side.</p><p>The cold ground beneath her leeched away what little heat her sleeping-bag generated even with an insulated roll-mat under her. To keep her mind off the chill she mulled over the day as she tried to fall asleep.</p><p>‘You're shivering’ he interrupted her thoughts, his voice seemed loud in the silence.</p><p>‘A bit’ she agreed, unable to keep the tremble from her voice.</p><p>‘I can offer body heat, no strings attached, no ‘ideas’’ he chuckled, and she felt her heart judder before picking up a furious pace.</p><p>That was their joke <em>that </em>night.</p><p>The allusions, the veiled references to that night they spent together were becoming more frequent the more time they spent together. At some point one or other of them would bring it up, and there’d be no more hiding, forgetting or ignoring what happened…</p><p>‘Offer stands? I’ll even zip myself into my sleeping-bag to ensure no funny business’. Even though it was pitch-dark she just knew he was smirking.</p><p>She scoffed, about to refuse but whatever will-power she had instantly crumbled when he put his warm hand on her shoulder.</p><p>‘Holy crap, how are you so <em>hot</em>!’</p><p>‘Naturally gifted’ he replied before adding, ‘so you think I’m hot?’ he teased in his hammed-up seductive voice.</p><p>He chuckled exuberantly as she snorted in withering exasperation.</p><p>‘Fine, laugh it up, Torres! I give up, I need heat!’</p><p>‘Your wish is my command’ he declared gallantly spooning in behind her and dropping his arm around her waist.</p><p>‘Are you comfortable like that? I’m not hurting your arm or anything?’</p><p>As he spoke, she could feel his warm breath on her exposed neck and without meaning to she wriggled back into his chest, purring contentedly as heat rapidly seeped through the fabric of her sleeping bag and layers warming her to her core.</p><p>‘No, I’m good, thanks’ she squeaked, thankful the darkness hid her burning face.  </p><p>He was so close, and she was completely surrounded by him, but she felt perfectly relaxed, the warmth and the rhythmic ebb and flow of his breathing lulling her into slumber.</p><p>When she finally woke, she noticed a number of things simultaneously.</p><p>Firstly daylight, bright enough to be past dawn.</p><p>Secondly, her whole sleeping-bag cocooned body was wrapped in Nick’s embrace, her head was resting on his arm and her face was snuggled into his chest. There was a humming noise vibrating through her hat and it took a couple of seconds to realise Nick’s chin was wedged against her head and he was snoring peacefully. A flash and click startled her into jerking motion waking Nick with a start.</p><p>‘Coco!’ she blurted, sitting up in surprise.  The little girl was stood over them with her pink instant-camera in hand having snapped a photo.</p><p>‘That’s a nice one mommy, you were cuddling like koalas! See?’ She printed out another greyscale image. The tent was littered with them already, she’d been snapping everything since Ellie had given it to her as her birthday present the day before.</p><p>‘I’m going to look for koala filters, or maybe kittens’ she mumbled engrossed in searching through the digital option.</p><p>Ellie flopped back but landed on Nick.</p><p>‘Ooff!’</p><p>Her casted arm elbowed him in the nuts.</p><p>‘Sorry!’ she winced log-rolling off him, trying to extricate herself from the caterpillar-like coverings. Nick sat up and unzipped her and she noted that sometime during the night, she must’ve migrated onto his roll-mat as he was lying on the plastic tent floor.</p><p>‘Wow, it’s like 8am! I must have dropped off’ he mused in astonishment rubbing his face into full alertness. ‘Breakfast ladies?’</p><p>They were in no rush to pack up, so they had campfire omelettes before joining other families for guided nature-trail with a Park Ranger. By the time they got back home, having stopped for pizza on route, it was late and Coco was fast asleep. Nick carried the little girl into bed and though she was a grubby kid she was a happy one. Ellie's heart swelled.</p><p>Strolling into the kitchen she saw Nick stretching and rolling his muscles.</p><p>‘You ok?’</p><p>‘Yeah, stiff back. Next time we definitely bring an airbed’ he winced, kneading a knot in his shoulder. She blushed at the thought of a ‘next time’ and his <em>single</em> airbed. Slip of the tongue...perhaps?</p><p>‘Thank you, Nick, for coming to my rescue, <em>again</em>! We had a really fun time.’</p><p>Impulsively she kissed him on the cheek.</p><p>‘Me too’ he replied shyly before bobbing his head towards the door, ‘I um, better go, see you tomorrow.’</p><p> </p><p>Her head was all over the place the next morning at work. As warm and comfortable as her bed was, she hadn’t slept. All night she’d churned over everything, weighing up choices, decisions made then rejected, every option having a consequence that confused, conflicted or complicated her situation.</p><p>She was still on desk duties which also irritated her because she’d to trudge through mountains of documentation while the others got all the action. Nick and McGee were gone to pick up a suspect, the bullpen was empty, so she dropped the giftbag with the note on his desk.</p><p>It was the right thing to do.</p><p>It was his hoodie after all!</p><p>After a solitary lunchbreak she came back to find the paper bag back on her desk. There was a new note written in Nick’s slanting scrawl stuck inside.  </p><p>
  <em>‘It looks better on you x’ </em>
</p><p>Ok, this was getting… complicated!</p><p>Friday night couldn’t come fast enough. She was jittery and tetchy every time they were together at work. Relaxing at home with Coco, that’s what she needed. Things were getting easier, she’d a removable Velcro wrist-brace now so finally she could shower, and she’d perfected one-handed chores. Coco had gone to bed straight after her bath without protest and was fast asleep.</p><p>Lounging on her sofa, chilling with Netflix, a ‘miracle-working’ clay facemask and a glass of white.</p><p>Bliss.</p><p>And then her phone chimed.</p><p>‘Kasie?’</p><p>‘Oh you're up, fantastic!’ she gushed way too enthusiastically.</p><p>‘Kasie, it’s like not even 9!’  </p><p>‘Exactly, right? Um, we’re on our way over.’</p><p>‘<em>We</em> who?’</p><p>‘Um, me and Jimmy… bringing Torres’</p><p>‘Bringing?’</p><p>‘Explain when we get there!’ and she hung up.</p><p>Less than five minutes later there was a commotion at her door, and opening it revealed Palmer and Kasie carrying a bruised and battered Nick between them.</p><p>‘Nick?! What the Hell happened?’ She brushed her hand over his face assessing the tiny cuts and puffiness. Nick lifted his head and gave a goofy, bleary-eyed smile.</p><p>‘He’s ok, nothing serious’ Jimmy reassured her brightly, hoisting Nick up some more and pretty much dragging him to the sofa while Kasie explained.</p><p>‘The Kaparov takedown went bad- awry, amiss’ she corrected seeing the instant panic on her face, ‘his car flipped…’</p><p>‘He’s ok’ Jimmy chirped calmly, as she intently scanned Nick again ‘just bruised ribs, cuts and grazes but I gave him some analgesia that ah, spaced him out a little’.</p><p>‘<em>A little</em>?! Jimmy, the guy is <em>tripping</em>!’ Kasie chided the M.E.</p><p>Nodding contritely, he muttered ‘He needs someone to watch over him’.</p><p>‘And we’ve a shit-ton of work to do, two bodies, trace evidence to process and Gibbs is…’</p><p>‘Impatient?’ Ellie supplied.</p><p>‘Exactly! <em>Please</em> Bishop, there’s no one else, McGee is working surveillance-,’ looking imploringly at her.</p><p>‘Ok ok!’ she caved with a sigh, ‘what do I need to do, concussion stuff?’</p><p>‘Nope, he didn’t hit his head, this is purely a drug side-effect. Push fluids to flush his system and let him sleep it off’.</p><p>‘And maybe clean off your face’ Kasie chuckled. She gasped realising her face was still smeared with blue mask and swiftly grabbed a cloth.</p><p>They left in a hurry, anxious to get back to work before the boss toasted them and she was left looking at Nick sprawled on her couch, croakily singing something that sounded suspiciously like the oldie ‘<em>Endless Love’</em></p><p>Rolling her eyes, she got to work. She grabbed him a quilt and pillow from her bed, not wanting to get bloodstains on her sofa. She pulled off his boots with difficulty and she got him a glass of water.</p><p>‘Nick, you need to drink this, lift your head.’ She helped him as best she could, but his head lolled.</p><p>‘You're beautiful…’ he whispered, his glazed eyes roamed over her face as his fingers delicately touched her cheek. She froze as his head rolled to rest into the crease of her neck, his lips dangerously close to her pulse point, ‘and you smell like summer.’</p><p>‘Oh, he gave you the <em>really</em> good stuff, huh!’</p><p>‘I missed you’</p><p>‘You just saw me a few hours ago’ she chuckled, shifting him back onto the pillow and tucking the quilt around him.</p><p>‘I missed you everyday, Allison… Allie… Ellie’ he hummed his tongue licking over the names.</p><p>Air got trapped in her lungs and she tightened her arms around herself to force herself to breathe.</p><p>‘I missed you too, Nick, every single day.’</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Closing ranks</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He was tugged out of his dreams by the sensation of a warm cloth tenderly swabbing his eyebrows, followed by the gentle press of a palm smoothing down dressings on his forehead and he hummed in contentment. The soft ministrations then focused on the knuckles of his right hand. It stung a bit, but he relaxed into a doze as he felt another sticky dressing and then bandage being rolled on. It was nice having someone take care of him and he’d happily fake being asleep if it meant having more of Ellie’s attention luxuriated on him.</p><p>He didn’t expect a plastic stick to be thrust in his mouth and he woke with a start, hissing in pain as his bruised ribs protested, to find Nicole standing beside him in what looked like a mixture of a nurse and doctor play-costume.</p><p>‘Please stay still while I take your temperature!’ she admonished him firmly pushing him back against the cushions on the sofa. As soon as he did another waft of Ellie’s inviting vanilla and honey scent, erupted from the pillow under his head, <em>her</em> pillow.</p><p>‘Morning Nicole, or is it Doctor Nicole?’ he greeted her around the thermometer.</p><p>‘Nurse Specialist Bishop’ she lisped, ‘just like my Auntie LB in Oklahoma’. She took out the probe, looked at it intently and tutted sternly ‘you have lots of injuries Nick, I had to use extra plasters!’</p><p>‘I’m sure I’ll be better in no time with you looking after-,’</p><p>‘<em>Coco!</em>’ Bishop blurted in visible horror, standing at the end of the sofa surveying the scene.</p><p>‘Hi mommy, I’m making Nick better, see?’ chirped his nurse, completely unaware of her mom’s obviously spiralling embarrassment.</p><p>‘Um, yeah, great’ Ellie replied distractedly, her hand now covering her mouth.</p><p>‘Ellie, it's fine, no damage’ he reassured her, in case she was upset Nicole had woke him with her first aid skills.</p><p>‘Coco honey, where did you get the...<em>those</em>?’ she asked breathlessly pointing to his forehead.</p><p>‘Under the sink, beside the red ‘ouch’ box. I ran out of supplies, so I got the big band-aids!’ she smiled proudly.</p><p>‘Yeah, that’s great, um, Nick, you <em>might</em> want to, um…’ she pointed at his head awkwardly and swirled her finger around.</p><p>‘What?’ he asked suspiciously, wondering had the kid used a Sharpie on his face or something.</p><p>‘She’s used um…Gah! Just <em>look</em>,’ she nodded with wide-eyed emphasis towards his bandaged hand.</p><p>‘<em>Oh</em>! um...wow!’</p><p>Nicole had <em>resourcefully</em> used feminine hygiene pads as field dressings. <em>Now</em> he understood why Ellie was torn between dying of mortification and busting a gut holding in a laugh.</p><p>He encouraged the latter.</p><p>‘They’re stuck to my head too, huh?’ he winced assuming a martyred expression, his ribs aching with suppressed mirth.</p><p>She could only nod, silent convulsions of laughter expending all her lung function.</p><p>‘Mommy, are you crying?’</p><p>‘Laughing, honey’ she panted before uncontrollably tittering again, sending him off too until he coughed in discomfort. ‘Nick and I have a serious attack of the giggles’</p><p>Nicole stared at them, bewildered. ‘Can I put a sling on your arm mommy?’</p><p>‘Sure’ she wheezed, trying to calm a little and they headed towards her bedroom giving him a chance to remove the pads.</p><p>‘Nick, you have to get into mommy’s bed with her then I can look after you both at the same time!’</p><p>‘Um, I’d love to but um...I can’t’ he replied evasively, glancing at Ellie who had frozen.</p><p>‘Why not? You slept with her<em> before</em>’</p><p>There was a second of silence before they both spluttered incoherent refutations in unison.</p><p>She squinched her little face up in bewilderment at their denials. ‘You <em>did!</em> In the tent, silly!’</p><p>Memories of the tent hadn’t left his mind...how she’d shifted to her side, becoming the little spoon, nestling her back to his chest, snuggling her much-admired butt to his thighs. The contact was tantalizing even if there were a multitude of layers between them. He’d slipped an arm over her waist, his other arm up under the pillow to pull her closer. He’d enjoyed her small purr of satisfaction as he shared his body heat with her. </p><p>Later in the night, she’d turned over, her face burrowed against his sternum. He’d wrapped her closer, tucking her in beside him snuggling. He’d concentrated on the warmth of her breath over his skin through the thin fabric of his tee-shirt. He’d felt the curve of her contented smile against his warm chest. Whenever he adjusted even a little, she’d nuzzle in more following the heat, so he’d held her until there was nothing but pressure and scent and soft beating heart and silky hair.</p><p>She’d whispered in her sleep, voicing soft soothing susurrations, a pattern he could nearly identify. Listening closely he’d wondered if she was listing numerical codes and he’d let the sound and puffs of air on his chest become a melody, letting his body ease until sleep took him under.</p><p>‘Why don’t I make us all breakfast?’ he blurted before he got to the pants-tightening phase, ‘Nicole, do you want to help me make <em>perico</em>?’</p><p>While cooking his traditional home-style breakfast Nicole was fascinated to learn all about the rustic dish.</p><p>‘<em>Perico</em> is a kind of scrambled eggs. The name of the dish means <em>parrot</em>, because of all the different colours of tomatoes, scrambled eggs, and onions. Some people add chopped red, green and yellow peppers too. At home, I’d have a few <em>arepas</em> on the side. That’s a type of bread’.</p><p>‘Can I try <em>arepas</em>?’</p><p>‘Sure, we can make some next time, I just need a special kind of flour’.</p><p>Having eaten together at the table, both he and Ellie shared the tidying-up, she one-handedly wiping down the counters and he now free of ‘bandages’ washing and drying the dishes.</p><p>‘I’m sorry the guys dumped me on you last night, I don’t know what the hell kind of stuff Jimmy stabbed me with, ‘non-opioid painkiller’ <em>my ass</em>, literally!’</p><p>‘Well, you <em>were</em> pain-free’ she smirked comically.</p><p>‘Yeah, and balubas!’</p><p>‘So, you remember that?’ she asked glancing at him sideways.</p><p>‘I remember feeling woozy and hugging Kasie a lot, and I <em>think </em>she threatened to restrain me in a chair with duct-tape, then I was here’ he gulped down a swallow even though his mouth was dry, waiting for the interrogation to start.</p><p>He remembered <em>exactly</em> what he’d said but as she just nodded noncommittally not grilling him any further, he didn’t volunteer a confession. She was struggling a bit lifting a stack of plates so he stopped her, his fingers brushing hers as he took the pile and returned them to the cupboard.</p><p>This seemed like the perfect moment.</p><p>‘So, in appreciation of your delightful hospitality, can I bring you out for a thank-you dinner?’</p><p>‘Can we get pizza?!’ Nicole piped up, he hadn’t noticed she’d crawled up onto one of the breakfast-bar high-stools and her face was awash with excited anticipation.</p><p>‘Oh, um…’ he risked a quick look at Ellie, but she coughed, averting her eyes. He’d hoped for just the two of them, but she didn’t deter Nicole and he couldn't disappoint her so he went with it, covering up the awkwardness he felt.</p><p>‘Of course! We could go to Alberto’s? They spin the dough right there at the table before it goes into the oven’</p><p>‘Wow!’</p><p>‘Sounds great, Nick’</p><p>‘How about tonight-, unless you’ve something else organised?’</p><p>‘Nope, we Bishop girls were going all-out-crazy with at-home facials and a mani-pedi but we can reschedule that’</p><p>‘So, I’ll pick you ladies up at 6.30?’</p><p> </p><p>Ellie had curled her hair more than usual and he <em>definitely</em> noticed how her skinny jeans accentuated her ass, helped along by killer heels. Nicole had curled hair too, matching her mom in style but just in walnut instead of a wheaten shade. She’d also gone all-out with a party frock, a pretty pink sequined top-half with a flouncy, ballerina skirt and sparkly shoes.</p><p>'I have fairy-glitter spray in my hair, see?’</p><p>‘Dazzling!’ he wowed, ‘you two are beautiful!’ and Ellie smiled shyly.</p><p>The restaurant was packed but they’d a great table right in the middle of the action as the elderly owner and presumably, his son tossed and spun circles of dough into massive pizza bases. They made a fuss of Nicole, probably thinking it was a special occasion with her party dress and all, asking her to throw doughballs for them to catch in their mouths and to pick crazy toppings for the giant show-stopper pizza. Tuna and banana was…different, but at least everyone in the pizzeria had to share in the delight.</p><p>A server went from table to table, taking photos of the kids enjoying the action and when she got to theirs Nicole bashfully asked her to take one using her own kiddie instant camera.</p><p>‘I got it for my birthday' she told the server, Carla, ‘and a sparkly mermaid-tail and then we all went camping and I ate a million toasted marshmallows!’</p><p>‘Wow, that sounds like a great birthday, huh?'</p><p>‘Yup!’</p><p>‘Ok, so mine first, then your one’ Carla explained, adjusting the focus on her own Nikon. With gestured flicks of her hand, he and Ellie were coaxed closer and closer until really, putting his arm around her shoulders was the <em>only</em> possible position without falling off the chair. Ellie hauled Nicole onto her lap and leaned into him, and his breath stopped as she casually laid her hand on his thigh, to steady herself he was sure…</p><p><em>Almost sure</em>.</p><p>‘Beautiful guys’ Carla chimed, looking down at her display screen, ‘Mom, she certainly has your eyes, but the rest is <em>all</em> her dad, huh!’</p><p>He felt Ellie’s hand flinch against his taut leg muscle and he fervently hoped an innocent Nicole didn’t launch into another meticulous retelling of the saga including divorce details!</p><p>The little girl was already busy explaining how her instant camera worked, oblivious to Carla’s blunder and that at least spared Ellie any embarrassment.</p><p>They posed again for Nicole’s camera, only this time Nicole scampered up balancing precariously on his knee. His and Ellie’s hands both jerked out reflexively to support her before she backflipped. They huddled for the photo but kept their hands where they were on Nicole’s back, his on top of hers, while they both held onto an arm each and all three of them beamed broad smiles.</p><p>‘Hold!’ Carla snapped them again, then with her professional camera too. There was something special about that single moment in time, and even if it cost a fortune to buy the prints from them, he didn’t care, he ordered two sets, one for both him and Ellie from Carla and she jotted it down in her notebook.</p><p>He glanced over at Ellie and knew her bright eyes were already on him. Her cheeks glowed, not a blush more a warm rosiness that only added to her gorgeousness. He gave her hand a squeeze with his own and the movement launched ticklish Nicole into gales of laughter.</p><p>He watched in fascinated awe as both girls, even after putting away massive amounts of pizza, still had room for ice-cream. He ordered a sharing-sized extravaganza that came in a tall fancy glass, with layers of strawberries, chocolate sauce and whipped cream, fizzing sparklers mounted on top. He sat back in amazement as they tucked in, protesting that he was meant to help them out, and they still finished it.</p><p>After dinner they took a stroll up towards Dupont Circle, the area was lively and family-orientated at that still-early hour of the night. Nicole was mesmerised by flame-juggling street performers and he put her up on his shoulders for a better view. When Ellie popped into a pharmacy to get some pain-relieving oral gel for Nicole’s first wobbly tooth, he went to the street kiosk and let her pick out some sweets and candies to keep her mind off the imminent loss.  Just as he was paying the little girl burst into motion and ran down the street.</p><p>‘<em>Whoa!</em> Nicole!’ he shouted in panic, sprinting after her but he slowed to a jog when he saw her swooped up into the guy’s arms.</p><p>‘Daddy!’</p><p>‘Hi pumpkin, where’s mommy?’</p><p>‘In the store, I'm with Nick’ she wriggled down from her dad and grabbed hold of Nick’s hand, dragging him closer. ‘This is Nick, mommy’s special friend. I have a wobbly tooth Daddy, look!’ she pushed her tongue against her front bottom tooth and Jake winced squeamishly.</p><p>‘Nick Torres’ he held out his hand politely. </p><p>‘Jake Molloy’ he reluctantly shook it. He noted the dick didn’t even introduce his obviously pregnant girlfriend. Jake perused him speculatively, ‘I’ve met you before’.</p><p>‘Ah, yeah a couple of months back at NCIS’</p><p>‘Right yeah, the burger guy!’ Jake's words were cordial, but everything screamed contempt.</p><p>His eyes narrowed belligerently but he kept his tone even. ‘I work with Ellie’</p><p>‘You're an <em>agent</em>?’ Jake raised his eyebrows in snide bemusement. ‘New?’</p><p>‘Nope, a few years’</p><p>‘In <em>D.C.</em>?’ he probed and that had his hackles up. He knew the asshole was sifting for information probably some kind of ammunition to throw at Ellie.</p><p>‘Sometimes, but just this year on Gibbs’s team’ he answered coolly, crossing his arms tightly until his biceps bulged.</p><p>Jake nodded absently but seemed to be weighing something up.</p><p>‘Gibbs, that autocratic tyrant! Nothing short of a bullying slave-driver if you ask me!’</p><p>
  <em>Nobody asked you dickhead!</em>
</p><p>But instead, he answered mildly, ‘Then you don’t know him, he’s the best of men’.</p><p>‘Ah, another ‘Cult of Gibbs’ groupie’ he sneered derisively, doing the air bunny-ears thing, ‘how <em>does</em> he do it?’</p><p>‘Absolute trust, loyalty and no BS. He ruthlessly protects his own, I respect that’ he snapped back only marginally curbing his growling irritation.</p><p>He hadn’t been paying attention so involved as he was in the verbal duel with Molloy, but Nicole was holding hands with them, swinging both his and Jake’s arms as she skipped from foot to foot.</p><p>She was probably tired, she’d eaten her body-weight in carbs and it was late for a six-year-old.</p><p>He felt a sudden jerk as Jake tugged on her arm. ‘Stop fidgeting’ he scolded her under his breath and Nicole stilled, her chin dropping to her chest.</p><p>
  <em>What the-! </em>
</p><p>He squeezed her hand reassuringly and when she lifted up her eyes to him, he winked. Smiling Nicole promptly let go of her dad’s hand and stretched up her arms for Nick to lift her. He effortlessly swung her up and settled her on his hip and as expected, her head curled into his collar, snuggling-in like she was about to sleep.</p><p>It was like pouring gasoline on smouldering embers.</p><p>Whatever petty passive-aggressive shit had been going on between them before was nothing compared to what he anticipated now.</p><p>He could see the rage ripple across Jake’s face, his lips twisting in bitter resentment that she'd shown him up publicly and in front of Jenna by snubbing him and choosing Nick for comfort.</p><p>Of course, Ellie turned up at that exact moment, breathlessly mid-sentence, ‘<em>There</em> you guys are! The queue was ridiculous but I - <em>Jake!</em> What are-? Oh-’</p><p>She had clearly spotted the very pregnant Jenna.</p><p>‘Ellie’ Jake gave her the merest nod of acknowledgement</p><p>He could see her anxiety escalate as she took in Jake’s hostile stance.</p><p>‘Everything ok?’ she muttered hesitantly, flicking her wide eyes between them both nervously as Jenna whispered something to Jake.</p><p>‘Mmhum’ he shot Ellie an encouraging smile whilst bobbing his body a little to soothe a tense Nicole in his arms. He really wanted to take Ellie's hand in his own, his fingers itched with the need to comfort her physically, but he wasn’t sure she’d appreciate giving Jake an in.</p><p>Taking a breath, she stepped forward, ‘Hi, I’m Ellie, you must be Jenna, nice to meet you’. The other woman looked stunned by the gesture.</p><p>
  <em>God only knew what the dick had told her about Bishop!</em>
</p><p>‘Nice to meet you’ she muttered back sourly, rejecting the olive branch. ‘Honey, I’m going to get the car’ she murmured kissing him on the cheek in a blatant display of possessiveness.</p><p>She needn’t have worried, Ellie was emphatically vocal about her feelings on Jake!</p><p>‘Pick you up tomorrow pumpkin, 3pm’</p><p>‘Ok daddy’ Nicole yawned, her too-heavy head dropping back on his collar-bone with a little thump.</p><p>‘Ellie, can I have a word?’ Jake muttered ominously.</p><p>He decided to step away, just out of earshot, sensing that Nicole didn’t need to hear them bickering, but he refused to leave, determined to stay close… just in case.</p><p>He didn’t trust the prick; he definitely had a few drinks on him, and venomous vibes rolled off him in waves. He knew Jake’s type. That kind of petulant anger and jealousy had a propensity to lash out.</p><p>Over his dead body would Jake lay a hand on Ellie!</p><p>Nicole was almost asleep, lulled by his rhythmic swaying and the heat of his body. He knew once her thumb went in her mouth she’d be out for the count in seconds. Ellie and Jake seemed to be having an intense discussion and he let it go until Ellie turned and glanced back at him, and he read fear on her face.</p><p>Whatever she said to her sneering ex resulted in him gloating triumphantly. Ellie blocked Jake’s path her hands raised as he started stomping over towards them.</p><p>‘No, Jake don’t-!’</p><p>‘I don’t care what you want!’ he spat, ‘Tell it to the judge!’ he bellowed, and Nicole jerked awake.</p><p>He couldn’t let it go and he automatically took a position in front of Ellie.</p><p>‘Hey, <em>enough</em>! Do <em>not</em> raise your voice to her!’ he murmured in a low growl, warning Jake. He nodded towards Nicole blinking owlishly on his shoulder. ‘Now is <em>not</em> the time or place’</p><p>Jake stood up taller and ostensibly flexed his muscles but thought better of it once <em>he</em> did the same, Even with a child in his arms he’d bury the dick with one punch. Jake obviously assessed the situation, noted their disparities in size, physique and temperament, and decided backing down was the smarter option.</p><p>Didn’t stop him running his mouth though, dropping snide, obscure comments that made no sense, some crap about him being ‘random’ and his pension.</p><p>But it must've meant something more specific than the actual words because Ellie seemed intensely uncomfortable, her face blanched and unconsciously she picked at her fingernails ripping off chunks until she flinched in pain.</p><p>A car-horn beeping as Jenna pulled alongside to the curb put a stop to the eyeballing stand-off and as he hauled himself into their car, Jake gave him a look of pure unadulterated hatred.</p><p>‘Schmuck’  Jake muttered disdainfully and on any other day he would've squared up to him but Ellie was already upset and he didn’t want to disturb Nicole.</p><p>‘Jerk’ he shrugged dismissively turning away, not giving the asshole a backwards glance.</p><p>‘Ellie, you ok?’</p><p>‘Yeah, I-, um, thanks’</p><p>‘Thought you were going to roast me for getting involved but I couldn’t let him talk to you like that’</p><p>‘Things were getting…nasty’ she agreed, closing her eyes, ‘Thanks, for keeping your cool and um, stepping in when you did’</p><p>‘Ellie Bishop,’ he teased, nudging her with his elbow. ‘Are you telling me that <em>you</em>, a badass, ass-kicking, gun-toting, NCIS agent, independent woman needs a man to defend her?’</p><p>‘<em>Need?</em> No.’ She reached up, running her fingers down her sleeping child’s back and across his forearm hovering on his hand before he hooked their thumbs briefly. They both knew she could take care of herself. ‘But it’s nice to know someone has my back.’</p><p>‘Always’ and he squeezed her thumb gently.</p><p>She was quiet on the drive back to her apartment and he worried about <em>what</em> the asshole had said that could’ve upset her so much. He knew Jake had underhandedly chosen to be especially vicious with Nicole there, knowing Ellie wouldn’t retaliate in front of the child.</p><p>He hated not being able to knock him into the middle of next week, but this was Ellie's business, she hadn’t asked for his assistance and he was damn lucky she’d taken his interference tonight so well.</p><p>But he wanted, <em>needed</em> to take care of her and Nicole, to protect them both. It was a primal, instinctive, feral need that burned within him.</p><p>
  <em>Was it false hope to want to be a part of Ellie and Nicole’s life? To dream of a family and a home, a future together?</em>
</p><p>Once home and the little one settled in bed, Ellie poured them a large glass of wine, glugging hers back in one before pouring another. He didn’t want to pry and bring up Jake again, he’d had enough airtime rent-free in both their heads tonight already.</p><p>He could've waited but he decided to take a chance, changed the mood.</p><p>‘So um, no work on Monday for the holiday’ he rubbed his hand over his bristly jaw nervously.</p><p>‘Yeah’,  she smiled blissfully, doing a little fist-pump. </p><p>‘And you're kid-free tomorrow night?’</p><p>‘Yeah, he’s taking her tomorrow afternoon and dropping her back Monday evening’ She took a sip of her wine this time, her shoulders finally dropping as the tension and stress seeped out of her. Puffing out her cheeks she rolled her head back and stretching out the kinks in her stiff neck muscles, humming contentedly. </p><p>He gulped a hard swallow and soldiered on.</p><p>‘So, you wanna <em>do</em> something?’ he asked casually but was unable to disguise the slight hitch in his voice ‘We could go out, catch a movie? Or-or grab a bite, maybe a beer?’</p><p>He was scrambling and clutching at straws now, seriously on the backfoot as her jaw dropped open, but she gave no verbal response. He was certain the hammering of his heart would crack a rib.</p><p>
  <em>Fuck! </em>
</p><p>‘Um, yeah’ her head starting nodding and slowly her mouth caught up with her thoughts, ‘a drink that’s not a juice-box sounds great’ and she gave him a shy smile that punched him in the gut a little bit. Sometimes his feelings for her snuck up on him.</p><p>‘Ok then’ he masked a relieved sigh. ‘I’ll pick you up 7.30?’ he asked just a little too brightly and he took a mouthful of his wine to cover his delight as she enthusiastically nodded back.</p><p>He had a date with Ellie!</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Well that was unexpected!</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was just a drink. That's what he’d said, just a casual, nothing-better-to-do-at-a-loose-end drink…</p><p>Right?</p><p>So why did she feel all…<em>fluttery</em>?</p><p>There was no other word her brain could come up with, which was quite an achievement in itself seeing as she had an abundance of multilingual tongues to choose from.</p><p>But there was only one tongue though that consumed her thoughts!</p><p>She needed to get a grip because otherwise their casual, friendly, ‘let’s hang out’ drink would become a bug-eyed, red-faced, jittery catastrophe of epic proportions if her eyes even glanced at his mouth!</p><p>She squeezed her thighs together again trying to stave-off the buzz of tingly warmth</p><p>Just a drink, maybe a nibble- <em>of food! Jeez, get a grip!</em></p><p>And she almost had herself under some kind of control after her second cup of extra-strong coffee.</p><p>‘Momma, can you read me my bedtime story on Facetime tonight?’</p><p>‘Tonight? I’m sure daddy would like to do that!’</p><p>‘I like the way <em>you</em> do it better’</p><p>‘I’m sorry honey, I’m um, going out with Nick tonight-,’</p><p>‘Awww! Can’t I go?’ Coco wailed petulantly, her lip pouting theatrically.</p><p>‘Not this time sweetie, we’re going to hang-out in a bar maybe’</p><p>‘So, it’s just you and Nick…’</p><p>‘Mmhum’ she replied absently, topping up her mug.</p><p>‘Because you're special friends?’</p><p>‘Mmhum’ she hummed savouring another blessed mouthful of morning brew.</p><p>‘Yay! So, he’s <em>nearly</em> my new daddy!’</p><p>‘<em>Huh?</em>’ she spluttered, reaching for kitchen roll to wipe her chin. ‘What do you mean?’</p><p>‘Well, I asked Nick about being my new daddy-,’</p><p>‘You-you spoke to <em>Nick </em>about -?’ she balked in stupefied horror, suddenly feeling a little sick. The coffee burned like acid in the back of her throat.</p><p>‘Mmhm…’ Coco nodded thoughtfully. ‘and I thought Nick could give <em>you</em> a baby in your tummy, for your birthday.’ The kid shovelled another spoonful of her Cheerios in, chewing noisily, completely oblivious.</p><p>She broke out into a cold sweat, cringing intensely.</p><p>‘When did you guys talk about all this?’</p><p>‘When you went out and wore your red dress’.</p><p>She suddenly remembered about Nick squirming uncomfortably the time he’d baby-sat, something about Coco being confused about the ‘birds and bees’ but she’d bitten his head off, furious about Jenna, before he could clarify. She pulled herself back to the present and tried to follow her six-year-old’s train of thought.</p><p>‘Anyway, Nick told me that sometimes special friends <em>love</em> each other very much and become a new family, like when Bella got another daddy and then they have babies …<em>but</em> that doesn't always happen.’</p><p>She nodded distractedly, thinking he’d covered that particular minefield rather well actually and took a somewhat relieved sip of her coffee – she glanced over at the nearby almost-empty cafetiere and was already thinking that she was going to need a lot more than normal this morning. Motherhood was…complicated!</p><p>She took a deep breath and started to try build on the foundations Nick had laid so as not to confuse her. ‘Coco, that kind of love is a very special thing, and it doesn’t happen very often even with really good friends-</p><p>‘Yep, he said that too, but I checked and Nick definitely said he did, so-,’</p><p>Paralyzed she dropped her drink on the floor and the mug smashed. ‘Momma, you made a mess!’</p><p>She looked up at her daughter, her eyes wide with shock, ‘He said what?’</p><p>‘You broke your favourite cup’ Coco craned around to look at the mess, completely confused at how her mom seemed not to have even noticed.</p><p>‘What did Nick say to you about love, honey?’ she asked softly as she walked around the breakfast bar to sit next to her.</p><p>Coco looked at her mother's blue jeans and frowned. ‘You have coffee on you’ she pointed out helpfully.</p><p>‘I'll change in a minute, sweetie,’ she wasn’t surprised to find that her heart was racing, but the throbbing pulse made her ears burn uncomfortably. ‘Can you remember what else Nick said? About love?’</p><p>The little girl thought carefully tapping her cereal spoon on her cheek, ‘He said…that special friends can become family when they have a <em>special</em> kind of love’ she repeated with a casual shrug.</p><p>‘And what did he say about <em>me</em>?’ she probed more specifically, hating that she was trying to get information out of her child, but unable to stop herself.</p><p>Nicole rolled her eyes upwards obviously thinking really hard, and she hoped she wasn’t about to get an imaginative version of what occurred, probably involving a mermaid somewhere.</p><p>‘I remember I was sad because I thought he didn't love you in the way that makes him my new daddy, and I <em>really</em> want that’ she bobbed her head emphatically and Ellie sucked in a breath knowing she’d have to tackle<em> that</em> doozy delicately. ‘Then Nick promised that he did…but said it was grown-up stuff’.</p><p>Her brain stuttered for a moment, every part of her went on pause while her thoughts caught up.</p><p>Coco’s trembling voice called her back to reality. ‘Did I say something bad, mommy? she asked, her lip wobbling.</p><p>Ellie was still trying to process what Coco had said but rushed to reassure her, popping a kiss on her head. ‘Everything is fine, sweetheart, but I think Nick is right. This is definitely a conversation for grown-ups.’</p><p>Coco relaxed and went back to chomping through her breakfast. Ellie started cleaning up the spillage, but she was all fingers and thumbs.</p><p>
  <em>Coco must have misheard, or took it up wrong, right? </em>
</p><p>Interviewing child witnesses 101; kids told the version <em>they</em> thought you wanted to hear, they picked up on where you were leading them, they wanted approval and praise.</p><p>But even with all that rationally in mind she couldn’t halt her internal meltdown!</p><p>The 3 o’clock handover was tense but other than a dirty look from Jake, neither he nor Jenna said a word to her. He just took Coco’s bag, strapped her into her seat and drove off.</p><p>Suddenly alone in her apartment her panic levels rose exponentially as she tried to figure out what to wear when she had no idea what she was even dressing for! And Coco’s earlier revelation had upped the ante considerably!</p><p>She caved and called.</p><p>‘Hey Ellie, what’s up?’</p><p>‘Delilah, I need your help’ she implored they only person she reckoned would know what to do.</p><p>‘What! What’s wrong?’</p><p>‘I don’t know what to wear’ she cringed at her friend’s panic, immediately feeling more than a little stupid.</p><p>‘<em>Jesus</em> El!’ she gasped, ‘I thought it was an emergency!’</p><p>‘It is! Nick asked me out and-,’</p><p>‘He <em>what</em>? Hold on, I’ll be there in twenty minutes!!’</p><p>Bang on time, Delilah rolled in with a bottle of wine wedged in beside her.</p><p>‘Ok, I’m here, spill!’ she said breathlessly before squealing, ‘Ooh, I’m so excited he finally asked you-!’</p><p>‘Cool your jets, Dee, I don’t think it’s like that-,’</p><p>‘What do you mean?’</p><p>She filled her in on the drug-induced sleepover, the sanitary towel dressings, the pizzeria and then the altercation with Jake, well, she skimped on those details, but they still played on loop in the back of her mind.</p><p>She couldn’t tell her what Jake had actually said.</p><p>As soon as Jenna left and Nick stood back, he’d attacked with his usual caustic venom.</p><p>‘Don’t play innocent Ellie it’s unbecoming. You must be fucking him like a pornstar whore to keep him interested in <em>you</em>’ he’d sneered, his calculating eyes evaluating Nick over her shoulder.</p><p>He always found a way to put her down.</p><p>‘What I do with my life is none of your goddamn business Jake!’ she’d retaliated on the back-foot he’d chosen this accusation to beat her with.</p><p>‘So you <em>are</em> fucking him’ he confirmed smugly.</p><p>‘I- we’re not-,’ she stumbled defensively before she snapped her mouth shut furious that she’d even answered.</p><p>‘But you <em>have</em>’ he needled her with his well-honed, cross-examination skills but she’d only glared at him defiantly.</p><p>‘So fucking random guys, unacceptably dangerous job-,’ pointing to her wrist and she couldn’t deny Nick looked like he’d been through the wars with his bruised eyebrow and scattered grazes, ‘leaving our child in the care of strange men’ he’d ticked off her apparent offences on his fingers. ‘Clearly, Jenna and I can offer a more <em>stable</em> home environment. I’m sure the court will see it that way too. Does he know?’  </p><p>‘Know what?’</p><p>‘That you’ll use him like you did me? Maybe I should enlighten him!...’</p><p>It'd gone from bad to worse and without describing the specifics, because it only added to her stress levels, she continued.</p><p>‘I still can’t believe that that’s the first time I’ve seen this Jenna and she must be like <em>seven</em> months along! Anyway, Nick just wanted to cheer me up I think, and with Coco gone for the night, no work tomorrow, he suggested beers and maybe food-,’</p><p>‘But you like him?’ Delilah interrupted her ramble, blunt as a brick to the head as ever.</p><p>‘Of course I do, he’s my partner, my friend’</p><p>Delilah gave her a sassy, scathing look until she swallowed painfully. ‘<em>Ok</em>! yes, I <em>like</em> him’</p><p>‘Then it’s a date’ Delilah judged calmly.</p><p>‘But what if it isn’t?’</p><p>She was probably more nervous it <em>was</em> a date, she hadn’t been on one of those since before Jake, a decade or more ago!</p><p>‘Ellie’ she sighed despairingly, ‘he’s single, he offers to help out with Coco, and after hanging out with you guys most the weekend already, he wants to spend <em>more</em> time together, just the two of you. It’s a <em>date</em>!  And even if he didn’t plan on it being a date, <em>you</em> can make it one! Come on, you're gorgeous! Just flirt a little and he’ll be eating out of your hand’.</p><p>She made it sound so easy!</p><p>‘First off though, grab two glasses’ she pulled out the wine with a flourish, ‘and then let’s see what we’re working with here’ scrutinising the mountain of clothes strewn over the bed.</p><p> </p><p>Hearing his now-familiar knock at the door she quelled her butterflies and cast a quick check over herself again. Delilah had exceeded herself, selecting an outfit that could be adapted depending on the location of the ‘date’. Her red floral dress was short but modest, the wrap design accentuated her waist but could be loosened to reveal more cleavage and more leg if required. She wore a black blazer with the sleeves rolled up casually and her bare legs, shaved, buffed and moisturised to a healthy glow, were finished off with heeled ankle boots. She’d styled her hair loose and wavy, had applied more make-up than usual but fretted her ruby lipstick was too much, standing out in contrast against her pale skin.</p><p>It was too late to change it now.</p><p>‘Come in, doors open!’ she hollered out and as he opened the door, she hauled her handbag across her shoulder, flicking her caught-up hair out from under the strap.  ‘Hey, I’m ready I’ve just to find my keys and- what?’</p><p>Nick was gawping at her and as the silence stretched, she furtively ran her hand over her back of her dress to check it wasn’t tucking into her underwear.</p><p>‘You um-, lovely’ he blurted inarticulately, then forced a rough, throat-clearing cough before beginning again, ‘You look absolutely lovely’</p><p>‘Thanks’</p><p>‘But um, have you got jog-pants?’</p><p>‘You want me to change… into <em>leggings</em>?’ she queried, both baffled and horrified that she’d been swayed by Delilah and feeling mortifyingly exposed.</p><p>‘No, just bring some, in case you get cold, please?’ his boyish awkwardness was unnerving but weirdly reassuring.</p><p>‘So what I’m wearing is <em>ok</em>?’ she doubled-down still unconvinced.</p><p>‘More than ok! Perfect’.</p><p>She sat nervously in his car as he drove, fidgeting with the hem of her skirt, wishing she’d worn jeans as he had. Ok, they were smart dark jeans, and a well-cut, slate-grey shirt that showed off his muscular physique just a little too well. She tried to moisten her lips, but her mouth was dry.</p><p>‘So where are we going?’</p><p>‘I thought we could do something fun before beers, unless you're starving?’ he glanced over at her and she noticed his eyes loitered over her overwhelmingly nude legs before darting back to the road.</p><p>‘Nah, I’m good’ she gulped, glad of the dark that hid her ruddiness, ‘Delilah came around earlier after Coco was collected and we had snacks… and wine’</p><p>‘How much wine?’ he chuckled and she felt his eyes roam over her again like he was assessing her sobriety.</p><p>‘Couple of glasses tops’</p><p>‘Jake didn’t um, <em>upset</em> you again when he picked up Nicole earlier, did he?’ his grip tightened on the steering wheel until his knuckles whitened. Nick’s growling protectiveness was annoying and endearing in equal measure, but she hated seeing him distracted by worry.</p><p>‘No, nothing like that…Delilah just wanted some girl-time, away from the kids I guess’ she fibbed easily.</p><p>A couple of minutes later he pulled up in a carpark outside a domed building. ‘Well, we’re here’ he announced expectantly.</p><p>‘The ice rink?! <em>Now</em> I get the yoga-tights!’ she exclaimed, genuinely delighted and relieved.</p><p>‘Yeah, I thought it would be fun but cold’ he puffed as though relieved too, ‘can you skate at all?’</p><p>‘A bit, but it’s been years!’</p><p>‘Don’t worry I’ll help you. I um, worked at our local rink in senior-year, so I got pretty good at it’ he shrugged modestly, ‘but it’s been a while for me too’.</p><p>In the bathroom she pulled on the leggings under her dress and sitting beside him on the bench rink-side she tightened up her skate-laces her fingers moving in muscle memory but couldn’t tie them with her splinted wrist.</p><p>‘Crap! I forgot about your fracture’ he chastised himself, his brows furrowing, ‘maybe we shouldn’t-,’</p><p>‘Nick, I’ll be fine, don’t worry!’ she grinned impatiently looking at the ice.</p><p>‘Ok’ he nodded warily, ‘but I’m holding on to you, you’re <em>not</em> falling on my watch!’ Nick pulled each foot onto his knee and tied the laces, expertly wrapping them around the ankles for additional support.</p><p>‘All set?’ he asked holding out his hand and hauling her up to stand. They lumbered over the matting to the gate and Nick wrapped his arm around her lower back locking-on to her waist and took her good hand in his own.</p><p>‘We’ll take it easy ok, just let me do the work until you find your balance’.</p><p>Once on the ice, he pushed off slowly and they joined the flow of skater traffic circling in clockwise laps as he explained how to stop, start and use the blades to move.</p><p>He kept his grip firm on her hip, coaxing and encouraging her, upping their speed slowly but surely. Gradually he relaxed his grip on her, increasing the distance between them by a couple of inches and they were just holding hands but still shoulder to shoulder.</p><p>‘Not bad B, you got this!’</p><p>‘Good teacher I guess’ she flashed him a smile and couldn’t keep it in any longer. She let go of his hand and slowly pushed away from him unaided.</p><p>‘Careful! Take it slow!’ he pleaded.</p><p>‘I’m ok’ she bit her lip seeing his anxious face, his arms outstretched and hovering ready to catch her and she decided to do it.</p><p>‘I think I’ll <em>just</em>-,’ she drove her toe-picks into the ice and propelled herself across the ice at a startling speed, laughing as she heard his gasp behind her.</p><p>It had been years, but the movements came back instinctively, her muscles and limbs falling into old routines as she zoomed gracefully across the chilly arena. She wasn’t going to push it with a risky jump, but she knew she could knock out a simple toe-loop salchow combo and unfold into a decently fast camel-spin even in the generic boots.</p><p>When she toe-picked to an ice-spraying stop getting a ripple of applause from the other skaters, Nick was standing there, hands over his face in a mixture of awe-struck astonishment and squirming embarrassment.</p><p>‘So, you’ve skated ‘a bit’, huh?’ he shook his head in disbelief.</p><p>‘I’m <em>sorry!</em>’ she chortled ‘I just couldn’t resist!’</p><p>‘And you couldn’t tell me you have like, <em>Olympic-level</em> skating skills <em>before</em> I made a fool of myself?’ he laughed still shaking his head ruefully.</p><p>‘Olympic? No, but two-time Junior State finalist…’ she grinned cheekily as he winced. ‘Honestly, though it’s been-’ she puffed out her cheeks, ‘over <em>fifteen</em> years since I was on the ice!’ she pushed off slowly and he skated alongside her companionably.</p><p>‘Why did you quit, an injury?’</p><p>‘Nah, the practice was cutting into my schoolwork. I had to decide what took precedence, I chose maths. I don’t regret it but <em>god</em> that was exhilarating!’</p><p>‘You looked amazing, though my heart almost stopped went you let go of my hand and pushed off, I thought I’d be scraping your face off the ice!’</p><p>‘I’m sorry I scared you’</p><p>‘Meh!’ he snorted amiably and then looked at her a little sheepishly, ‘I need to remember you're a woman of mindboggling skills and hidden talents. So how about you teach me some of those moves?’</p><p>After another half hour and much goofing about on the ice, they headed to a lively bar with a decent cover band rocking out everything from Bon Jovi to Beyonce from the tiny stage area down the back. They ate from the bar menu, sharing a platter of chicken-strips, tempura-prawns, onion rings and fries while knocking back beers and chatting and laughing, revelling in the upbeat ambience. Pretty soon everyone was hitting the dancefloor and Nick tugged her up to join in with the heaving crowd as he busted his cheesy moves, spinning her around to disco floor-fillers and old-school club anthems. When the crowd got too crazy and confining, Nick caught her hand and shouldered a way out.</p><p>They found some stools at the bar and were finishing her round of beers but she had to admit to taking her time not wanting the night to end.</p><p>‘One for the road?’ he offered maybe guessing she was stalling.</p><p>‘Sure’</p><p>He ordered something amber in a highball glass.</p><p>Taking a sip, she blinked relishing the tangy taste, ‘what’s in it?’</p><p>‘Jameson, ginger beer and lime, an Irish Mule. I um, remembered you like whiskey’</p><p>‘You did, huh?’ she smirked, and once again they were back to that night, drinking round after round of clove-spiced, hot whiskey to ward off the chill that only his body on her, inside her, eventually cured.</p><p>‘Sláinte!’ she choked out after swallowing thickly, tipping his glass and he returned ‘¡Salud!’ before he took a mouthful. As she took another taste her eyes followed his tongue licking across his lips and she lost herself for a minute, wondering did he still taste the same, the longing to find out almost overwhelming her. She shook her head in frustration with herself and crossed her legs demurely. She still wasn’t sure if it was a date, he’d done nothing to suggest it was but still, she was having a really good time and she didn’t want to ruin it.</p><p>They got a taxi home to hers, he was definitely over the limit and the car was fine where it was. He politely told the driver to wait as he walked her to her door.</p><p>‘I had a really good time tonight Nick, thank you! I haven’t had that much fun in I don’t know how long!’</p><p>‘Same, we should do it again sometime’</p><p>‘For sure!’  </p><p>‘I better go, huh?’ he bobbed his head towards the taxi.</p><p>‘Yeah…unless um-, do you want to come up for coffee? It’s still early-,’</p><p>‘B, it’s almost 3’ he smirked as she gasped. Where had all those hours gone?</p><p>‘Oh right, ok’ she stammered, feeling the prickly burn of a blush racing up her jaw.</p><p>‘But coffee sounds great, and maybe a bathroom call!’ he nudged her, his face screwed-up comically.</p><p>She snorted, ‘yeah well I've first dibs!’ she insisted, relieved they’d moved on from the momentary awkwardness. Nick paid the driver and followed her in, his breath warm on her hair as she turned the key to her apartment. Shucking off her jacket she headed to the toilet and all done she found him filling the coffee-pot. It was still surprising how at home he was in her kitchen, he and Coco enjoyed cooking together, so it didn’t feel invasive to have him there, it seemed natural, a new norm maybe that she liked a little too much.</p><p>‘Bathrooms free’ and she groaned kicking off her boots. She busied herself pouring them both glasses of water and pulling out some nachos and dips while he was gone. She was struggling to open the bag, her fingers still too weak to do such a simple chore when Nick gently enclosed her hands with his taking the bag and deftly opening it, pouring some of the chips into the bowl.</p><p>‘Thanks’</p><p>‘You're welcome’ he whispered and something about the low, vibrating timbre of his voice made her look up and realise how close he actually was to her, the heat of his body radiating across the mere inches between their chests, melting into her.</p><p>Then he kissed her, his lips fleetingly soft on hers. He pulled back like he was waiting for her to object but seeing her timorously smile he stooped to her, kissing her again only this time deepening the contact, parting his lips over hers to press into her mouth. They sank into each other kissing and tasting and it was better than she imagined, than she remembered… until they had to breathe, and they came up for air.</p><p>‘Christ, I’ve wanted to do that <em>all</em> night!’ he panted, still holding her face in his warm palm.</p><p>‘You did?’ she blinked, as her lungs still stuttered.</p><p>‘Uh, <em>yeah</em>!’ he answered like ‘duh’.</p><p>‘So, was this like a <em>date</em> date?’</p><p>He arched his brow and pinned her with a penetrating look. ‘What did you think it was?’</p><p>‘I um, wasn’t sure, I was having so much fun I thought maybe just two friends…’</p><p>‘Fuck, I really need to up my game, huh?’ he muttered shaking his head.</p><p>She hooked her finger in through the gap between his shirt buttons allowing her to touch the skin just below his sternum. ‘I think your game’s ok.’</p><p>‘It is, huh?’ he hummed before launching into another series of deliciously, decadent kisses that did absolutely nothing to quench her rampant desire for more…</p><p>‘I better go’ he blurted abruptly.</p><p>‘<em>Go</em>? Why?’ she flinched, fearful her wandering hands had misconstrued his intent.</p><p>‘Cos I <em>really</em> want to stay and do a lot more of this’ he moaned.</p><p>‘Okaay?’ she drawled, really not seeing a problem with that scenario, at all!</p><p>‘Ellie, I don’t want to fuck this up and I know you need more time, you need to be sure for Nicole, so we take it slow, until you're sure’.</p><p>‘She seems sure about <em>you</em>…she told me you guys talked’</p><p>‘She did?’ he shifted his feet, suddenly tense.</p><p>‘She trusts you. When I fell, she called <em>you,</em> Nick, not her dad, not Gibbs not 911, <em>you. I </em>trust you too’ and she kissed him back impatiently, heatedly, with all the passion she'd been saving for years.. ‘I, really want…’ but the thought went walkabout somewhere between his lips and his tongue.</p><p>‘Me too but …’</p><p>‘Right yeah, slow…good idea, sensible…’ she echoed it like a mantra even as heat pooled between her legs.</p><p>‘Mmhum’ he hummed into her mouth before grudgingly dragging himself away and taking a step back and puffing out a steadying breath.</p><p>‘I’m going to Lucía’s for lunch tomorrow, she always loads me up with trays of home food, how about I pop in after and share, Nicole wanted to try arepas’.</p><p>‘Tomorrow?’</p><p>‘It’s cool if it’s too soon or um, too much-, forget I said-,’</p><p>‘Nick, sounds great’ she beamed, ‘I thought you’d be sick of us…of me’</p><p>‘God, no!’</p><p>‘No?’</p><p>‘Nuh-uh, nope, nunca’ his eyes roamed over her face and halted, settling on her lips.</p><p>‘Never?’</p><p>‘Nunca’ he underlined his meaning with another promising, teasing kiss until he groaned.</p><p>‘I need to go’. He ran his fingers roughly through his hair making it spike up and rubbed his face bristling his stubble producing a raspy sound that almost floored her. ‘Yeah, I should go now’ he nodded fuzzily.</p><p>He dropped his hands and straightened up, blinking as he swayed slightly. Her eyes widened in concern, worried he was drunker than he seemed earlier, until her gaze travelled down his body, getting stuck on the sight of his obvious erection straining at his jeans.</p><p>‘Oh,’ she blurted, suddenly ridiculously flustered at his physical reaction even as her own body sizzled and sparked like a downed high-voltage power-line in a storm. She wasn’t a naïve young girl, she knew he wanted her and she really, <em>really,</em> wanted to take this, whatever it was, to the next level but he clearly didn’t, well, not right now anyways and if she wasn’t souped-up on crazy pheromones, she might’ve been able to think coherently and appreciate his restraint.</p><p>Irrationally she was miffed but knew he was being wise; ‘slow’ meant it wasn’t some drunken, fumbling once-off, he planned on doing this again and that was <em>all</em> <em>kinds</em> of good, right?</p><p>She heaved a lungful of air feeling a little light-headed herself, her heart still galloping erratically.</p><p>‘I’ll… walk you out, to the door’ she stammered.</p><p>The door was all of about five steps away, so it didn’t take long to get there. She undid the lock, aware of him behind her. Opening it she stepped back and suddenly his hand was on her hip and the other was cupping her jaw and they were kissing again.</p><p>Her core ignited but she shivered anyway, and his mouth moved over hers hungrily, like he’d been waiting for this since the moment they’d met again months ago, maybe even since that first night.</p><p>She knew she had.</p><p>He drifted forward and her back thumped into the door, their hypersensitive groins mashing together and she let out a little noise that made him groan as he pulled back.</p><p>‘I’ve got to go’ He kissed her again, hard and quick, then moved back in for another, slow and warm and soft. ‘Fuck. I’ve got to go’</p><p>‘Do you want to call a cab? Wait here till it comes?’ she suggested breathlessly, really wanting him to stay.</p><p>‘Better not.  I’ll grab one at the corner’</p><p>He leaned in and placed a soft lingering kiss on her forehead, inhaling as he did it before growling softly. He reluctantly pulled away so their bodies weren’t touching anymore, and she missed the contact immediately. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath.</p><p>‘Goodnight Ellie’ he said formally shoving his hands into his jeans’ pockets, barely disguising the bulge.</p><p>‘Goodnight Nick’ she swallowed, his taste still tantalisingly on her lips and she was desperate for more.</p><p>She locked and dead-bolted the door in a daze after watching him walk down the hallway towards the stairwell, every nerve in her body still zinging from his touch, her lips swollen and tingly. It took her a few minutes, leaning her back heavily against the wooden panels to get herself together. Eventually forcing her legs to move, she switched off the redundant coffee-pot and cling-wrapped the untouched nachos. The mindless chores didn’t do anything to help cool or calm the fire inside her, so she turned off the lights and made her way distractedly into her bedroom.</p><p>She pulled a fresh pair of pj's out of the pile of laundry neatly folded in the basket still waiting to be put away, then stopped, ditching them dreamily on the floor and crawled into bed naked.</p><p>She wanted Nick’s hands on her, but her own would have to suffice.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Crossfire</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry I'm so late posting the next chapter! Crazy busy at work and renovations at home!<br/>Anyhow, I'll be firing out updates rapidly from now on!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Nick Torres was a survivor, it was part of his skillset, part of what made him tick.</p>
<p>He didn’t have possessions, things, nick-nacks, the random precious stuff other people collected as they travelled through life that needed hauling around when he moved. He wasn’t tied down to anywhere in particular. There was no ‘home’ for the holidays.</p>
<p>Sure, he loved his sister and his niece but he, and they, had gotten used to having a loose kind of relationship, one where he’d drop off the radar for months at a time and pick up right where they left off, no questions asked. When he was there, he was there, if they needed him, he would move heaven and earth, wade through a river of blood to get to them, to protect them.</p>
<p>He didn’t require anything to get by.</p>
<p>Until he did.</p>
<p>He <em>needed</em> Ellie Bishop; had done for years, since that night they first met and without conscious thought, she’d become part of him, she was the only precious thing that always went with him, his psychological safe haven. Yeah, it was an idealised version of her that sustained him over the years undercover, a romanticised memory that grew from the unexpected perfection of that serendipitous night, well, right up until she ran out but even that had a fairy-tale quality to it.</p>
<p>He still had no idea how or why their brief encounter had such an enduring impact on him.</p>
<p>He was unprepared to handle his feelings now he’d spent months working with her, realising that his feelings didn’t diminish when faced with the reality of Ellie, instead, they grew, altered, deepened. The day-to-day stuff, her quirks and habits, her amazing brain and her kick-ass ability as an agent were all alluring facets but it was her warmth, her sparkle, her <em>joy</em> that had him hooked…and she was <em>hot</em>!</p>
<p>Spending time with her outside of work, at home with Nicole, he was floored by the explosion of raw desire, the longing, the craving...</p>
<p>Now every moment in her presence became an excruciating lesson in endurance, restraint and control and every moment away from her his head crammed with thoughts of her until everything else became white noise.</p>
<p>He wanted her but she had been clear and concise.</p>
<p>No, she <em>didn’t</em> date.</p>
<p>Because of Nicole. Her needs came first, he got that completely, but he still wanted Ellie.</p>
<p>So, he’d agonised about the perfect date-not a date. Candlelit meal? Nope, too formal, the movies? too lame, or tequila-fuelled salsa in a late-night club? no, too sexually charged…</p>
<p>He planned something fun and low-key and man, he hit that nail on the head! He didn’t touch her or hold her hand except on the ice and that was spectacularly unnecessary!  She’d insisted on taking turns buying rounds in the bar and he didn’t argue because he wasn’t going down <em>that</em> rabbit-hole of etiquette. So skilled was he at <em>not</em> putting pressure on her that it was a date, she hadn’t even realised it <em>was</em> one making him feel all kinds of awkward…until they were kissing.</p>
<p>Fuck, the woman had the most amazing mouth!</p>
<p>His cab-ride home and a significant portion of the night had involved ruminating and replaying those kisses, with the inevitable self-managed release of the backlog in his aching balls. He was tired but happy, relieved they had finally got to where they were at, so much so even Lucia called him out on being a little starry-eyed over lunch. He was pleasantly surprised she kept her all-seeing, all-knowing smugness to a silent smirk when he asked for extras to take home. Lucia knew Ellie, had met her after the car bomb, she knew she was his work partner and had a cute kid and now she knew that they were hanging out outside of work hours, eating together. Lucia’s sudden silence on anything about his life, never mind something significant like a love interest, was deafening, but the grinning was worse!</p>
<p>He waited impatiently until late afternoon before heading to Ellie's with Lucia’s well-stocked cooler box of traditional home-food and treats for Nicole to try out. He was quite sure Ellie would scoff anything and everything with relish!</p>
<p>As soon as he got out of the lift, he heard the raised voices, and his hackles bristled instantly aware it was coming from her apartment.</p>
<p>A sandy-haired woman stood in the doorway apparently attempting to apologise for something, Nicole was wailing, crying hysterically from somewhere inside and Ellie was having a heated exchange on her phone whilst pacing between the hallway and the living room.</p>
<p>‘What the-?’ he started, automatically assessing the area for damage or injury, ready to shoulder his way forward.</p>
<p>‘I wouldn’t if I were you-,’ the woman sighed, shaking her head.</p>
<p>‘Who the hell are you?’ he barked bluntly already pushing past her.</p>
<p>‘I’m Anna, Coco’s aunt and you are?’ her eyebrow raised questioningly but she didn’t stop him.</p>
<p>‘Nick, I work with Ellie’,</p>
<p>‘Right, of course’ she nodded, giving him an intense appraising look that he really didn’t like.</p>
<p>‘What’s going on?’ he asked again seeing that Ellie was completely involved in the tit-for-tat wrangling match on the phone.</p>
<p>‘My idiot brother again’ Anna shrugged, and he rapidly revised his initial opinion of her, cutting her some slack.</p>
<p>‘Is he in there?’ he growled his fists involuntarily curling.</p>
<p>‘No, he left me to deal with the fallout, again’ she huffed before shaking her head and adding, ‘ask Ellie to text me later, when the dust settles,’ and she left.</p>
<p>Ellie seemed oblivious to him dropping the picnic box on the countertop, but Nicole emerged from behind the sofa and all but flung herself at him.</p>
<p>‘Hey shush, what’s up niña?’ he crooned, lifting her up and smoothing her head with his palm as she sobbed into his shoulder.</p>
<p>He spotted the problem immediately. One side of her hair had been lopsidedly cut, haphazard chunks of her pretty walnut brown waves had been hacked off.</p>
<p>‘Daddy cut my hair- and I’m-ugly and everyone is- shouting at me!’ she hiccupped out between sniffles.</p>
<p>‘You are always beautiful!’ he declared pecking a kiss on her forehead whilst grabbing a tissue, wiping her tears and cleaning her nose. He homed in on the one-sided conversation with difficulty still trying to calm a keening Nicole.</p>
<p>‘There are products Jake, to get stuff out of kids’ hair! No need to chop it off! You should’ve <em>called</em>-,’</p>
<p>‘Well, she didn’t get the gum from <em>me</em>!’ Ellie snarled back in response to an accusation clearly irritated she was repeating herself.</p>
<p>‘Nick’s not stupid Jake, he wouldn’t do that!’ she growled scathingly, rolling her eyes skywards.</p>
<p>Finally, her eyes alighted on him and he could see the distress all over her face, not even managing a smile of greeting. Instead, she scrunched up her face as the shouting continued down the line, the words distorted but the tone undeniable. His fingers itched to pull the phone off her and just cut the jerk off.</p>
<p>‘I will find out and yes, I will let you know Jake, but I suggest <em>you</em> look closer to home. This is not on me!’ she finished adamantly through gritted teeth before hanging up. She barely took a breath before turning to them her eyes flashing dangerously.</p>
<p>‘Coco, <em>who</em> gave you the sweets’ she asked tersely, and the kid wriggled in his arms shaking her head, refusing to answer, further exasperating her frazzled mom.</p>
<p>‘Nicole, answer your mom’ he murmured gently pulling her thumb out of her mouth.</p>
<p>‘But it’s a secret,’ she whispered, with a confused guilty look at him.</p>
<p>‘Secret? We do <em>not</em> keep secrets!’ Ellie barked furiously, ‘Who gave you candy? Was it a stranger? When?’ her grilling intensified in a panicked voice.</p>
<p>Suddenly he remembered telling Nicole that the sweets were <em>their</em> secret. ‘Don’t tell your mom, ok?’ he’d winked at her when handing over the $5 at the street kiosk.</p>
<p>‘B, I got her them Friday night after the pizza’ he confessed, shame-faced that the kid had tried to protect him from her mother’s wrath.</p>
<p>‘What the <em>fuck! Gum</em>!’ The fact she cursed in Nicole’s hearing highlighted how stressed out she was. He should’ve taken that as a cue to back off and politely leave.</p>
<p>‘She chewed the whole pack and hid it under her pillow overnight, and Jake <em>had</em> to cut it out of her hair’ she snarled cynically ‘and I’ve just argued that <em>you</em> wouldn’t be so irresponsible to give it to her!’</p>
<p>Nicole started up on whining again at her angry expletives hissed under her breath.</p>
<p>‘I didn’t know she wasn’t allowed gum, Ellie’ he apologised placatingly but to no avail.</p>
<p>‘Jesus Christ, Nick! She’s six! She could’ve choked! You can’t give into her every whim, she’s the kid you're supposed to be the adult!  Jake’s just looking for evidence I’m an unfit, incompetent, incapable mother and this just handed him a whopper!’</p>
<p>‘It was just candy Ellie, I didn’t think it was a big deal’ he argued reasonably hoping to reduce her ire in the dispute.</p>
<p>‘Well, it is!’ she roared, running her hands through her crazy frayed hair and flinching as she hurt her wrist again.</p>
<p>Nicole’s snivelling had turned again to crying, ‘Come on Ellie, let’s just calm this down ok? You're upset, she’s upset, just stop shouting at her -’</p>
<p>His words worked like a grenade going off.</p>
<p>‘Don’t you <em>dare</em> turn this on me!’ she shrieked, reaching over and pulling Nicole off his shoulder, balancing the protesting child on her hip. ‘I have <em>enough</em> with fighting Jake and his lawyer and the court without <em>you</em> telling me I’m doing it all wrong and chewing me out!’</p>
<p>‘I’m not disagreeing or fighting with you, Ellie!’ he held up his hands defensively trying to figure out a way to fix this.</p>
<p>He knew it wasn’t all about him, that her overwrought fury was a reflex response to whatever Jake had laid on her, but it stung all the same. Ignoring his renewed plea to calm down she slapped her free hand on the counter.</p>
<p>‘Just <em>go</em>!’ she fired back, spitting feathers she was so angry. ‘I need to sort <em>this</em> out’ pulling a large pair of scissors out of the kitchen drawer. Nicole started sobbing again, whining that she didn’t want her hair cut and Ellie was hovering on the brink of frustrated tears.</p>
<p>‘Coco hush! You know you're not allowed gum, <em>this</em> is why, so quit crying now’ Ellie told her firmly, ‘You can’t go to school tomorrow like this, so calm down and let’s just fix this, ok?’</p>
<p>‘Daddy shouted at me too! And he chopped off all my hair!’</p>
<p>‘I’m not going to ‘chop it all off’ I’m just going to even it up’ but Nicole howled louder, clearly past the point of reasoning.</p>
<p>‘B, maybe if-,’ he touched her elbow tentatively, but she pulled away.</p>
<p>‘Nick, you're not helping!’ she spat on the defensive as she plopped Nicole down on the breakfast bar, ‘stop making me out to be the bad cop here!’</p>
<p>‘I wasn’t- B-,’</p>
<p>It was at that moment that the kid in meltdown-mode landed one of her heel-hammering kicks into her mother’s gut causing her to buckle over. The child froze immediately knowing she had crossed a line.</p>
<p>‘Uff! <em>Enough!</em> Nicole, sit!’ she ordered panting through being winded by the blow. Growling in pain and frustration, her face blotchy with patches of a worked-up flush and pallor from shock, she roughly pushed his hands away as he tried to help her.</p>
<p>‘Nick-just <em>go</em>! I don’t<em> want</em> you here! Go away!’ she seethed.</p>
<p>Her vehemence told him to leave more than any slap in the face.</p>
<p>Her attention already back on an inconsolable Nicole, he slunk out of the apartment unnoticed, furious with himself for mishandling the shit-storm so badly. She’d defended him to Jake and would now have to recant her version to the asshole because he was an idiot who hadn’t checked what treats he’d given Nicole a free rein to buy.</p>
<p>He’d clearly made things worse, his patronizing interference had only inflamed the situation. She didn’t want him or need him. He’d screwed this up like he fucked up everything in his life and the thought of sitting across from her tomorrow getting scathing looks and silent treatment after kissing her, after letting his hopes and dreams fill his mind and heart was too much.</p>
<p>He needed an out, somewhere to hide away to recalibrate and process where he was at.</p>
<p>Old routines, what he knew, what he did best, work, distance, change of scene.</p>
<p>She was right, he should just ‘go away’.</p>
<p>A brief call to Gibbs and he was assigned on an out of State, radio-silence witness protection detail for a dickhead gunrunner awaiting trial. His request sounded reasonable. Someone from NCIS had to be present, nobody wanted to do it but <em>he</em> didn’t have a family or kids or commitments, so he was the logical choice of agent and was actually volunteering and available to go off-grid for a few weeks. His omniscient boss hummed noncommittally just once during his offer to help out on the shitty task, clearly not buying his sudden altruistic attitude for a minute, but he okayed the assignment anyway.</p>
<p>He was packed and on the road to the Wilmington, North Carolina safehouse within a couple of hours.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. A Hail Mary</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>One week turned into one month and his surly, waspy humour did not improve until the US Marshalls arrived, and together they all escorted Charles Howard to his court appearance. Accepting his plea bargain he sang like a canary on the stand and incriminated the rest of the organisation, huge kudos for NCIS on bringing down the weapons dealing ring, slap on the back for him personally for getting the dude to trial in one piece blah, blah, blah.</p>
<p>He’d done his job, got commended by top brass, had chalked up a shitload of overtime pay and was owed plenty of time off too. He should’ve been ecstatic, right?</p>
<p>He was miserable.</p>
<p>Just days into the assignment he knew he’d made a horrible mistake leaving as he had. His old routine of pressing the reset button when things got tough, accepting a new undercover alias, a new case in a new location just didn’t cut it anymore.</p>
<p>So, he was stuck for weeks in a tired old apartment on the edge of town with crappy A/C while Howard sat in bed 24/7 eating leftovers and watching endless rerun episodes of <em>Law and Order</em> like he was going to figure out a way to cheat the system. That fucking intro tune with its da-dongs drilled into his brain until he heard it in his sleep, whenever he did manage to get some shut-eye which wasn’t often. Parker, the local field-agent sharing the assignment, was solid, southern and sullen, by mutual unwritten agreement he didn’t even have to attempt polite conversation with the dude as they swapped between shifts, monosyllabic grunts were sufficient.</p>
<p>Howard’s connections with organised crime meant the stint of witness protection had to be strictly radio silent. No personal calls, no personal phones, no way to talk to Ellie without jeopardising the whole case. So, he had to wait it out getting more angsty and irritable with every passing day.</p>
<p>He just wanted to get home, back to Ellie, to talk, to explain. He’d roll with the punches and take it on the chin, but he needed to see her. His need was visceral, and it outstripped any flak he’d get from her for just up sticks and leaving.</p>
<p>All the same, he felt more than a little queasy with nervous tension knocking at her door late that night. Maybe he should have called ahead, she could be asleep or out, or on a date…?</p>
<p>The door creaked open and in the dim light a subdued, tired-looking Ellie greeted him flatly.</p>
<p>‘You're back’ she muttered, her eyes downcast as she tightened the knot on her fluffy dressing gown. ‘What are you doing here, Nick?’</p>
<p>‘I um, was hoping I could talk to you’</p>
<p>‘It’s late Nick’.</p>
<p>He was really hoping it wasn’t<em> too</em> late, that he could maybe salvage something.</p>
<p>‘I know, I’m sorry. I just wrapped up the case, drove back and came straight here’ He hadn’t thought about the practicalities at all during the six-hour drive, he just needed to see her. ‘I didn’t realise the time. Sorry to just turn up on your doorstep…’</p>
<p>‘Gibbs said you’d be back this weekend’ she sighed, still not inviting him in.</p>
<p>‘He did?’ He wondered had she asked about him while he was gone but that was probably too much to hope for.</p>
<p>‘Yeah’ She was avoiding even looking at him, but he couldn’t take his eyes off her. She was so close yet so distant, and it was all his fault. He ran his hand through his hair and massaged the crick in his neck searching for words to exonerate himself but everything he’d planned to say sounded all kinds of wrong now.</p>
<p>Sensing his struggle or maybe just being polite she held the door open and turned, retreating into the hallway. The soft lamplight just about highlighted her profile, but he’d seen it and hissed in consternation. ‘Ellie- what happened to your face?’</p>
<p>‘What? Oh, that?’ she touched the yellow-green stain on her cheekbone before he could, his hand dropping futilely as she stepped away moving towards the kitchen, ‘It’s just a bruise, perp got a lucky swing on me last week, it’s nothing’ she shrugged nonchalantly as she filled the kettle and put it to boil on the stove.</p>
<p>‘Who was partnering you?’ he demanded though he was more annoyed with himself than with whoever was on backup and doing a piss-poor job of it as her face proved.</p>
<p>‘No one. It was just a fluke one-punch, it happens’</p>
<p>‘I, I should’ve been here, you shouldn’t have been alone’</p>
<p>‘It’s not your job to save me Nick, and-,’ she just shrugged not even getting angry with him, ‘I guess I’m getting used to being on my own’.</p>
<p>Something about her tone made him inexplicably anxious, something was off and looking around the living room he realised certain things were missing.</p>
<p>Her back was to him as she riffled through her stock of snacks, plating up a mountain of cookies on autopilot. ‘Is tea ok? I um, haven’t been sleeping, the place is too quiet, or I can make you a coffee-,’</p>
<p>‘Ellie, where’s Nicole?’</p>
<p>‘She’s staying with Jake. Court-mandated extended visitation’ she sighed desolately as she took two mugs down from the cupboard.</p>
<p>He felt the blood draining from his face and covered his mouth with his palm, his stomach knotted and twisted in horror, ‘Is-is that because of <em>me</em>? Did he bring you to court for custody-?’</p>
<p>‘Oh no, nothing like that!’ she rushed to reassure him hearing his anguish. ‘It was stipulated in the last agreement. He gets two weeks when his mother’s down from Maine. He hasn’t filed any further petitions, <em>yet</em>’.</p>
<p>She muttered that last word tightly, her tone bleak.</p>
<p>‘Ellie, I’m so sorry if I caused you-,’</p>
<p>‘You left’ she interrupted, hurt and disappointment etched on her face.</p>
<p>‘You told me to go-,’</p>
<p>‘Yeah, like go away, to give me space to cool off, not <em>away</em> away!’ she exclaimed heatedly.</p>
<p>‘Oh’ he blinked, stunned by the simplicity of her words, ‘I thought-,’</p>
<p>‘Nick, we had a few cross words over <em>gum</em> and you up and left for a <em>month</em>!’</p>
<p>‘I screwed up’</p>
<p>‘Every parent screws up, it’s a rite of passage, par for the course. I screw up all the time!’ she replied wryly, a long-suffering smile on her face.</p>
<p>‘So, you're not <em>mad </em>with me-?’ he squinted one eye at her, awaiting the backlash.  </p>
<p>‘I’m mad you left without talking to me! Nick, I felt like I was being attacked from all sides, Jake, his sister, then you, and Coco was screaming crying and I…was stressed out and overwhelmed and I’m sorry I snapped at you. Having a fight is normal, natural and healthy. But you left me, Nick, without a word and Coco was so upset, she thought <em>she</em> was to blame for you getting sent away-,’</p>
<p>‘I’m so sorry Ellie, I was an idiot for leaving, I know ok! I’ll talk to Nicole-,’he scrambled, his guts writhing in guilt-ridden remorse.</p>
<p>‘You can’t just vanish from her life …from <em>my</em> life like that’ her voice cracked, and he knew she was on the edge of tears. ‘I need to be able to trust you on that kind of stuff if we’re-,’</p>
<p>‘If we’re…?’ his heart started racing as hope and optimism flared but it was all still on a knife-edge, and his personal ability to fuck stuff up was legendary. He clamped his mouth shut and let her talk.</p>
<p>‘Nick I’m a package deal, always will be. I get we’re a messy bundle, the definition of ‘strings attached’ but that’s the deal and she’ll always come first. I need you to think about that before-,’</p>
<p>‘I don’t need to think about it, B’ he took her hand in his, still marvelling at how tiny it was against his own paw, ‘I want you, I want <em>us,</em> and that includes Nicole and everything that means’</p>
<p>‘You really mean that?’</p>
<p>‘The whole enchilada, kit and kaboodle’ and seeing her face brighten his heart lifted. ‘Ellie, I want in’ he added earnestly, as he pushed a stray lock of her loose hair behind her ear, revelling in just being given a way back, a second chance.</p>
<p>‘We need to be honest with each other from now on. There’s stuff I need to talk to you about-,’</p>
<p>‘Tomorrow’ he whispered as he took a step closer his heart pounding, drumming a staccato in his ears.</p>
<p>‘Tomorrow? Why tomorrow?’ Ever the analyst her face scrunched up in confusion.</p>
<p>‘Because I’m going to kiss you now, because I’ve thought of nothing else for weeks, because I missed you, and I hate missing you, and I spent <em>years</em> missing you and I don’t-,’</p>
<p>He was surprisingly cut off by her mouth on his. Her lips moved over his, warm and gentle and then open and inviting. Her soft hands reached around his neck, her thumb brushing the angle of his jaw as his own trembling palms respectfully skimmed her hips not pushing his luck but reflexively pulling her willing body closer to his own.</p>
<p>‘Same’ she smiled sheepishly when they eventually broke apart.</p>
<p>‘As long as that’s clear’ he chuckled ruefully before he framed her face with his hands and dropped a light kiss on her lips. ‘Ellie, we’ll do this any way you want, at whatever speed. Glacial is ok with me, ok?’</p>
<p>He saw in her face that she wasn’t convinced but at least he’d put it out there.</p>
<p>‘And what if I don’t want that?’</p>
<p>‘You don’t want <em>us</em>-?’ he gulped as the sucker-punch hit home.</p>
<p>‘No, what if I don’t want <em>glacial</em>?’</p>
<p>‘I, um-,’ Whatever thoughts he’d in his head evaporated as her fingers hooked into his waistband and she tippy-toed up in her bare feet to kiss him again. As her tongue did deliciously indecent things in his mouth, he felt the tug and pull on his belt as she slowly unbuckled him, the subtle pop of his jeans’ button opening, heard the metallic rasp as she undid his fly.</p>
<p>‘Oh’ he croaked, his puffy lips rounding to almost match his wide eye. He forced a rough, throat-clearing cough trying to convey coherence past the mind-blowing sensation of his every drop of blood heading south to his already throbbing dick. ‘Are you sure-?’</p>
<p>‘Shhh,’ her fingers pressed against his mouth cutting him off. She swallowed nervously as her hands dropped to her house-coat belt, her fingers teasing open the bulky knot and the fabric parted open revealing only a barely-there tank top and panties.</p>
<p>Sucking in his breath he stood frozen, his eyes soaked up her delicate collar bones, the soft curve of her breasts, the pert protrusion of her nipples through the thin white fabric. His fingertips twitched and thrummed impatiently against his thigh desperate to touch her milky skin but still, he couldn’t move.</p>
<p>Calmly she interlaced her hand with his and with a gentle tug she led him towards her bedroom.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He’d like to be able to say he remembered every detail but somewhere between her bedroom door and the bed they had stripped each other in a wild abandon that only comes from a feral need to be completely, wholly and utterly <em>with</em> another person.</p>
<p>Beyond his instinctive physical reactions, his mind focused on vivid snapshots of intense sensations.</p>
<p>How her warm thighs were satin-smooth against his lips and how the salty-sweet taste of her tingled his tongue.</p>
<p>How he felt her every intake of breath as her nipples brushed his chest.</p>
<p>How his dick nudged against her slick heat and he growled his pleasure and desire, rolling to cover her, nestling between her legs in a perfect fit yet desperate to be closer.</p>
<p>She had arched back, her pelvis meeting him, her pale elegant throat the last thing he saw as she took him deep inside and his eyes dropped closed.</p>
<p>All his senses coalesced around rhythm and heat and electrifying friction. Her fingers dug into his shoulders, her muscles clenched around him, stretched taut with achy desire, begging him to move and then like that first night, her low purr that went straight to his groin.</p>
<p>Thrust and slide until her thighs trembled.</p>
<p>She began to come apart, her breath shallow and quick, clenching, moaning her surrender and her challenge to keep up the pace.</p>
<p>Fuck, if that didn’t reach right inside him and spur him on!</p>
<p>He followed her with long, hard plunges as he buried himself deep within her and lightning filled him up, fuzzing his thoughts, his hips stuttered, and everything fizzed away to scorching pleasure.</p>
<p>A couple more erratic thrusts and he was coming fast. Her legs wrapped around his hips, holding tight, rocking them through the crest of it, his hand hit the headboard for balance as his burning lungs ached for want of breath.</p>
<p>Utterly emptied, he rolled to his side, slipping out of her but bringing her with him in his arms. Ellie continued to claim him in small gestures. She was humming very softly and he was pretty sure she didn’t know she was even doing it. He smiled as her fingers fluttered across his lips and turned to look at her but was startled by her expression.</p>
<p>‘B, what’s wrong? Did I hurt you or something?’ His hand cupped her cheek, tilting her head towards him so she couldn’t avoid him. Shaking her head she squirmed slightly and adjusted her leg away from him, and only then did the sticky mess on his thigh dawn on him. The last time <em>that</em> had happened was with her too.  </p>
<p>‘Fuck, we should have probably used something, huh?’ he berated himself, so much for taking things slow and sensible!</p>
<p>‘It’s ok, I'm on the pill for years, irregular periods’ she shrugged but still, she dodged his apprehensive gaze.</p>
<p>‘What is it then? Talk to me, please’ Bracing himself, he pressed a lingering kiss on her sweaty forehead.</p>
<p>‘Was that…ok?’ she murmured self-consciously, her chin dropping from his palm as she almost curled in on herself.</p>
<p>‘<em>What?</em>’</p>
<p>She couldn’t be asking that, could she?</p>
<p>‘I’m <em>a lot</em> out of practice, I um, haven’t, since that night-, since we…’</p>
<p>‘-Since <em>we</em>-?’ he spluttered ‘but you were <em>married</em>-didn’t you and him <em>ever</em>-,’</p>
<p>‘We <em>did</em> but Jake had his accident <em>that</em> night, he um, couldn’t for a long time, and when he could I, well, our marriage was over,’ she babbled nervously and then shook her head like dispelling a bad memory. Admittedly the topic was way awkward and he definitely didn't want to talk about Molloy right now!</p>
<p>He took a long steadying breath and chose his words carefully.</p>
<p>‘B, if you're asking if that was ‘ok’ for me, the answer is no, not ok. ‘Fucking <em>amazing</em>’ is a description I can live with, only because my vocab doesn’t stretch to where I need it to go!’ He felt her body relax and realised she’d been genuinely worried about being a disappointment to him somehow.</p>
<p><em>He</em> was still basking in the afterglow of the best orgasm of his life.</p>
<p>He nuzzled into her neck, peppering her soft delicate skin with kisses, luxuriating in his new freedom to taste her but was not above hoping he’d lived up to <em>her</em> recollections.</p>
<p>Six-plus years was a very long time to live off memories.</p>
<p>He thought about how her ex was a fucking idiot squandering his chance to be with her and then he realised he was a stupid-ass fool too for wasting years undercover, months as her partner, weeks out of town when he could have been here with her, like this. He kissed up her jawline and paid particular attention to that sensitive area just below her ear while his hand grabbed a generous palmful as her glorious ass.</p>
<p>‘God I’ve wanted to do that for so long’</p>
<p>‘What, feel my butt?’ she sniggered but wriggled a little so he could cop a better grip.</p>
<p>‘You clearly underestimate your attributes B, the highlight of my working day is when you bend down to put stuff in your filing-cabinet bottom drawer’ he grinned laviciously enjoying the slap of her scandalised backhand on his chest.</p>
<p>She was laughing softly now, snuggling up under his arm, her fingertips tracing swirls on his hip and thigh until his chest rumbled a lustful growl. He savoured the rarest of sounds, her unchecked delight. It flashed through him that maybe he was the only person who’d ever heard it. He wanted it to stay that way and he huffed a laugh at the crazy possessiveness she sparked in him.</p>
<p>The survivor in him knew he couldn’t lose her. Deflecting he playfully tried to lighten his introspective, brooding mood.</p>
<p>‘We should probably try that again, you know, to compare and contrast. Purely for science’ he suggested airily, ‘My memory of that night is a little hazy in places, I blame you for getting me drunk and taking advantage of me by the way’ he silenced her protests with a kiss, before continuing.</p>
<p>‘-But anyway, I’m almost sure you did this thing with your hips while your fingers did this other thing that damn-near rendered me unconscious…we could try recreate <em>that</em> again?’</p>
<p>‘For <em>science</em>?’ she mused, a smile tugging on the corners of her lips as she tried to maintain her straight face.</p>
<p>‘Mmhm, and…um, statistics’. He set his teeth on her shoulder nibbling gently until she gasped, her body arching again pushing herself closer to him and he dipped his hand between her legs brushing his fingers along her folds until she bucked against him.</p>
<p>‘Niiiickkk!’ she gasped as he delved inside, circling, coaxing, swirling and sliding until she was writhing.</p>
<p>Abruptly she rolled up and over him, straddling him, her face inches from his, her hair falling in golden waves around them both. ‘I’d need a significant amount of <em>hard</em> data to extrapolate a comprehensive hypothesis’ she grinned wickedly reverting to his suggestion.</p>
<p>‘Now you're talking!’</p>
<p>‘I didn’t think you were that interested in numbers?’</p>
<p>‘I think you’re rubbing off on me, and <em>please</em> keep doing it!’ he groaned, as she undulated in his lap having teasingly positioned herself so as to apply just enough friction to have him rock hard and ready again.</p>
<p>Her mouth dropped onto his chest sucking hard on his nipple until he moaned, her lips making a popping sound as she slid off him.</p>
<p>‘Do you want me to stop?’ she asked innocently as she looked up at him through her lashes, her fingers now taunting him, running nail-scratched trails down his chest and further down his abdomen and she lifted up releasing his boy so that he was nestled upfront, rigid and erect against her, exactly where she wanted him. She idly circled his dripping tip with the pad of her index finger, her eyebrows raised mischievously waiting for his reply.</p>
<p>He gasped a ‘fuck no’ and even that was cut off as she languidly leaned forward, her tongue starting to do laps around his navel before she shuffled lower, and he knew what she was working up to, but he was still utterly unprepared for the eruption of sensations as she took him in her mouth.</p>
<p>‘Fuck Ellie!’ he groaned through gritted teeth as he felt a tremble ripple through his abdominal muscles, and he swore he could feel her lips smile as she sheathed him entirely. Instinctively his fingers combed into her hair, twisting a handful tethering himself to her as his head dropped back, hitting the bedframe in ecstasy.</p>
<p>No, ‘fucking amazing’ didn’t come close!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He didn’t know what time it was, didn’t care anyway. It was somewhere closer to dawn than it was to darkness and she lay in his arms, their heads so close they shared a pillow, both drowsy and sated and spent but not wanting to sleep, to miss a moment.</p>
<p>Being with her soothed him, quenched the restlessness he’d lived with for as long he could recall.</p>
<p>She was his home.</p>
<p>His fingertips brushed her cheek, her eyes closing in response to his caress.</p>
<p>‘I want you, for always’ he whispered with the urgency he felt. He didn’t want to push things and for a moment he considered he needed to tamp it down a notch, but then just couldn’t.</p>
<p>He wanted to be truthful to Ellie and to himself.</p>
<p>‘Heart, mind, body and soul, since the very first moment I saw you standing in the rain and every moment since. I love you Ellie’</p>
<p>Her eyes widened in the muted light. He heard her suck in a sharp breath and he waited expectantly but there was no response.</p>
<p>Instead, she rolled away from him and silently slipped out of bed, leaving him stunned, slack-jawed and solitary in her bedroom, a cannonball-sized hole of dejected panic ripping through him.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Contigo</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Yeah...um, read the tags again!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Stumbling blindly into the kitchen she fidgeted ineptly with the buttons of the shirt she’d picked up from where it had been abandoned on the floor earlier, <em>his</em> shirt, smelling of <em>him</em> and a wave of anguish hit her. Overwhelmed, she gave up trying to close it.</p>
<p>Her lungs shuddered to a stop before eventually heaving agonizingly into action again.</p>
<p>Standing at the sink she distractedly poured herself a glass of water then left it untouched on the drainboard. Instead, she reached for the still full mug of camomile tea, pouring the now-cold liquid away and mechanically rinsing the cup under the scalding tap water but the trembling in her fingers made her clumsy and she dropped it into the bowl with a loud, echoing crack of ceramic on porcelain.</p>
<p>Her hands curled into fists at the sink-edge and she angrily breathed through the tears that threatened to fall. Between the puffing and panting as she fought for control, she missed the soft footfall of Nick following her to her refuge.</p>
<p>He stood behind her, so close that the heat emanating from his body warmed her chilled skin, but she shivered all the same. He shuffled closer still and touched her hip with his tremulous fingertips, unsure maybe of her reaction or her welcome. She didn’t flinch or pull away, she just stilled. Her erratic wheezing slowed, her pulse quietened it’s pounding drumbeat as he gradually slipped his hands around, over her goose-bumped skin, his warm fingers splayed and covering her abdomen. He lingered like that, wordless and soundless but present. His thumb lightly brushed her flank in a calming rhythmic motion and her breathing levelled-off some more.</p>
<p>Eventually, she released some of the built-up tension and shuddered out a faltering sigh, her stiff shoulders dropping from around her ears.  His arms snaked around her, and he held her in a body-hugging embrace and any semblance of holding out from his touch evaporated. She wilted into him, his shirt not enough to disguise the taut muscles and bulges she was becoming intimately acquainted with.  Rocking on his bare-footed heels he swayed with her gently, her back melting into his chest and he dropped his chin onto her shoulder, his lips millimetres from her ear.</p>
<p>‘I’m sorry’ he hummed remorsefully, and she felt his breath hitch.</p>
<p>‘For what?’ she asked, bewildered by his apology.</p>
<p>‘I shouldn’t have-, just forget-, you don’t have to say it back, B’ he whispered falteringly, his breath warming her cheek, tingling her lobe. ‘I get it, it’s too soon for you-’</p>
<p>‘It’s not-,’ she closed her eyes trying the stupid ‘controlled breathing’ exercises Sloane had talked about to ground herself but his rhythmic swaying comforted and calmed her way more than any extra oxygen could. She felt cocooned by his body from her heels to her head, every surface of her yearned to be tangibly tactile with him.</p>
<p>‘It’s not too soon, Nick-,’</p>
<p>She felt the jolt of his surprise against her neck as she said that.</p>
<p>‘I just, I’m-’ she puffed out her cheeks and felt his lips brush over the angle of her jaw.</p>
<p>‘It’s ok, we’ve got time’</p>
<p>She hoped they had but her gut was telling her different.</p>
<p>The words she needed to use were simple, uncomplicated, and unambiguous but they wouldn’t come. She had other baggage, other fears she needed to explain first, however obliquely she got there. Standing at the kitchen sink, mostly naked in a <em>very</em> naked Nick’s arms, was probably not the <em>best</em> time to talk about stuff, but she had to start somewhere. The apartment was in darkness, only the bathroom light provided a little paltry illumination but the dimness and his position behind her, not looking at her or reading her with those knowing eyes of his, gave her the safe space she needed to begin.</p>
<p>‘The last few weeks, Nicole’s been so withdrawn and sad, barely talking between the hair fiasco and you leaving, then I had to send her away to Jake’s and she didn’t want to go, she thought I was punishing her. I had to <em>make</em> her go because it was a court thing and I stupidly promised her that you and I would bring her to the zoo together when you got back if she was good and just went with Jake’</p>
<p>‘We can do that Ellie, we can call her in the morning…’</p>
<p>‘I lied to her Nick, to get her to comply! What kind of mother does that? I didn’t <em>know</em> if you’d back! I’ve tortured myself every day at work, dreading every morning since you left. The first thing I’d do was check your desk. I watched it every single day, waiting, expecting your stuff to be gone when you transferred back to undercover, sick to my stomach that I’d never see you again.’ The words spilled from her, her breaths became jagged and jarring but she swallowed it all down.</p>
<p>‘You know, a guy came yesterday, started moving your things into an archive box, and I lost it, grilled him, like asked for his credentials and demanded he tell me who gave permission and where your stuff was going… He was from IT, just there to update your system, needed to access the cables but I panicked and I think Gibbs noticed, that’s why he told me you were coming back’.</p>
<p>His forehead dropped defeatedly on her shoulder ‘I’m so sorry Ellie. Leaving was...it was a stupid, immature, knee-jerk reaction that I regretted immediately. I’ll never leave you like that again, I promise’</p>
<p>‘I’m not telling you this stuff to make you feel bad Nick, I just need you to understand that I can’t <em>not</em> have you in my life again, not now’</p>
<p>‘Why? Why now?’</p>
<p><em>Why now?</em> Because she’d given herself completely to him.</p>
<p>She wasn’t a prude by any means and before things went skew-whiff with Jake they’d a relatively healthy but unimaginative physical side to their marriage. They had loved with polite affection and lived a marital life built on mutual interests and routines. Before his affair she’d thought she was happy, fulfilled, satisfied.</p>
<p>But she had never experienced the liberating, wild abandon of unbridled passion she felt with Nick. Being with him was everything that she’d ever hoped for and so much more - love, friendship, laughter, trust, passion and an amazing physical connection that made her toes curl.</p>
<p>It had taken a long time for them to find each other, but nothing had ever felt this good and she knew nothing ever would.</p>
<p>When they had tumbled into bed together earlier, she’d felt the nervous flutter in her belly and grazed the corner of her bottom lip lightly with her teeth but then he smiled that secret smile, the one he had just for her and she felt her anxiety dissipate - she didn't need to be nervous, this was <em>Nick.</em> Her fear was of <em>not</em> having him rather than of being with him.</p>
<p>Memories of the first time they had been together like this paled in comparison. She’d only wanted him physically then, didn’t know him as she did now. Him being a stranger was a wild turn-on that night, sure, they had crazy, fizzing chemistry she couldn’t explain, but <em>now</em> her whole body ignited in a body-soul-mind connection with him alone, all three at once in quantities that overwhelmed her in the most wonderful of ways.</p>
<p>He was the spark that rekindled her soul.</p>
<p>She had let go of her inhibitions, her usual reserve and she had let her natural biological instincts overthrow her educated rational mind.</p>
<p>The results were marvellously satisfying but also terrifying.</p>
<p>Her fear now was not of admitting she loved him, no, it was of him not being there for her to love.</p>
<p>‘I’ve kept you at arm’s length, pushed you away because I’m scared. I thought I can’t lose what I don’t have, right? But now...’</p>
<p>‘Now?’ he prompted softly but she could hear the tension in his tone.</p>
<p>‘Now we’re <em>in</em> this, Nick, and you said the words and I don’t want you to take them back or unsay them because I…I love you too Nick, so much, and it’ll always be you, but I’m terrified of losing you, losing this, that you’ll leave-,’</p>
<p>‘No te preocupes, mi alma. I’m not going to leave’.</p>
<p>The ‘<em>don’t worry’</em> she knew, ‘mi alma’ took a second…<em>my soul. </em></p>
<p>Her eyes closed overcome by his endearment, but she felt stinging tears welling-up behind her lids<em>,</em> ‘but you might when-,’</p>
<p>‘Nope, yo me quedo aquí, contigo, siempre,’</p>
<p>‘Nick, I need to talk to you-,’ she sobbed, her breath hitching as her panic ratcheted up again. She needed to face him, let him know that this was serious and important and …<em>defining</em> but she just couldn’t bring herself to turn around, she wasn’t ready to ruin this, she just needed a couple more minutes of him, of them…</p>
<p>‘Cálmate cariño, it can wait,’ he murmured into her ear, his chin resting on her shoulder. ‘No more tears. I love you, Ellie, nothing will ever change that’.</p>
<p>‘But-,’ he shushed her, lingering a kiss below her jaw and she surrendered.</p>
<p>‘Tomorrow B, we sit down and talk. No te preocupes’ he crooned, his words sibilant with emotion, his lips soft against the crook of her neck humming a vibrating buzz on her heated skin. Unconsciously her head fell to the side, exposing more of her neck for him to nuzzle. His mouth follows a path along her clavicle licking and nibbling under the collar of the shirt, his chin pushing the fabric away until it dropped from her shoulder revealing her back, a new canvass for him to lavish his attentions.</p>
<p>She felt his tongue trail slowly down her spine.</p>
<p>The moan that escaped her was the green light he needed.</p>
<p>Her breath caught when his hands began to stroke slowly up and down her stomach. His left hand headed north cupping her breast, tantalizingly rolling her chilled nipple while his right, his devilishly dominant hand, moved due south, his thumb circling firmly on her most sensitive pressure point while two fingers hooked inside her and her whole body quivered.</p>
<p>Bearing down to deepen his digital ministration she bowed back toward him when she felt his hardened length against her ass. With a hissing whimper of longing, her body betrayed her. She instinctively shifted a little closer to his heat, widening her stance and gripping the sink edge for support.</p>
<p>Looking back over her shoulder, her vision more accustomed to the darkness now, their eyes connected, and she gave the merest of nods as his hands came to the back of her thighs pushing her open.</p>
<p>‘Please Ni-,’ Her words got no further as Nick's lips covered hers, his tongue hungrily sliding into her mouth as his dick pushed into her core.</p>
<p>His urgency was contagious, igniting a fire in her belly, clutching at her deepest muscles. Somewhere between dreams and consciousness, she swirled up toward a gut-wrenching pinnacle. He was everywhere, demanding with each sharp thrust. Her breath caught on the verge of her orgasm so deep and complete it was nearly a cramp.</p>
<p>‘Fuck-fuck-fuck-fuck!’  the words erupted from that locked-in place within her only he could open. Her hands wrapped around the water-tap handles for leverage as she bent forward, leaned lower, pushing her ass back harder against him to take him deeper. His weight shifted up and over her as he gripped her hips so hard, she knew she’d have bruises.</p>
<p>Her breath stumbled and stopped as her vision tunnelled, she shuddered, clenching around him. He pushed faster and deeper, pounding a desperate rhythm through her. Another thrust, and thought dissolved into rhythm. Rhythm and desire for this to last forever. But it can’t because she was coming apart at the seams, earth-shattering delight pulsed through her nervous system like a lightning storm. Another wave of contractions ripped through her body, her vision whited out as he drove through her orgasm, each breath ragged and deep, chasing her pleasure with his own until his hips lurched and he comes with her name of his lips, spilling fire into her, lighting her up again before she dissolved to nothing.</p>
<p>They stayed like that, his arms bear-hugging her until the trembling stopped and the blood returned to her jellified legs. His heaving chest silhouetted her spine, the skin to skin contact reassuring. He kissed her shoulder, slowly disentangling himself from her and when she found her feet again she turned around to a sheepish-looking Nick.</p>
<p>‘Well, that was unexpected’ she smirked groaning as she righted her over-stretched and strained muscles.</p>
<p>‘Sorry, I didn’t-,’he fretted, reading her body language wrong maybe.</p>
<p>‘Don’t ever apologise for any <em>that</em> Nick, no regrets!’ she sighed contentedly, curling her arms around his waist then pinching his butt wickedly. ‘Though I may never be able to wash even a teaspoon at this sink again without blushing!’ He spluttered out a surprisingly bashful laugh.</p>
<p>‘God, I love you’ he chuckled trailing kisses up her jaw until he found her mouth. His carefree words were like a balm to her aching soul.</p>
<p>Involuntarily her body shivered, and he chaffed her shoulder blades with his palms,</p>
<p>‘You’re getting cold, I gotta warm you up’.</p>
<p>‘I think you just tried that’ she laughed wryly knowing it was from the drop in adrenaline rather than the pre-dawn temperature but she pressed herself to his chest anyway.</p>
<p>‘Then we’ll try cuddling up under the duvet, almost as nice’</p>
<p>‘Almost but not quite’ she purred archly placing a lingering kiss on his sternum.</p>
<p>‘You're insatiable, and I love it and I love you, but I need sleep!’ he yawned his head dropping onto her shoulder with less amorous intent.</p>
<p>‘I love you too Nick’. The words came easier now, she had broken the dam holding her back from her feelings  ‘Come on, bed’</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ellie woke up to movement and streaming sunlight. The blankets shifted around her, a pillow moved, but before she could voice her complaint at the disruption, a very hard dick thumped her thigh, grinding up against her. She rolled to her back and Nick moved over her, hitching her leg up, riding up into her with a groan of pleasure in her neck. He pumped flush to her, hard enough to make her gasp with combined surprise and thrill. She pulled both knees up to take him deeper, humming her enjoyment. His rhythm was quick, his demanding thrusts sought release with every deepening grind of the untamed need.</p>
<p>His musky scent mixed with her own, the salty taste of the damp heat of his skin, and she was there, right on the brink. She held still, just revelling in the overwhelming sensation of him inside her, hitting that exact spot exactly right. His hips flexed up and she opened her mouth in a silent scream against his shoulder as he fell into the chasm with her. They’d already disturbed her neighbour quite enough without added howling; getting her headboard fixed to stop it banging against the wall was on the top of her to-do list.</p>
<p>They lay sprawled across each other, breath and hearts gradually slowing to normal, muscles unwinding, perspiration evaporating off dewy skin. She trailed a hand from the nape of his neck, down his spine, to the curve of his butt and the corner of his mouth lifted into a smile.</p>
<p>‘Bishop! Are you trying to kill me?’ he groaned, wincing as he adjusted himself.</p>
<p>‘Huh? You started that, Torres!’</p>
<p>‘Come on, you’re criminally gorgeous in the morning and you were teasing me with your body’</p>
<p>‘Um, I was asleep’ she pointed out airily, stretching her arms over her head decadently.</p>
<p>‘Exactly, but now you're awake and even more beautiful’. He kissed the curved underside of her breast, sighing morosely as he shook his head with theatrical sadness, ‘Yup, you’ll be the death of me’ </p>
<p>The subsequent making-out was heavenly; slow and languorous, loving and seductive.</p>
<p>‘I could get used to this,’ she observed sleepily, relishing the thought that her weekend chore schedule had been mentally shredded.</p>
<p>‘Mmhmm…’ Nick hummed dreamily while his hand stroked up her inside leg. ‘Me too, and we will’</p>
<p>‘You're staying all day’ it was more of a statement than a question, maybe even a demand. She giggled as he lifted her leg over his thigh and drew her body against his.</p>
<p>‘All day,’ he assured her and brought his hand up to her breast, teasing the nipple firmly between his fingers.</p>
<p>‘Mmmm, Nick…" she smiled and raising her head to kiss him, her tongue sliding into his mouth lazily.</p>
<p>Nick's hips pulled back a little and then she gasped when he thrust forward, and she felt his hardness push between her legs.</p>
<p>‘Nick…!’ she groaned, already delightfully stretched and sore and super-sensitive from all their recent activities. She curved against him as he shifted down a little then drove up and pushed inside her further. ‘God!’ she breathed and opened her eyes for the first time in a while.</p>
<p>‘Okay?’ he asked his face flashed with concern.</p>
<p>‘<em>Mmm-</em>mazing…don’t stop’ she replied with a smile and angled her neck to encourage his lips against her throat.</p>
<p>He moved slowly, cautiously even, probably anxious that he might cause her discomfort regardless of how much she wanted it. She was busily allaying his fears with her tongue when her phone rang, the ringtone she instantly recognised as assigned to just one person.</p>
<p>She groaned for an entirely different reason, deciding to ignore the call.</p>
<p>When it rang for a second time, she growled.</p>
<p>‘I really have to, um…get that’ she panted distractedly, feeling the familiar crescendo building and not wanting to derail her one-way ticket to Blissville.</p>
<p>As Nick smirked, decelerating his thrusts to a torturous torment that had her eyes rolling in her head, she clumsily grabbed her phone off the locker and pressed the green icon.</p>
<p>‘What do you want Jake?’ she managed, biting down on her lip as Nick pulled out of her inch by achingly enjoyable inch before sinking into her leisurely again.</p>
<p>‘Ellie?’ his tone stopped her in her tracks. ‘Something’s happened, Coco um…’</p>
<p>She pressed her palm into Nick’s chest and shook her head and he stilled.</p>
<p>‘What Jake, what’s wrong with her?’</p>
<p>‘Ellie, she’s missing’</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Yo me quedo aquí, contigo, siempre: I'm staying here, with you, always.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Ground rules</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>‘We’ll find her Ellie, she’ll be ok’</p><p>It was a paltry effort to reassure himself as much as Ellie. He knew if anything happened to Nicole, he would lose them both, Ellie would never recover.</p><p>And he would be destroyed too.</p><p>She didn’t even answer, she just scoured the sidewalks with desperate, tear-filled eyes as they drove at speed towards Jake’s Georgetown townhouse.</p><p>It had been less than twenty minutes since that awful call and he still felt sick, sweat prickled his body, soaking his tee as his pulse jackhammered in his throat.</p><p>Nicole was missing over two hours and the prick had only condescended to call Ellie when Metro PD advised it was warranted because the initial local search had turned up nothing.</p><p>He’d never get over the absolute terror on Ellie’s face getting that call.</p><p>‘What do you mean she’s <em>missing</em>, Jake?’ A sense of dread had clutched his stomach muscles, he’d rolled off her and she’d sat up bolt upright in the bed, putting her phone on speaker.</p><p>‘I mean missing, as in we can’t find her, Ellie,’ he snarled caustically, ‘I found the front door open, I checked her room and she was gone, that’s all I know!’</p><p>‘Was she… taken?’ she asked falteringly, her eyes scrunching shut, even the notion every parent’s worst nightmare, right? He didn’t want to be the one to bring up that possibility, but the thought had been bubbling to the surface in his mind, Ellie's too evidently.</p><p>‘<em>What</em>? Why would she-?’</p><p>‘Jake, you work for NSA, I work for NCIS, we both have a lot of enemies! Terrorists, mobsters, people with grudges- think!’ she snapped before her analytical mind started going through the investigative process.</p><p>‘Was there evidence of a break-in, a forced lock, have you been followed recently, any personal threats?’</p><p>‘What the fuck Ellie, <em>paranoid </em>much! No, nothing like that! She probably ran away or something’.</p><p>‘Why? Why would she run away?’</p><p>‘I don’t know, she’s a kid!’ Jake threw back shrilly. ‘All kids run away at some point!’ he'd added lamely, his glibness escalating the already heated conversation to an all-out slinging match.</p><p>He'd signalled the cut-off motion across his neck, tapping his watch to indicate the wasting of precious time. With a sharp nod, she coldly told Jake she was on her way to his and wanted to talk to the police herself before abruptly hanging up. </p><p>In those twenty minutes since the call, they had scrambled out of bed, dressed, and dashed to his NCIS pool car he’d driven back from Wilmington. With its ‘blues and twos’ they cleared a path across town, sending out a 911 to the team on the way. He had to keep it together, keep his head in the game. It wouldn’t do Nicole or Ellie any favours if he had a meltdown, but his body pulsed with nervous tension, his palms slickening with sweat as he looked at the clock on the dash again.</p><p>Two hours, now almost two and a half, too long!</p><p>His years undercover had embroiled him in some truly horrific cases, the kind of ones that showed him the worst of people and their depravities. He knew what happened to missing kids, how they were exploited, trafficked…killed.</p><p>He pulled his thoughts out of the mire, there was no time for dwelling on the stuff of his nightmares now.</p><p>Time was not on their side; he knew it and so did she.</p><p>By unspoken agreement <em>he</em> had stayed silent during her call with her ex, knowing his presence, his input would only inflame an already volatile situation.</p><p>He replayed every word Jake had uttered trying to glean anything, however subtle, however small, from the limited details he had given.</p><p>Jake was so sure she hadn’t been taken, why?</p><p>Something was off.</p><p>He did sound genuinely distressed, but the dickhead was defensive, evasive, vague even, not just panicked.</p><p>And he definitely didn’t like Ellie's meticulous questioning.</p><p>She had rung him back once they were in the car and grilled him for more detailed information; a description of exactly Nicole was wearing seemed logical but asking was her unicorn backpack still there, was Cornelius gone drew a heated response.</p><p>‘Why ask about that?’ Jake had bit back, baffled and annoyed, clearly only making his way into Nicole’s bedroom to check now.</p><p>‘Because there a kiddie GPS tracker in the pom-pom keychain on the bag Jake! And she wouldn’t go anywhere without her teddy!’</p><p>‘I didn’t know about the GPS, did I? It might have been <em>useful</em> Ellie-,’ he reprimanded her, and he could imagine the condescending sneer on the fucker’s face as he chided Ellie again.</p><p>Who the fuck did he think he is?</p><p>He rolled his shoulders, popping a crack in his neck, in a futile effort to discharge his building fury.</p><p>‘Are they gone Jake!’ she snapped angrily, ignoring his smart-mouthed vitriol.</p><p>‘No, they are both here, on her bed. The teddy is tucked into that mermaid-tail blanket thing she loves.’</p><p>Nick’s breath faltered; his grip increased exponentially on the wheel as he battened down his emotion remembering her childlike delight at his birthday gift to her only a few weeks ago.</p><p>Jake clammed up when she resumed questioning him about what exactly had happened that morning; her demand for a minute-by-minute account was met with more defensive snapping and snarling trying to diffuse and deflect the blame.</p><p>Something was definitely off and if his fist needed to have a long conversation with Jake’s face to figure out what, well then, so be it!</p><p>The whole team was on it, Kasie and McGee running through the local traffic cam footage, Gibbs making calls that would probably result in his Marine Corp boots up some asses as favours and threats were called in. He didn't want to think about Sloane and Jimmy doing the rounds of calling the hospitals.</p><p>‘B, what did you tell her to do if she got lost?’ he asked finally free to talk to her now Jake was off the phone, attempting to keep her grounded, together and not flying apart with facts, details and specifics.</p><p>‘What?’</p><p>‘Come on, think about it! She’s a rules-based kid, like the password code thing and the opening the door in an emergency rule. She sticks to the letter of your safety laws, so what did you tell her to do if she wandered off or got lost?’</p><p>Ellie blinked, puffing out her cheeks as she listed them out. ‘Go to a lady with a baby stroller, or with little kids, or a shop with the child-safe sticker in the window, or-or-,’ her breath caught, ‘Nick, those rules were for if it happened in the supermarket or the mall not for outside! She’s only <em>six</em>, and she's alone and scared, she could be <em>anywhere</em>! She’s never been out on her own, or crossed a street by herself, she doesn’t even know our address, my phone number…’ she was spiralling now, her breaths coming in short panting wheezes that only increased her panic.</p><p>‘She’s a smart kid Ellie, smart like her mom. She'll be ok.’ He reached over and squeezed her balled-up fist, but he knew there was nothing tangible he could do to help her. Nothing would fix this until they had Nicole back, safe and sound.</p><p>They were just a couple of blocks from Jake’s when Gibbs called, his blunt voice loud over the internal handsfree speakers as soon as he accepted it.</p><p>‘Bishop she’s ok, she’s been found!’ he opened without preamble.</p><p>‘What, where? Is she ok?’ they both blurted in a tumble of words.</p><p>‘She’s fine, found in a bookstore, <em>The Book Nook</em>, it’s a basement place near the corner of Prospect and Bank Alley’</p><p>The car screeched as he hit the brakes, burning rubber as he took a corner changing their direction towards the new location.</p><p>‘Is it definitely her, Gibbs’ Ellie's voice trembled, her tone still heightened with stress.</p><p>‘Yeah, it’s Coco alright, she got the staff to call NCIS, told them to ask for Grumpa Gibbs’ he chuckled out, clearly relieved, knowing in cases like this it could have gone a whole world of bad.</p><p>Muttering prayers of thanks, he reflexively blessed himself. ‘We’re five minutes away’ he heaved out clearing his throat roughly.</p><p>‘Same, see you there’ Gibbs replied cutting off the call abruptly like he usually did.</p><p>He glanced over at the passenger seat, keeping one eye on the congested street ahead. Ellie's shoulders shook with silent sobs her face hidden by her hands as relief overwhelmed her.</p><p>‘B, she’s ok, just breathe ok, we’re almost there’ to which she nodded a silent acknowledgement.</p><p>Nicole was ok but needing to see it for himself, he still stepped on the gas, silently cursing the plethora of Saturday morning, nothing-better-to-do drivers hogging the leafy, narrow street swamped with art galleries, artisan bakeries and pretentious bistros in this upmarket, historic neighbourhood.</p><p>He all but abandoned the car half-ways up on the curb of the fortunately quiet intersection but still, they got prim, affronted looks from the Birkenstock-clad pedestrians, strolling by with their hipster coffees, organic pastries, designer prams and pedigree pugs.</p><p>They burst into the quiet store like they were on a raid, Ellie making a beeline for the desk.</p><p>‘Coco?! Baby?!’ she bellowed, casing the entire establishment in a swift, surveying glance.</p><p>‘Momma!’</p><p>His heart bounced with relief as the little girl burst out from behind the counter and she hurled herself into Ellie’s open arms and burying herself in her chest.</p><p>‘Are you ok?’ Ellie cried tears running freely down her face, as she anxiously frisked her daughter before crushing her in a hug, ‘Oh my god Coco, I’ve been so worried!’</p><p>In that moment Ellie's arms squeezed a fraction tighter and Nicole breathed more slowly, her body melting into her mom's as every muscle lost its tension the two of them, bundled up and rocking together both humming in complete contentment.</p><p>Tears stung his eyes as he looked on. This was life, real life, and it was everything he ever wanted.</p><p>Eventually, Ellie pulled her back to look at her, running her fingers through the kid's wildly tousled hair and hissed as she caught sight of her forehead.</p><p>‘What happened to your face?’ Nicole winced as her shaking fingers gently probed her scuffed eyebrow, the graze puffy and swollen, a bluish bruise spreading under her sallow skin. ‘Coco?’</p><p>She hid her face into the crook of her mom’s neck and started sobbing again. A mousy older lady, the bookstore owner perhaps, coughed politely as she came over.</p><p>‘Hello, I’m Elouise Hanway,’ she greeted them holding out her hand which he shook, Ellie and Nicole still a tangled mess of arms. ‘She wandered in from the street about a half hour ago and I waited for a while, expecting a parent to come in after her, but nobody did, so I knew something was wrong. I called the police, they said they’d send someone. I let her pick a book and tried to get her talking but she said she wasn’t allowed to talk to strangers. She wouldn’t tell me <em>her</em> name, so I asked about a grown-up I could call. All she said was her Grumpa Gibbs was the boss of NCIS, so I rang there next and the front desk seemed to know a Gibbs straight away’</p><p>He bet they did!</p><p>Ellie had stood up now, a sniffy Nicole balanced on her hip snuggling into her chest. ‘Thank you so much for taking care of her’ she murmured, wiping her face of tears and using her sleeve to pat dry Nicole’s damp cheek</p><p>‘It’s no problem, I’m just glad she’s ok and she can keep the book’ she beamed passing a blue glittery hardback to him.</p><p>He smiled taking in that it was another story about mermaids. ‘Thank you, ma’am’,</p><p>At his voice, Nicole’s head popped up like she had just realised he was there.</p><p>‘<em>Nick!</em> You're back!’ she squealed excitedly before her face dropped into a gloomy frown. ‘Are you still in trouble?’</p><p>‘Sweetie, Nick wasn’t in trouble, he just had to go work a case, that’s all’ Ellie explained kissing the little girl for like the hundredth time.</p><p>‘But you’re going away again, huh?’ she sniffled dolefully.</p><p>‘Nope, I’m staying with you guys, Chiquita’ he rubbed her clammy head, she looked more babyish with her short, bobbed hair, all crazy with bouncy curls. ‘How did you hurt yourself, niña?’ he asked pushing a stray tendril off her forehead, taking a closer look at the abrasion, ‘did you fall over?’</p><p>She shook her head vehemently.</p><p>‘Did someone hurt you?’ he asked delicately, and her flinch was enough to send his pulse rocketing again.</p><p>‘I don’t like pink fish’ she muttered and started crying again.</p><p>He looked at Ellie in confusion, but it was clear she had no idea what the kid was talking about either.</p><p>‘We can talk about it later baby, ok?’ she hummed circling her palm on her shuddering back and Nicole nodded and buried her face into her mom’s chest, thumb going straight in her mouth.</p><p>Waving a grateful farewell to the shopkeeper they went outside, retreating off the main street to the quiet respite of the pretty residential laneway running alongside the store, basking in the warm midmorning sun, crisis averted, Nicole was safe and ok, the bump to her forehead was superficial. Standing close Ellie’s head dropped in exhaustion, he felt her body sag, her muscles becoming loose. Her face pressed into his shoulder and he dropped a kiss on her hair, combing his fingers through the tangled mess as he wrapped his arms around them both cherishing the feeling as Ellie's arm snaked around his waist pulling him closer.</p><p>‘Family sandwich!’ Nicole giggled exuberantly and Ellie raised her eyebrows smiling sheepishly at him, a welcome rosiness warming her pallid cheeks. Heavy footfall announced the arrival of back-up so reluctantly he stepped back from their group-hug, shoving his hands into his jeans pockets and turned to face Gibbs wondering how much of all that he’d seen.</p><p>Their boss said nothing however, his eyes scanned over the little girl, no doubt checking for damage, the only outward sign of his concern was his usual ‘on the job’ grimace before a warm smile supplanted it as he promptly dropped a kiss on Nicole’s head and one on Ellie’s temple.</p><p>As the three chatted, Nick told them he wanted to move the car to the bookshop carpark so as not to block traffic unnecessarily, a plausible pretext. Once alone, the car parked in the small, rear lot, he crossed his arms on the wheel and rested his forehead on them and just took a moment. He drew deep, harsh breaths, tamping back down all the horrible memories the last hour had dredged up, all the screams and cries and the tear-soaked, terrified, innocent faces from cases long closed but forever open in his mind.</p><p>That darkness was his burden, his alone, knowing he could have done more, saved more...</p><p>But <em>Nicole</em> was ok, and he had to hold on to that.</p><p>He was just rounding the corner to re-join Ellie, Gibbs and now McGee and Sloane were there too. Nicole was finally starting to calm, enjoying the attention maybe, when a flashy silver BMW pulled up and Jake jumped out and rushed over.</p><p>Nicole immediately squirmed, twisting her body away clinging even closer to her mom, that response alone had his hackles up and a red flag waving.</p><p>‘Send him away, Momma, he’ll hurt me again!’ she yowled, hiding her face.</p><p>‘What do you mean?’ Ellie asked in a strangled voice, her body rigidly alert with the words, her arms circling Nicole even tighter as she glared at Jake for an explanation.</p><p>‘Coco, sweetie-,’ Jake stammered apprehensively moving towards her, his hand outstretched, but Nicole squeaked and Ellie turned away, trying to balance the fidgeting child on her hip while holding her hand up to block his.</p><p>‘He said I had to eat the pink fish!’  Nicole grumbled nervously.</p><p>‘<em>Salmon</em> honey, it’s good for you’ he explained with nervous glances towards the increasingly suspicious audience.</p><p>‘But I said I didn’t like it and then I had to sit there until I did- but it got dark and I fell asleep and this morning, he gave me the<em> same </em>pink fish!’</p><p>‘I was just teaching her-,’</p><p>‘Shut up Jake!’ she spat furiously before turning back to the child. ‘What happened then baby?’ she crooned, swaying slightly and caressing her cheek to calm and reassure her.</p><p>‘And then I said I wanted to go home and that I want Nick to be my new daddy because I don’t like <em>him</em>’ she pointed savagely at Jake. 'I was just looking at my scrapbook, then he got mad at me and ripped up my photos and shouted and he-he <em>smashed</em> my camera on the floor!' she hiccuped a sob, clearly distraught and flicking fearful sideways glances at Molloy.</p><p>'The camera was an accident! She was just worked up, look, it wasn’t like-,’</p><p>'It's ok baby, just tell me, ok?' Ellie coaxed her, ignoring his bogus excuses.</p><p>He glared ominously at the asshole barely keeping his temper stoppered, his teeth gritted, animosity burning up his throat, his hands instinctively rolling into clenched fists, and Jake, who was already actively trying to crawl up his own ass as the crowd became intimidatingly hostile, visibly flinched.  </p><p>‘So I ran away from mean daddy, but he grabbed me, see?’ she extended her arm, pulling up her sleeve where a handprint of indented purple bruises blemished her skin ‘and then he hit me, and I banged my head on the table …’</p><p>Something primitive detonated in his brain.</p><p>He didn’t even know he’d crossed the pathway closing the gap between them. He heard a murderous growl erupt from somewhere deep in his chest and a blink later Jake was suspended a foot or more off the ground, his scrawny throat in his own iron-hard grip. He absolutely heard his idiot skull bounce against a solid garage door he held him up against, a sound so satisfying he did it again, the echo of the thumps louder than Jake’s spluttered choking. The speed of his ferocious attack had startled everyone, he heard voices barking his name, but it was all background noise, like the buzzing of static between radio stations.</p><p>He continued to tighten his grip, his fingertips digging into fleshiness, watching as real terror replaced surprise on Jake’s face as the realisation dawned that he might just rip his throat out barehanded. The blinding white light of rage dulled everything other than the sight of the dickhead’s petrified puce face, spittle dripping from his greying lips and sound of the frenzied drumming as his heels kicked the wood panels behind him.</p><p>But it was her soft voice that called him back and stilled his 'Hulk smash' default mode.</p><p>‘Nick?’ he felt her gentle steady hand on his forearm, her touch recognisable even through his taut, straining sinews. His eyes pulled away from his obnoxious target and darted to hers, ‘Nick, I need you to take the baby’</p><p>He flicked his eyes downwards and saw Nicole was now standing beside her mom, holding her hand.</p><p>Ellie's total focus was on him, calmly talking him down.</p><p>‘I need you to look after Nicole, she needs you, she trusts you, Nick’.</p><p>He managed a nod, released his death grip and stood back letting Jake collapse on to the concrete. </p><p>Nick felt tiny fingers worming their way into his hand and instantly his temper dissipated as Nicole smiled at him, seemingly oblivious to the coughing and spluttering dude slumped on the ground.</p><p>He gave her a quick check over to make sure he hadn’t frightened her his aggressive display, but she just held up her arms to be lifted and when he did, she clung to him, roping her arms around his neck.</p><p>‘You ok?’ he asked, his voice a little shaky.</p><p>‘I’m <em>really</em> hungry’ she chirped like nothing was happening.</p><p>‘Nick, can get her something to eat please and maybe sit with her in the car for a few minutes?’ Ellie asked, kissing Nicole fondly on the forehead, her hand lingeringly on his own, the gesture hidden from view.</p><p>‘Yeah, I can do that’ he swallowed, and her fingers squeezed his thumb in private thanks.</p><p>‘Can I have a chocolate chip muffin?’ Nicole asked brightly, clearly chancing her arm, '<em>and</em> a banana smoothie please, I'm so hungry!' </p><p>‘Sure thing, chiquita’ he smiled indulgently, damn sure she deserved a treat.</p><p>Jake was hauling himself up, fury written all over his face, spluttered verbal objections and protests clearly his next move.</p><p>He considered handing Nicole back to McGee who, along with Gibbs, was flanking Ellie just so he could take a swing at him but he didn’t need to. Ellie bobbed her head at him, indicating he should take Nicole and leave before she personally dealt with Molloy. </p><p>He eye-balled the jerk, swallowing down his need to protect and defend her as Ellie stood in front of her ex, her pale face expressionless, her eyes cold as ice.</p><p>Calmly she pulled her service weapon from her hip holster, aiming it straight at Jake’s head.</p><p>‘You hurt my child’ she growled, her voice low and dangerous.</p><p>Hoisting a chattering Nicole higher on his hip, he heard the metallic click of Ellie taking the safety off as he walked away.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hope you all enjoyed this penultimate chapter! Thanks for all the fantabulous feedback, commentary and enthusiasm for this fic! It's so encouraging (but also squirmy terrifying) to know people are reading what I write and share their thoughts! You are all amazingly sweet!!<br/>Hope to have the ending posted really soon folks, cheers!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Gobsmacked</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry I'm so delayed posting this last chapter, busy week!!!<br/>Hope you all like it! I know there's a lot of very invested readers of this fic lol, Eeeek, no pressure!!<br/>See notes at the end!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>‘You're not going to shoot me’ Jake sighed, shaking his head dismissively.</p><p>When she didn’t answer he tried that supercilious glare that screamed middle-class, private school, old money privilege.</p><p>As a small-town country girl, a rookie NSA analyst more than a little overwhelmed in DC, Jake had been someone who initially took her under his wing, helped her to settle in and negotiate her way around the inner workings of the government agency they both worked at. He’d been sweet and kind and attentive. She naively fell in love with him, dazzled by his confidence, his sophistication but the signs were always there.</p><p>She should have paid more attention to how he treated others, the people he perceived as ‘lesser’ because of their jobs, or their status, or their relative usefulness to him.</p><p>They had gotten that arrogant look, that haughty glare.</p><p>And now he turned it on her. He believed she was beneath him, that he somehow outranked her, that he could bully her into submission...</p><p>No more, she was done.</p><p>‘You're not going to shoot me, Ellie’</p><p>‘I wouldn’t be so sure Molloy’, Gibbs cracked his jaw ominously. ‘and it’s hardly a reprieve, there’s a line forming’ he thumbed over his shoulder to a visibly belligerent McGee and Sloane.</p><p>Wilting under the boss’s icy glare, he switched his attention back to her.</p><p>‘You're being ridiculous’ he scoffed, still massaging his throat, his usually pasty skin already discoloured in a kaleidoscope of purple and blue bruises.</p><p>She widened her stance, firmly adjusting her grip on her pistol, putting her shoulder into position for the kickback.</p><p>‘Be a bastard to me all you want but to Coco? No <em>fucking</em> way’ she growled the word, her tone unequivocal. She so rarely cursed it had the desired effect and he flinched back suddenly taking her a lot more seriously.</p><p>He licked his lips nervously, raising his hands placatingly.</p><p>‘Gibbs tell her she’s out of line’ he appealed tersely, hoping Gibbs would pull rank on her or side with him maybe; Jake was a firm believer in ‘man to man’ agreements and crony handshakes. For a second she thought he’d give her a dressing-down in front of Jake and mentally prepared for the gloating.</p><p>‘Reap what you sow, Molloy’ Gibbs shrugged nonchalantly and gave her the merest glint of a perceptive smile. She could only blame her fraught nerves for ever doubting that he’d have her back.</p><p>‘Boss, can you um, give us a minute?’ she asked without taking her eyes off her ex.</p><p>‘Rule 14 Bishop’. Gibbs narrowed his eyes the tiniest amount, turning the cryptic remark into a question that she understood perfectly and that she answered with an equally tiny nod. </p><p>‘Absolutely’ she assured him resolutely, adding, ‘just some Rule 16’ and he smirked in understanding. Jake’s pale-blue eyes darted between them, clearly irritated at being out of the loop on Gibbs’s Rules and that the older man was patently ignoring him.</p><p>‘I think I’ll go get a coffee’, Gibbs muttered. ‘Plausible deniability’ he added, deliberately turning his back, leaving them to it.</p><p>‘Gibbs!’ Jake urgently shouted after him as he strode away to join the others at the mouth of the laneway, out of earshot and ‘plausibly’ far enough away to be unreliable witnesses. He blanched, swallowing roughly as that fact hit him.</p><p>She had his full and undivided attention now.</p><p>‘I never wanted to do this Jake. You're her daddy, since the day she was born and she loves-, <em>loved</em> you, but you give me no choice. It ends today’.</p><p>‘You’re not going to shoot me’ he repeated but his voice was shaky now, not quite so sure of himself.</p><p><em>Good</em>!</p><p>‘You're right’ she sighed regretfully, holstering her weapon, ‘but you’ll <em>wish</em> I had’.</p><p>‘What, you going to call your Neanderthal back to hit me?’ he scoffed, his shoulders dropping as he relaxed, the threat level dissipating. She had to follow through now or he’d always have the upper hand.</p><p>‘Nope, I don’t need to him to hurt you, and, no, I'm not going to crash my career to punish you either’ she took a deep shuddering breath trying to steady herself, knowing it was now or never.</p><p>‘I’m reporting you to the Metro PD for assaulting a child, physical abuse of a minor, that’s a federal charge, a felony, and even if you don’t get a custodial sentence-,’</p><p>‘I’ll get disbarred!’</p><p>‘Yes,’ she jutted her chin, vexed he cared more about the damage to his career than to Coco. ‘Unless…’</p><p>‘Unless what?’ he bit out savagely not liking her confident tone at all.</p><p>‘You sign the papers I’ll have my lawyer send to you’</p><p>She’d decided weeks ago that this was the road she was going to take, it’d be hard, messy and a battle but now, ironically, his attack on Coco gave her some unexpected leverage.</p><p>‘You're not getting a dime! The Court already set the child support sum and <em>you</em> didn’t want alimony-,’</p><p>‘This is nothing to do with money!’ she barked, interrupting his rant, ‘you will sign the papers Jake, agreeing to retract <em>all</em> custody applications and to remove you as her father on her birth certificate’.</p><p>She was met with silence, his lips pressed into a thin white line with temper, but she persevered.</p><p>‘I’ll get a DNA test to prove-,’</p><p>‘I already did one’ he muttered insipidly, nervously adjusting his glasses. </p><p>‘You did <em>what</em>?  Without <em>my</em> permission!’ she railed, shocked to her core. ‘When?’</p><p>‘Two years ago, after the BBQ at my cousin’s place. I just sent them her toothbrush and $100 and <em>voila</em>, I’m not the daddy’ he shrugged as blasé as anything.</p><p>Her breath stuck painfully in her lungs and words froze on her tongue.</p><p>‘Two <em>years</em> but-you-,’ she stuttered still trying to get her head around it. ‘Why didn’t you say anything? Why fight me in court? If you knew for so long why now, why be so horrible to her <em>now</em>?’</p><p>‘The results didn’t matter, then’. Unconsciously maybe he glanced towards the corner Nick had turned.</p><p>‘So, it’s because I started to go out with someone? Is that what you’re telling me!’ she hissed incredulously.</p><p>‘Not ‘someone’ Ellie, <em>him</em>!’ he bellowed back. ‘I’m not blind, look at her, she’s <em>nothing</em> like me. The older she gets the more apparent it is! But <em>him</em>? She talks about <em>him</em> non-stop, her camera full of photos of the three of you, and you and him canoodling, rubbing my nose in it!’ His eyes flashed with fury and he took a stride closer to her, closing the distance but she stood her ground, refusing to be intimidated.</p><p>‘So, you're <em>jealous</em>? Is that it?’</p><p>‘I thought she was the only child I’d ever have Ellie, and you took that away from me!’</p><p>‘<em>Me</em>? I didn’t do a thing, Jake, this is on you!’</p><p>‘My family, my friends and colleagues; I couldn’t, I <em>can’t</em> tell them that I was conned, that she’s not even mine! What kind of an idiot would I look!’</p><p>‘What, so you’re so worried about your <em>reputation</em> you harmed a six-year-old?! What do you think they’ll say about that?’ her voice dripped his acerbic venom and he flinched finally realizing the likely fallout of his vicious outburst.</p><p>‘I … Jenna and I are happy, <em>we</em> weren’t Ellie. We could’ve been but for years you’ve looked at me with disappointment in your eyes…and now I know it’s because I wasn’t him. But every time you looked at <em>her</em> you saw him, didn’t you?’</p><p>‘No Jake, you’re wrong. I gave us everything I had but you took far more than you gave. Outshining you was a capital offence. You can make me the villain if that makes you feel better. I don’t care anymore’.</p><p>‘You resented me, resented being lumbered with my injuries, ‘in sickness and in health’ didn’t last long with you, did it, Ellie!’</p><p>‘May I remind you; your accident happened because you were getting a blowjob at 80 miles an hour on the I-95!’</p><p>‘While you were <em>fucking</em> him! I <em>know</em> Ellie, you weren’t home, you were missing for hours that night, nobody could contact you, and now I’m meant to believe it hasn’t been going on for years, hooking up every time he was in town. Oh, it’s so clear now, you were so adamant you wanted to call her ‘Nicole’’.</p><p>She felt her face redden unable to deny he was right, she’d chosen that name to remind herself of Nick and those hours they shared but as years passed, always missing him, she’d found that ‘Coco’ was easier, less of a daily reminder of all she’d compromised on.</p><p>She wished she<em> had</em> been with Nick during the intervening years!</p><p>‘Own your shit, Jake! You were having an affair for over a year! Yes, I was with Nick that night, a once-off random thing, like I told you- I never lied about it. When you came-to in the hospital we talked, for once we were both honest!’</p><p>He scoffed at that, but he couldn’t deny the veracity because it was true. That’s how she knew how long he’d been seeing Taylor; he’d told her all about it as part of their clean-slate, start-over attempt.</p><p>‘I told you that you might not be the father. <em>We</em> decided to rewrite the past, <em>we</em> decided you were her dad, you wanted that privilege, <em>begged</em> for it! You said you didn’t want a test back then; ‘biology be damned’ you said!’</p><p>They were toe-to-toe now, spitting venom and hurling old hurts at each other, saying everything they should have said when they split up, but she didn’t have the strength then.</p><p>She did now.</p><p>‘I never lied to you, just to myself! For years I’ve brainwashed and conditioned myself that you’re her dad, no matter the cost to me because it was the right thing for her. Even when we split I never, not once, questioned the fact that you were her dad! I kept up my side of the bargain while you festered with jealousy! But it ends now, you’re not good for her, your hatred of me is hurting her, emotionally, psychologically, and today you actually hurt her, your baby girl who adores you’</p><p>She saw the sting as her words cut across him like the lash of a whip and for a moment she thought there might be something left of the decent man she once knew.</p><p>‘You need help, Jake. I hope for Jenna’s sake you get it before the baby is born. Right now, I’m protecting <em>my</em> child’.</p><p>His muted remorse instantly evaporated. ‘Don’t play the martyred mother Ellie! You discipline her too!’</p><p>‘<em>Discipline</em>!?’ her head jerked back in a double-take, ‘Don’t you <em>dare</em> judge me by your own standards Jake!’</p><p>Her breath came out in an angry snort as she bit back her blazing temper. ‘Enough, we’re done here. Papers will be served tomorrow, sign them’.</p><p>She had him on the ropes, but his sneer said he still had something in reserve.</p><p>‘So how did the illustrious Nick take it? Did you tell him while you were fucking him, to um, soften the blow?’ he sniggered at his own crude innuendo. She resolutely clamped her mouth shut, determined not to give him anything… but he knew her too well.</p><p>Jake read the guilt on her face and crowed in triumph.</p><p>‘You haven’t told him yet, have you?’ he chortled maliciously.</p><p>‘That’s none of your concern’ Her fists were clenched so tight she could feel her nails, short as they were, almost draw blood on her palms.</p><p>‘Oh sweetie’ he hummed in his most patronising tone, ‘a quirk of Maryland law says you can only <em>amend </em>a paternal entry on the register, you can’t terminate my rights or delete me…<em>unless</em> you add her biological father. <em>He</em> has to agree, full disclosure’.</p><p>‘I-, um-,’ she stammered, knowing he was probably correct, he was a lawyer after all, and her bravado crumbled as her plan lay in tatters.</p><p>‘I’ll tell him in my own time, it’s none of your business!’</p><p>‘But you haven’t yet? Afraid of his response, huh?’</p><p>‘No, he loves Nicole! He’ll be thrilled to be her father because he’s a good man’</p><p>She hoped so anyway but she doubted he’d still love her once he found out.</p><p>She’d run through every permutation of ‘telling’ Nick, mulling over combinations of words and outcomes had kept her awake too many nights. It never seemed to be the right time for an announcement like that, too much time had passed and yet it was never enough. She’d really tried to tell him the night before, she should’ve persevered, but she was selfish, too wrapped up in her owns needs.</p><p>‘Let’s test your theory’. Jake shifted his attention over her shoulder. She instantly just knew Nick was there, close enough that she could feel his body heat radiating into her back.</p><p>‘You hear all that Torres, or shall I reiterate the pertinent bits?’</p><p><em>No, no, no! Not like this</em>!</p><p>‘Jake no, please-,’ she hated herself for begging him but having stymied her last decade he was about to ruin the rest of her life too.</p><p>This would finish them before they even began.</p><p>She braced herself, preparing for the impact of his taunting words. She should’ve just shot him, the consequences would be less than losing Nick.</p><p>‘So, how does it feel Torres, to be the new chump?’</p><p>Out of nowhere, Nick’s hand interlaced with hers, and he was beside her, turning his shoulder into her protectively, partially blocking out Jake.</p><p>‘Sloane has Nicole, she needed the bathroom’ he said casually, but she could see the pulsing vein in his temple, the strained sinews twitching in his neck as he spoke.</p><p>
  <em>How much had he heard? </em>
</p><p>She knew for certain he wasn’t about to say anything with an audience.</p><p>‘Nick, I-,’ she faltered unable to meet his gaze, swallowing painfully though her mouth was bone dry.</p><p>‘I got you cinnamon danish’ he continued, handing her a paper bag, completely ignoring Jake, ‘coffee’s cooling in the car’</p><p>Her stomach rumbled at the mere mention of food, not helped by the aroma of sweet sugary goodness.</p><p>Reflexively she rubbed her growling tummy, but Jake read the action all wrong.</p><p>‘Already hooked him with a second one, huh?’ he whistled insultingly. ‘Clever!’</p><p>‘<em>What</em>-?’ she spluttered.</p><p>‘First and last warning Molloy’ Nick growled menacingly, casting his eyes obliquely towards the much smaller guy. ‘You done here, B?’ he added softly, running his thumb over her knuckle.</p><p>‘I’d wait for the DNA before signing up, or she’ll suck you dry, financially and um, well I’m sure you’re one of the <em>many</em> men familiar with her… skills. She’s a talented mattress actress’</p><p>She grabbed Nick’s arm, stalling his clenched fist, tightening her fingers until they dig into his flesh. This is what he wanted, for Nick to rise to the bait.</p><p>‘Let’s go home’ she breathed shaking her head faintly, and his muscles uncoiled under her hand.</p><p>When that didn’t trigger Nick, Jake went lower, his tone a poisonous mix of contempt and spite.</p><p>‘As for Nicole, I just hope the kid doesn’t take after her sponging liar <em>whore</em> of a moth-,’</p><p>The first punch smacked with tooth-loosening potency. With the next, a meaty crunch of bone echoed in the alley as the metallic scent of blood filled the air.  </p><p>‘Don’t you ever disrespect my daughter or her mother again, <em>ever</em>, or you’ll wish she put her full clip in you’.</p><p>Her head snapped to Nick’s livid face the moment the words escaped his mouth.</p><p>Dazed, Jake tried to right himself from his sprawled position, his heels scraping the cobbled ground.</p><p>‘Is that a threat?’ he spluttered through his hands clutched to his crimson-flecked face, blood dripping in clotty splotches from his chin, soiling his pale blue shirt.</p><p>Nick pounced and yanked him to his feet by the collar of his shirt and she heard the slight rasp of material ripping.</p><p>‘Yes!’ he thundered, inches from his blood-splattered face, ‘I thought I was fairly clear but um, if you need me to <em>reiterate</em>?’ Nick drew back his fist for another punch.</p><p>‘Gotcha!’ Jake sneered pointing at a CCTV camera, ‘two <em>brutal</em> assaults against my person, I’ll see you in court!’</p><p>
  <em>No fucking way would he hurt Nick!</em>
</p><p>‘If that’s really the hill you want to die on Jake, let’s go!’ she declared determinedly, and her sudden boldness took the wind out of his sails.</p><p>‘You’ve got about twenty seconds Jake. Nick defending a child will go down better than you assaulting one’ she pulled her phone out and pressed a speed-dial.</p><p>‘Hey Gibbs, can you ask a Metro officer to join us?’ She’d seen a cruiser pull up just behind Jake’s car.</p><p>‘Choose Jake’. She watched as his face contorted realising she’d called his bluff. The silence lengthened as he weighed up his options; his legal pull against her determination.</p><p>‘Papers or prison. If you think people finding out you're not her father will somehow damage your reputation, finding out you attacked a child will make you a pariah, a felon, unable to practice law, unemployable and asset-striped because I’ll go after you in civil court too. Same goes if you go after Nick’ she finished with flinty resolve.</p><p>She heard the heavy plod of police-boots heading up the alley, ‘Officers-,’</p><p>‘Ok!’ Jake caved grudgingly, his face mottled in indignant rancour.</p><p>‘Officers, we’d all just like to thank Metro PD for their assistance, much appreciated’ Ellie beamed a smile at the pair of uniforms.</p><p>‘Sir?’ the younger officer looked with suspicious concern at Jake’s bashed face and back towards Nick’s grazed knuckles. ‘Would you like to report something?’.</p><p>‘Oh, just stress-nosebleed, isn’t it, Jake? You should go home and sort that, huh, before it gets any worse for you.’ She stressed the last bit and took a step back leaving a hulking Nick looming over him.</p><p>Jake silently nodded and the cops accepted the version presented without further inquiry, already responding on the radio to another callout. With a wave, they were gone, and it was just the three of them in the laneway again.</p><p>‘We’re <em>done</em>, Ellie’ Jake finally announced after what felt like forever, before jutting his bloody chin arrogantly at Nick. ‘You're welcome to her, to them both.’</p><p>He spat a glob of bloody saliva on the pavement at their feet. It was the most uncouth thing she’d ever seen Jake do and in that one action, she saw clearly how far he’d fallen. Wiping his still dripping nose on his red-soaked shirt sleeve he stomped off towards the street without a backwards glance and they watched as he drove away.</p><p>Then it was just the two of them, standing so close but worlds apart, an unbridgeable space between them. Jake had ruined everything, again, but she knew the blame really lay with herself.</p><p>Of all the imaginable ways he could’ve found out he’s a dad, this had to be the worst possible scenario.</p><p>She should’ve told Nick from the very start.  He’d never forgive her now and that thought cut like shards of glass in her churning stomach.</p><p>Eventually, her nerves totally fried, she haltingly broke the silence ‘Nick, I-, are you…ok?’</p><p>He wasn’t; he was pale, his jaw was clenched, his unblinking eyes staring in Jake’s wake, his whole frame taut and alert but he was no longer homicidal either.</p><p>‘<em>Me</em>?’ his startled eyes flicked to her and seemed to instantly soften, ‘Yeah, I’m fine. That was kinda…messy’</p><p>Her mouth was chalky-dry even as bile crawled up her throat. Nervous sweat had dampened her shirt and her fingers fidgeted with the hem. She couldn’t look at him, shame, remorse and regret overwhelmed her, and she squished her stinging eyes closed.</p><p>She knew he’d taken a step closer without even looking, his body shielded her from the light breeze gusting down the alley, his body warmth thawed her shock-chilled skin and that unique fragrance, the one that should be bottled and labelled ‘Eau de Nick’, filled her senses. Even after a night together, a crazy anxiety-filled drive across town and a fistfight, he still emanated his own deliciously spicy scent.</p><p>She sucked in a breath as he covered her hand with his, his thumb stroking along her wrist stalling her fiddling. ‘Ellie, are <em>you</em> ok?’</p><p>She muttered a barely audible, ‘Mmhum’.</p><p>She felt like she was standing in the middle of a trip-wired, land-mined, quicksand bog with an unpinned live grenade in her hand.</p><p>Her options limited, good outcome unlikely.</p><p>‘You're not, you're shivering’ he tutted, shucking off his jacket and draping it around her shoulders.</p><p>‘Yeah, I’m a little cold’ she conceded but cut off her contented hum as Nick started chaffing her arms to warm her, resisting the urge to fall into his arms, onto his chest just inches away.</p><p>His rejection would kill her.</p><p>Ellie Bishop was never one for giving up and accepting her fate. Jake had worn her down but no more, she wasn’t giving up, no surrender, come what may.</p><p>‘So, um, you-, you <em>know</em>?’, she gulped, chancing a fleeting glance up at him, her skittish eyes wide.</p><p>‘Yup,’ he smirked, popping the ‘p’.</p><p>Maybe it was the build-up of stress of Nicole being missing or the altercation with Jake or just the weeks and months of nervous tension mounting up knowing she <em>had</em> to tell Nick. Whatever one thing or combination of everything, emotions burst like a dam and she erupted into tears.</p><p>His arms wrapped around her, pulled her close and he dropped a kiss on her head as she sobbed ugly heaving sobs against his chest, unintelligible words spilling out but most just varieties of ‘I'm sorry!’</p><p>‘Ellie, shhh, please, no more tears, ok?’ she felt him nudge her.</p><p>‘But I- didn’t tell you, aren’t you mad with me? she wheezed out, her chest hiccupping.</p><p>‘Ellie, it’s fine, I’m fine’ he held her face and brushed back her wayward hair before dropping a quick kiss on her forehead, ‘but you’re <em>so</em> buying the next pizza!’</p><p>A feeling of astounded relief washed over her as she rolled her eyes at him. She still couldn’t believe he was taking the news in his stride…<em>unless </em>it wasn’t news.</p><p>‘How? I mean, <em>when-</em>?’ she blurted, sniffling back another sob.</p><p>‘I had my suspicions B. One, I can count’ he smirked. ‘Things you said didn’t or maybe <em>did</em> add up… but um, ok you <em>could’ve</em> been slightly pregnant already when we met that night-,’</p><p>‘<em>Slightly</em> pregnant? I think it’s a fairly binary option!’ she scoffed.</p><p>‘True’, he grinned, ‘but doing the math, on what you told me of your relationship with Jake, the odds we’re in my favour’ he shrugged.</p><p>‘So, you had a <em>suspicion</em>?’ he needled, still bewildered at his unruffled attitude, her own heart rate was galloping, thundering in her ears, her chest tight with anxiety.</p><p>‘Actually, it was doing Nicole’s hair, the morning after your fall, that confirmed it’</p><p>‘What? I don’t-?’</p><p>‘On her scalp behind her left ear-,’</p><p>‘Yeah, she has a birthmark?’</p><p>With a smile, he turned his head and pulled his ear forward. She could clearly see a darker area of skin tone, no bigger than a quarter just at his neatly-groomed hairline.</p><p>‘Mine’s faded now but it’s a family thing. I remember my mom saying Lucia’s mark was heart-shaped’.</p><p>She scrambled to compute what he was telling her.</p><p>‘But my fall, that was <em>weeks</em> ago…you’ve known you’re her dad, all this time,’ she took a painful gulp ‘why didn’t you say anything?’.</p><p>He just shrugged uncomfortably, ‘I didn’t want to push you, force your hand, I guess. You’d your reasons for not telling me’.</p><p>‘I’m so sorry, I didn’t know what to do! I never expected to ever see you again! You were a one-night-stand and then years later <em>boom</em>, there you were on the plasma!’ she flung her fingers wide in a brain-bomb, her freaked voice climbing to a shrill squeak.</p><p>‘It’s ok, I get it. Let’s face it B, I’m not the most stable person-,’</p><p>‘Nick-!’ she objected, none of this was his fault!</p><p>‘I’m not, Ellie, the years undercover took their toll. It’s taken me months to actually use my closet and not live out of a hold-all, always ready to go, move on, next case, next city, next identity. And, apart from this past month’s ridiculous trip to Wilmington, I can honestly say I’m happy and more settled than I’ve ever been and that’s because of you and Nicole. I know you wanted to tell me last night but if I'm honest I was being selfish, enjoying our time together, before…decisions’ he muttered dolefully.</p><p>‘I <em>know</em> she loves you Nick, it amazed me from the very first-time you guys met how you just clicked, but I didn’t want to destroy her relationship with Jake. <em>I</em> despise him but he’s been her dad since day one. I perpetuated a lie that hurt her and you’</p><p>‘You did what you had to do Ellie’</p><p>‘I thought it was best, believed keeping the status quo was the best for her’ she confessed with a guilty shrug. ‘Honestly, I didn’t know how you’d react, I mean, <em>we</em> didn’t even acknowledge knowing each other for <em>months</em> and then it was too late to just tell you, ‘oh by the way, you’re Coco’s dad!’. And I <em>can’t </em>go through more custody court battles Nick, and I can’t confuse her-,’</p><p>‘B, Ellie, relax it’s ok! Look, I can be whatever you want, whatever you think is best…I’ll sign whatever legal stuff you need and then I can be your friend Nick or Uncle Nick, or I’ll step back completely if that’s what you want...’ he exhaled heavily.</p><p>When she didn’t reply he continued, his formal tone obvious that he had thought about and chosen his words carefully.</p><p>‘I would like to set up an account for her, maybe a college fund if that’s ok? You don’t need to tell her where it came from later on if-,’</p><p>‘And you’d be ok with that?’</p><p>‘<em>No</em> Ellie! I’m not ok with that! I love her, I love you, I want you both, but it’s not about me it’s about what’s best for Nicole, and if me being-,’</p><p>‘Her dad’ she helpfully supplied, already feeling a million times happier than she ever thought possible.</p><p>‘Yeah, her <em>dad</em>, confuses her, or hurts her or complicates your life, well then I choose to protect her, protect you, from that’</p><p>‘And if I said I’m not ok with that either?’ she replied firmly gulping down the golf-ball of sudden nervous excitement in her throat.</p><p>‘What-?’ he was visibly shocked, his eyes wide, his jaw slack. She watched his Adam's apple bob up and down as he swallowed as her meaning dawned on him.</p><p>‘I’m not ok with you stepping back. I’m not ok with you being on the side-lines, I’m not ok with you not being in our lives…in my life, Nick, I’m not ok with that!’</p><p>
  <em>Well, that came out blunter than expected!</em>
</p><p>Wordlessly his eyes roamed over her face flicking to her lips and her own gaze mirrored his. But then his chest vibrated with that rumbling growl so unique to Nick.</p><p>‘Well, what are we going to do about that?’ he asked provocatively, his gravelly voice low and throaty and <em>Christ</em> but that timbre did stuff to her!</p><p>‘We be honest with Nicole’ and he hummed agreement. He bent down, his lips against her cheek, brushing it lightly—and just that light touch sent shivers through her nerves, shivers that made her whole body tremble.</p><p>‘Take it…slow’ she murmured a little breathlessly as he brushed his mouth against the hollow of her temple</p><p>‘Gradually get her used to the… idea…’ He traced the line of her cheekbone, her voice trailing off as she lost the ability to speak.</p><p>And then he was kissing her gently, hesitantly, cautiously like he still thought she would object. His lips tasted like cinnamon and coffee and his coarsely stubbled face rubbed her skin but she didn’t care, she didn’t care at all and she realized she’d never have enough and suddenly she was kissing him harder, deeper, with a fervent, urgent need.</p><p>She felt him—all of him—pressed against her, and she inhaled that scent that was just … him, the most delicious smell she could ever imagine. She wanted to breathe him, taste him, eat him, drink him.</p><p>She cupped his cheeks with shaky hands and kissed him lightly, ‘So, we’re doing this, like <em>really</em> doing this?’</p><p>‘Ellie, I told you last night I love you, I meant every word’. His fingertips brushed her cheek, her eyes closing in response to his caress. ‘I’m beyond overjoyed to be our beautiful daughter’s dad but even if I wasn’t biologically her father, I’d still want you and Nicole to be my family. We’re doing this!’</p><p>His lips were against hers again and neither of them could keep in the goofy smiles and happy tears.</p><p>With all the kissing and the life-changing decisions, they’d missed the approach of Sloane hand-in-hand with a very bubbly, swinging and skipping Coco.</p><p>‘Sorry to interrupt guys but<em> someone</em> is anxious to see her mom and her…um, Nick’</p><p>‘How much of all that did everyone hear?’ she asked with an anxious look towards Coco who was already swinging out of Nick’s hand and a fleeting glance down the laneway where their colleagues had parked up.</p><p>‘Nothing I or Gibbs hadn’t already guessed’ Jack replied archly with an astute smile.</p><p>‘Gibbs?!’</p><p>‘He’s not blind Bishop’ she smirked, casting a quick illustrative look from Nicole to Nick and even to the casual observer their likeness was undeniable. ‘You never wondered why he insisted Torres joined the team from the get-go, or that he partnered you two up?’</p><p>It had never dawned on her that their boss was playing matchmaker, had he guessed from the start, had they been so obvious?</p><p>‘But, I…Rule 12?’ she spluttered like the rug had been pulled out from under her.</p><p>‘Yeah, I’d take that as more of a recommendation than a rule’ she chuckled. ‘Anyhow, I’ll leave this little lady with you guys, McGee and Gibbs have just gone home, I think the um’ she flicked her finger between them pointing at their puffy lips and they both blushed, ‘yeah <em>that</em> was their limit’ she winked.  </p><p>Having sheepishly said their goodbyes to Jack, Ellie picked up her daughter and peppered her with kisses. ‘You ok sweetie?’</p><p>‘Yep, I ate all my muffin but I’m still a little bit hungry’. Ellie pulled the crushed danish from her pocket and looked at it sadly.</p><p>‘Why don’t we go home and cook anything you like?’</p><p>‘Enchiladas?’</p><p>‘Sure baby’ she laughed indulgently as they reached the car and buckled her in.</p><p>‘Do I have to stay with daddy again?’ she asked plaintively.</p><p>‘No honey, no more sleepovers at daddy’s house but it’s ok if you want to see him sometimes.’ She looked at Nick knowing that was something they were going to have to talk about.</p><p>‘Maybe later’ Nicole shrugged indifferently.</p><p>‘Later?’</p><p>‘Yeah, maybe when I’m <em>really</em> old, like 25’ Coco mused looking out the car window and as Nick merged with the traffic they both chuckled at her ideas on relative age.</p><p>‘So, are you <em>more</em> than special friends now, I saw you <em>kissing!</em>’ she giggled slapping her hand over her mouth.</p><p>‘Um, yes I think we are’ She felt her face warm as she gazed over at Nick in the driver’s seat. The look he returned was anything but chaste. ‘Is that ok?’</p><p>‘I’m ok with that. Can Nick stay for dinner?’</p><p>‘Sure’</p><p>‘And have a sleepover?’</p><p>‘Yeah, he can do that’ she nodded biting down on her lip to curtail her ever-broadening smile. ‘Maybe later we can have a chat about some things?’ she said carefully giving Nick a questioning look. He slipped his hand over the console and took hers, interlacing their fingers leaving no doubt how he felt about it.</p><p>‘Ok’ Coco chirped happily. ‘Nick, what’s ‘daddy’ in Spanish?’</p><p><em>‘</em>There’s a few words actually but most kids say<em> papá’ </em>he replied smiling at her in the rearview.</p><p>‘What’s ‘sister’ in Spanish?’</p><p>‘<em>Hermana</em>’</p><p>‘And what’s ‘brother’?’</p><p>‘<em>Hermano</em>’</p><p>‘So, when will you put one of those in momma’s tummy, Papá?’</p><p>Ellie’s mouth dropped open and her lips moved but no words came out.</p><p>Nick laughed at her gobsmacked, goldfish-like expression and impulsively pulled her hand up to his grinning lips kissing her knuckles.</p><p>‘Whenever your mamá says yes, Mija!’</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Rule 14: Bend the line, don't break it.<br/>Rule 16: If someone thinks they have the upper hand, break it.<br/>Mija: Short for 'mi hija'- my daughter</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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